[livestrong232]

Hello there,

This is my first post on this forum. I am grateful for a place to write anonymously about relationship issues in a supportive and non-judgemental setting.

At the beginning of September I met a lovely woman and shortly thereafter we began dating. We met at a bar / live music event. I went to the event to have fun and had no intention of meeting someone as it had only been 2 or 3 weeks since my previous relationship (of about 6 months) had ended.

While all of this was happening, my youngest son moved out to attend University in another city. So I now have the whole house to myself, I am officially an "empty-nester".

Throughout our short courtship I noticed myself craving time outside of our relationship. I longed to wake up alone, travel alone. When we were together, something did not feel right - it felt "off". Something was wrong.

What I came to realize is that there were so many life changes I was going through. As mentioned I had been in a 6-month relationship just prior to our meeting. That relationship became quite toxic and it was important for me to leave - but nevertheless attachment had been formed. And then on top of that, I found myself excited for this new phase of life as an empty-nester. I was looking forward to re-defining my own life, what my life looked like as a single parent of grown, out-of-the-house children. I want to redecorate my home, refurnish it, etc, etc. Define something as "my own".

This new person I met is very attractive and to be honest, is just a lovely person. She is the type of person I could see myself moving forward with.

But I'm just not there, you know? I feel like I need to find out where this new phase of life leads.

I didn't think it was fair to "string her along" when I wasn't really vested in our relationship, and in truth, was secretly wishing and longing that I was alone. For right now. Not forever, but for right now.


Some days I struggle. She contacts me sometimes and we meet, and to be honest, it's more than a bit heart breaking seeing her. I know she is disappointed, and it's hard for me, too, seeing her. Often in these moments I feel like we should just get back together (something she has told me she wants).

But I am virtually positive that if we do jump back into this, the pattern will simply repeat, and I will leave. Again. I just don't think it's fair...

Perhaps one day. We have left on good terms...

[RDMercer]

Hi livestrong,

Thanks for your comment on my thread earlier.

I appreciate the maturity I hear in your writing. It must be nice to have that degree of peace in yourself.

I think there are things I'd appreciate about living alone. I'm not from this community. I don't have family or old friends here, but now it's where my kids call home so I'm here for a while to come.

I don't have advice. I appreciate yours. I think you're in a healthier headspace than me.

All the best to you.

RDM

[Bill3]

What if you stopped seeing her for a time?

[livestrong232]

She wanted to get together this weekend but I declined, and said I’d get in touch with her in a couple of weeks. We will see how this goes. I don’t think she was too pleased with the delay but seems to otherwise be taking it in stride.

Thank you for your comment

[Open Eyes]

I think you are being wise in pulling away when you would really prefer to be alone to explore for a while. I think you should just be honest with her so she isn’t hanging on to hoping for more of a relationship with you.

[Have Hope]

I think continuing to see her even as friends is kind of still stringing her along because she wants & hopes to get back together. A clean break is probably best in this case and you can have 100% of your freedom.