Dating After Abuse and Dealing With Life Changes

He could have said something like, yeah, it was a good show, hope you had fun too.. or, hope to see you again at the show sometime.. anything polite and nice. I just think it's very rude to not reply at all. That's me though and my personal preferences and style of communication. We do not mesh. Our communication styles differ and oppose each other.

On a totally separate note, I just had the MOST interesting chat I've had in a very long time!!! This guy reached out to me on Facebook out of the blue this morning. We are friends on Facebook through mutual friends, & we like the same music and run in the same crowd, but we've never met I don't think in person. He used to be a Buddhist monk, and is a practicing Buddhist. He is self employed and wants to return to school to study Tibetan medicine. This is beyond fascinating to me - he is probably one of the MOST interesting people I have come across in a very long time. He says he has had a very difficult life, and so have I... we connected on this level. We chatted for about an hour, and he is going to connect me with a headhunter friend of his who works in the IT industry. Anyways, it was really interesting to chat with him, and most refreshing too.... Hmmm..... I am pondering this. He meditates.

I understand style of communication and have the same style but not with men I broke up with. With the ones I am with and my friends I do have this style too-actively communicating. Must we actively communicate with everyone we dated? I don’t think so

People break up for a reason. It was a short romance and at some point one of you need to stop communication. Yeah he could reply something nice but then you’d reply back as it’s rude not to reply and it would be rude for him not to reply again. If you are broken up how do you stop the cycle if you always have to reply to each other.

Of course you don’t mesh well and that’s why you aren’t together. I am just surprised you expect active communication going after break up. It was a brief romance and it’s ok to move on. You expected something from him he couldn’t deliver while you were dating and now you are broken up, you still expect something he can’t and doesn’t want to deliver.

I expect people to be polite. You can end the conversation without it being circular by just saying "see ya" or "talk to you later". It doesn't have to go on endlessly as you describe. Yes, I have expectations in behavior, and that behavior does not meet my standards or expectations, even as distant or polite acquaintances again. That's my standard. I don't understand your issue with it, especially since you're always espousing having higher standards from others.

I read his text to you the same way as Divine. He texted you prior to being somewhere he thought you’d likely be. He did it because he didn’t want a confrontation with you if he saw you there. He didn’t want to leave it an open ended conversation to not open the door to more communication and relationship with you. It was a peace offering text, a truce, IMHO.

That’s what I am saying. Yes.

I see it differently, and we are only just conjecturing about his intentions. We really don't know what his intentions were.

He did finally get back to me this morning.. so I did get a reply.

I keep hearing in this, that a lot of times, women get in trouble with men because they dont want to be seen as impolite. So they respond when they should really keep a boundary. Which is what jay is doing, holding his boundary. So im not buying this oh he is rude argument. Also it sounds like your stbexh's behavior more than yours, like you learned it from him. He desensitized you to it by encroaching on your boundaries all the time.

Never mind. I am getting annoyed. Let's please drop the subject, thanks.

I do try to have high standards and expect those from other people but expecting exes to continue texting me after break up doesn’t fit into high standards because it’s not fully reasonable expectation. After ex provides you with polite and kind closure, if you want to continue communication it’s not other person’s responsibility. Now he could reply that he doesn’t want this back and forth, but it would be hurtful. He already provided nice closure.

Looks like he actually responded. Well it’s all good now. He seems like a nice guy who doesn’t want to be hurtful

Please... let's drop it. No one here understands my point or perspective. All people want to do is argue against my perspective and it's annoying.. no one perspective is right or wrong - we all can have different viewpoints and opinions and those should be respected. Why do I frequently feel dumped on for my perspective on my own thread? I don't like it, so please stop. That's my boundary.

Thank you.

Its like trying to get your life coach clients to see another path. Just because its different, doesnt mean its criticism. Its just another road.

I'm learning in my course that life coaching is far less about providing solutions, and much more about empowering your clients to find their own solutions. No one knows one's situation better than the person who is in it. Same with opinions. The only opinion that truly matters to me is my own in this conversation. I know myself best, I happen to like myself, in fact, I love who I am, and I am not changing for anyone. I accept who I am.. and often it feels like people here just want to knock me down for some unknown reason. It's not nice behavior, coming from probably not so nice people.

Of course the only opinion matters is yours. But what type of responses you’d like then? People provide you with variety of responses: different perspective/congratulating on things well done/suggestions etc You get lots of people on here very invested in variety of your situations.

If our opinions have absolutely no value, should we not reply at all? I am not fully understanding. I do see now that you want specific responses, not different perspectives. What responses would you like? If any?

I didn’t mean that people’s responses have no value. Of course there’s value to considering other perspectives. Sometimes those different perspectives give me a new angle on an issue that I hadn’t considered. So it’s all valuable. What I meant is in the end, I’m going to make up my own mind about a situation and my own feelings or opinions are what matter the most to me. No one here truly knows me, and I know myself best, just like any of us. And with Jay and these texts for example, it means to me that I prefer far quicker responses and I get very frustrated by people who take hours upon hours or days to reply. It annoys me immensely. So that’s my preference, and Jay’s style is different than mine. And that’s ok, but it’s not my style or preference. And I accept the fact that I want a reply within a reasonable or expected timeframe. So be it. I get impatient. So be it. It’s all ok.

Edited to add: I don’t like debates or arguing. And often it does feel like people try to argue against me on here frequently enough. I prefer not to engage in that kind of conversation.

I’ve got my course to focus on. Taking a break.

My sincere apologies. Though my intent was to be helpful, I need to work on not giving unsolicited advice. Sending encouragement to you.

Thank you.,,

A supposed good friend tried to burst my happy bubble yesterday.

She called me in the morning, and I was talking passionately about all the things I am getting involved in.. my workshop, my course, life coaching and possible volunteer work on Meetups.com. She has been feeling blah about her own life for many months now, maybe even the last year, and has been talking about and is researching going on Lexapro because of menopausal symptoms. Well, I was all passionate and happy sounding, so she suddenly blurts out in reply to my excitement that she is SO happy that she doesn't have to be single and that she is SO happy to have a wonderful husband.

This was a direct jab at me.... She knows I just went through a divorce, and am freshly single. She knows that I had a miserable marriage. She knows that ultimately, I would like a life partner. All I could say in reply was that I am happy being single, even if it means for the rest of my life.

I am hurt & blown away that my supposed good friend would try to hurt me in this way. It was like a knife stab directly in my heart.... And it was an obvious jab at me because it directly followed from my telling her all the great things happening in my life.

I felt she was trying to overcompensate for the void that is missing in her own life by thinking, well at least I have a good marriage and I don't have to be single.

I am not going to talk to this friend again for a very long time, I decided. I don't need or want that kind of jealousy or person in my life. It was hurtful, and I believe on some level, deliberate. What a jerk!

What a random thing to say. Two of my best friends have never been married and have no children. I can’t imagine to ever say such a thing to them. Why? Dumb and rude. More so, some women think having a husband is the greatest accomplishment for a woman and they brag about it like it’s a Nobel Prize. And they do it out of context. It’s not like you were discussing concept of marriage.

You were talking about your plans or accomplishments or hopes and dreams. They bring up they are lucky to have a husband. Annoying