Why do people get so uncomfortable when I obsess over them?

Brilliant!

Yep that's really the only time it's genuinely acceptable to divulge negative stuff happening in your life, only those who truly need to know should know. For me, I only told my supervisor and a secretary who manages bereavement forms that my grandparents passed just so I can get the appropriate days off which was just one day for me. Some coworkers like telling everyone that someone passed away and talk about their feelings, I know some people want to get their feelings out but I think it's inappropriate to do so in a work environment especially if you work in a school like I do. People don't realize that most coworkers really don't want to hear about negative stuff going on and if you must tell then keep it very basic, even your closest friends outside of work may not want to hear it as harsh as it may sound.

I agree, people can only take so much negativity. In fact, being around someone who is negative all the time can make you depressed as well. I've had to pull away from people who were constantly negative, you did the right thing by pulling away. Worst thing anyone can do is bring that negativity in the workplace, it's just not professional.

I understand now that when my coworkers told her their problems, it was only once in a while, not all the time. But how was I supposed to know then? I’m the only one at work thst she deleted on Snapchat. She stayed good towards my coworkers and still exchanges snaps with them, even the others who Favorited her.

She don’t even care about me, right? Just like the GM at Arby’s.

She's not a professional, she maybe feels she can't cope with your problems as well as her own?

Have you spoken with a psych or counsellor?

I’m in therapy once a week because of her. She cares about my coworkers but not me. The past few months it caused my anger issues and I yell at coworkers and be snarky to customers. Had so many customer complaints already. As of yesterday, I’m snarky with my favorite person as well. She’s the first favorite person I had that I’m snarky with and I shoulda done that with the lady at arby

Ruby, you don't take responsibility for your poor behaviors. "I'm in therapy once a week because of her". NO. It's because of your poor boundaries with your manager that you need to speak with a therapist. "The past few months it caused my anger issues and I yell at customers and be snarky to customers". NO. As a result of you pushing the boundaries with your manager, and as a result of you demanding so much attention from all those you admire, you act out your hurt feelings and you act out your anger with your customers and co-workers.

No one causes your anger issues - you act out your emotions and take out your hurt feelings on other people which always gets you into trouble in every job you've had, which inevitably gets you fired!

You have a therapist. Inform the therapist of this issue with yourself... please work on taking responsibility for your actions and for your own hurt feelings. Stop acting out at work. Work on talking through your hurt and angry feelings in therapy.

Oh my goodness, yes!
There are so many people who need to take this advice!

You will never admit this, but you use your anger to try to bully people into doing what you want them to do.

One day, you're going to be "snarky" to the wrong person and that is going to result in physical harm to you.

Also, bullying other people can cause them to develop mental health issues themselves.

Ruby please get help for your anger (talk to your therapist) before your anger causes irreversible (spelling) harm to anyone, yourself included

I think people are eventually getting uncomfortable with you because they start to see a pattern in your behaviours and your anger issues too.You are taking out your anger on unsuspecting strangers that are your innocent customers?wth?

I lost all ability to control my feelings. So from the time my favorite person deleted me on thanksgiving last year, I kept trying to reason with her. I told her 8 others i favorited didn’t stay good and they all broke me. That included the lady at Arby’s. I asked her to pls don’t become like them.

I gave her reasons I NEEDED to tell her my problems all the time. I even said other ppl only occasionally tell her their problems cuz that’s all they needed. They didn’t have 8 ppl hurt them. Basically thst I did nothing wrong.

She seemed to “get it” at that moment, but reasoning with her ultimately made her worse. So anger is now my only recourse.

You may need another person, but if that person does not want to be needed by you, they are going to withdraw from you.

I think your best recourse us to continue to work on healing and growth, so that you don't feel a need for co-workers or other inappropriate people.

You need to develop more self-reflection and self-awareness.

Blaming other people for how you feel and then lashing out at other people because you cannot control how you feel (which you blame on other people anyway) will keep you repeating the same pattern in every relationship - professional or otherwise.

Have a good look at yourself and your patterns. Then change IF you want others to respond to you differently.

That’s where you are mistaken. You’ve been told over and over that your behavior is wrong. You hassle, weasel and rationalize your behavior in a pitiable way to make them feel sorry for you, but when they stick to their boundaries you get mad and say it’s them. It’s not, it’s you. When you don’t get what you want you lash out and say it’s other people’s fault. YOU are the only one who has control over YOUR behavior.

Ruby,your reply really surprised me.You shifted blame to someone else.Losing control over your own behaviours and projecting your frustration and anger on innocent bystanders that are your customers and then claiming you did nothing wrong .Somebody else is to blame for this all.Just wow.Now I think I understand why people are running away from you,including your favorite ones.

I've been following this thread for some time now, and quite honestly, I'm surprised people here at PC haven't run away too!

Have you tried *just* sharing your problems with your therapists and not "problem dumping" on one untrained in mental health person all the time?

I can vouch for the fact that having someone using one person as a "dumping ground" for problems and wanting reassurance from that one person all the time is extremely draining, particularly when the person recieving all the problem-dumps has serious stuff going on at the same time as recieving the problem-dumps from someone

For example: I have a friend who I have known online since 2011, and she got into the habit of problem-dumping on me in 2013 (and probably 2012 as well, although I don't remember much of that year due to my own traumas), it got so bad that I had to cut off contact for a few years due to the sheer amount of traumatic stuff I was going through at the time as well, I couldn't help her into the mental health lifeboat as well as get in myself - if this makes sense

Sometimes, people have to cut others off, in order to save their own mental health

Had I not done so for myself, I would not be alive now, I would of died from suicide, due to how much bad was happening in my life back then, plus I had her problem-dumping on me constantly as well and wanting reassurance all the time.

This time around, although I let her back in, I've had to put boundaries up, so if all the bad stuff kicks off again I will stand a chance at not getting suicidial again.

Maybe one day, these people will feel able to unblock you from everything, I can't promise this cause I'm not them.

All I can do is share from my own experience that they might want to help, like I wanted to help my friend, but be unable to due to stuff they are living through.

I'll likely start a new thread to post what I remember from 2012, as and when I gain memories back, all I know for sure is I had some major stuff kicking off back then.

edited to add: you don't NEED to tell that one person all your problems all the time, yes sharing can be helpful, but that's where trained professionals come into it. Not "problem dump" on one person from work the whole time.

They might not be mentally able to be on the recieving end of what Ruby's doing, as well