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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,092
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6 3,628 hugs
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#201
Quote:
He is not going to get away with his lies, deceit and manipulations.. not anymore. So I want him to know. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Samicat
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,092
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,628 hugs
given |
#202
I will do just that, after I've told him he is a swindler and con artist.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
Samicat
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Member
Member Since Apr 2021
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 315
3 58 hugs
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#203
In this case, you are choosing to prove you are right and he is wrong. It isn't going to change him. You can't prove an abusive manipulator wrong no matter how right you are.
You'll feel vindicated for a few days without a doubt, but it won't last and he will find a way to use anything you've said to hurt you. I've divorced someone who tried this. The game stopped when I stopped playing it. And even then it took a few years for the ex to realize I wasn't participating anymore. As long as you play his game, he will find a way to win and have power over you. I'm not saying this to hurt you and it's not judgement. It's an abuse survivor's advice to stop playing his game to stop the cycle. |
giddykitty, Have Hope, Samicat
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giddykitty, Have Hope, unaluna
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,092
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,628 hugs
given |
#204
Quote:
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Samicat
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,871
(SuperPoster!)
12 66.4k hugs
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#205
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Have Hope, Samicat
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Have Hope
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,380
(SuperPoster!)
9 1,277 hugs
given |
#206
He can mail you a check. No need to transfer anything. He can also transfer 3500 now and mail check for the rest. There’s no real need to go to the bank. It could be avoided.
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,871
(SuperPoster!)
12 66.4k hugs
given |
#207
Quote:
I wouldnt trust the mail with it. |
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Samicat
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Have Hope
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,092
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,628 hugs
given |
#208
Well it’s done. It’s in my account. He tried to tell me he didn’t know or didn’t deliberately excluded it.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
Samicat, unaluna
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,380
(SuperPoster!)
9 1,277 hugs
given |
#209
It won’t make you feel better confronting him because he’ll come up with clever answers and you will be off balance again or he’ll accuse of things in return. There’s no way to win here. The only way to win is to stop the game
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Have Hope, unaluna
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,380
(SuperPoster!)
9 1,277 hugs
given |
#210
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Samicat
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unaluna
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,380
(SuperPoster!)
9 1,277 hugs
given |
#211
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Samicat
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unaluna
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,092
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,628 hugs
given |
#212
Well, I did what I deep down needed to do. I told him via text afterwards that I believe he tried to swindle me and that I could still pursue this legally if I want to. I want him to know that I’m not stupid, as he falsely believes. It was important to me…. He’s been shady throughout our relationship and thinks that he can get away with lying to me.… I wasn’t going to let him get away with this. Told him not to contact me or pursue me then I blocked him.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
Samicat
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,380
(SuperPoster!)
9 1,277 hugs
given |
#213
Quote:
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Have Hope
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Have Hope
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,092
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,628 hugs
given |
#214
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
Samicat
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Veteran Member
Member Since Jan 2023
Location: Canada
Posts: 553
1 1,590 hugs
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#215
Quote:
SO glad you got the money, had your say and have blocked him. Now to stay strong and stay away from him for good! If you ever feel lonely or weak, call a friend or go to a support group (might be good to find one for women escaping abuse). That might also assist you in the future to avoid deceitful or abusive men. Treat yourself to something nice. |
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Have Hope
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Have Hope
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,092
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,628 hugs
given |
#216
Quote:
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Samicat
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Samicat
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,092
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,628 hugs
given |
#217
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,092
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,628 hugs
given |
#218
He lies and manipulates SO convincingly that I begin to doubt my own instincts, gut reactions and perceptions.
After I sent my final text where I confronted him for trying to swindle me, he sent one text before I blocked him. He now says that they sent the paperwork for the inheritance after we had filed for divorce... yeah right. She died in Oct.. why would the inheritance be delayed for processing? I am sure that the paperwork got rolling very soon after she passed in Oct. Unless they did it on purpose to hide it from the court system. But why would he initially have told me he could go to jail for omitting it from his financial statement? He clearly felt or knew he had done something legally wrong. And, it's ONLY NOW that he's saying something different.. he did not tell me initially, oh, well, we didn't process the inheritance until after we filed. He did not give me that explanation initially, which tells me he is now making up a story around it. Either way, I smell foul play. I mean, come on.. as SOON as I started to question him about the legalities of his inheritance, for one, he became enraged with me for questioning him on it, and then number two, he immediately offered me a larger amount of money than he had been offering all along.. he suddenly increases the amount to 10K, directly following that conversation. Is that highly suspect? I think so. And then suddenly, to also offer to pay me for our wedding and honeymoon and the full cost of the chair, when he had previously been angered by these suggestions?? My instinct tells me he was trying to smoke screen me and distract me from the legal system by offering 10K and to pay me back in full for expenses I had accrued during the marriage. This way, if I took that money, I wouldn't be motivated to pursue it in court, right? YES, this is my gut feeling around what truly happened here. Not to mention, his offer to also give me another TV, a larger TV, for my bedroom. What gets me is how convincing of a liar he can be. I mean, two years ago he convincingly was telling me how much he loves me, showering me with love, affection, flowers and sex, while simultaneously behind my back was flirting with and pursuing another woman! And he lied through his teeth about other suggestive and inappropriate texts that I had read with my own eyes. I know he was lying but cannot prove it. It's my perception of those texts vs his explanation of them. And his explanation didn't even make any sense. She had written "I want a mimosa!" and he wrote back "brunch and mimosas, let's go!" So my interpretation of that exchange was that he invited her to brunch.... and maybe they even went to brunch together for all I know. But HIS explanation was that they were mocking and making fun of a customer who had talked about mimosas... it doesn't even make sense. right?!? Right. So, here he is, once again,. trying to cover up what really happened, lying convincingly and me questioning my perceptions. It's gaslighting... getting you to doubt yourself and twisting facts around. I hate him... I truly truly hate him for what he's done.. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes Last edited by Have Hope; Apr 19, 2023 at 04:58 AM.. |
Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,380
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#219
It could be that it officially happened after he filed for divorce. But he had present financial documents some time after divorce was final. He lied there. Plus if he didnt lie, why did he say he could go to jail?
Then in March he asked if there was a change in financial situations, he said no. Lied again. Then when judge asked if there is hope for reconciliation, he said no way. He lied. He never stopped contacting you and offering you money begging for you to come back. So he consistently lied through this whole process |
Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,092
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,628 hugs
given |
#220
Quote:
Yes, he has lied through the whole process. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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