When Someone Doesn't Accept Your Apology

LadyShadow · May 01, 2023 at 10:38 AM

Hey everyone!

I used to be on this forum a lot more years ago, but recent events in my life have taken me away from the computer screen and the factor of time has just lessened my online participation on forums. Since being in jail and rehab, I realized that there were a lot of people that I had hurt which was a direct result of my manic behavior and drunken escapades.

I tried to rectify one of these relationships last night and was met with silence....

I can't expect this person to forgive me or even talk to me, but I was hurt that they ignored me.

It's just another consequence of my destructive behavior that I am so ashamed of and yet another person who doesn't want to speak to me or accept my apology.

This sucks, but I have to realize I can't change people I can just change myself.

Sigh ~ Thanks for reading.

Lady Shadow

Nammu · May 01, 2023 at 10:42 AM

Yeah, they need to travel the healing path a bit to be able to accept an apology. Sorry.

Open Eyes · May 01, 2023 at 11:12 AM

When you are going through your steps for your sobriety, it’s common for people to not readily just accept your apologies.

This step is important to YOUR path towards recognizing how your addiction hurt others. It’s an important step to your realizing the damage your addiction did so that you continue to stay on your path for living your life sober.

There is a lot of denial and gaslighting involved with addiction/alcoholism. It’s important that you face the truth and recognize the damage it caused to others and yourself. This is why learning how to live your life sober one day at a time is important. Being honest and recognizing why it is so important is a big step.

LadyShadow · May 01, 2023 at 11:17 AM

Thanks for the amazing words! I think it is important that I recognize that just because I am ready to apologize that someone else isn't up for the forgiving. It is also an important step to remind myself to leave people where they're at.

Thanks for helping me through this, it sucks, but it is a truth I have to accept.

Open Eyes · May 01, 2023 at 11:48 AM

Yes, there will be responses where some may not react and may even ignore you. Expecting more is not what your attempts at admitting faults and apologizing are for. This step is important to your recovery in that you are on YOUR path to finally admitting how your alcoholism hurt others and yourself.

LadyShadow · May 01, 2023 at 12:04 PM

I am not at an amends part of my recovery yet. I just finished the 5th step. This attempt at an apology was just seeing someone online that used to be friends with that didn't accept my apology. I probably won't attempt an amends with this person when I get to that point.

Open Eyes · May 01, 2023 at 12:05 PM

My husband of going on 42 years is an alcoholic. He stopped drinking 32 years ago and goes to AA meetings. His staying sober and this challenge is a big part of his life. He goes to meetings almost every night and sponsors others that are starting the path to living their life sober. This step is a challenge in that you can’t expect people your disease hurt to just forgive and forget. You can never change their hurt. However, what is very important is your genuinely realizing the damage your addiction does to others and yourself and why you have decided to now live your life sober and honest. When you go to meetings you will be around others that know the challenge and offer you support as you learn to live a sober life.

Open Eyes · May 01, 2023 at 12:09 PM

The steps take time to work through. Step meeting are often filled with people that are trying very hard.

Open Eyes · May 01, 2023 at 12:26 PM

When on the path of learning how to live sober, the best place to get support is at these meetings. Sometimes you need to try different groups until you find one that you feel comfortable in.

You learn that you have to stop hanging around people who are actively drinking. They want to keep drinking and remain in denial. They are a bad influence. Then there are those who don’t have a problem and they do not understand the challenge and can leave you feeling bad. The best people to be around are the ones that are choosing sobriety and understand the challenge. Some go every day for support, perfectly fine and it helps to find a sponsor.

Eventually, you see there are good people in those rooms and you can find good friends.

May 01, 2023 at 06:56 PM

I guess all you can do is show in your actions that you have changed

WovenGalaxy · May 01, 2023 at 07:17 PM

It's hard but I agree with you. We can only control ourselves. I like what willowtigger said too. It hurts, but focus on living a better life, healing and changing.

ArmorPlate108 · May 01, 2023 at 09:18 PM

Part of acceptance can also be accepting that you may not be able to put things right. As sad as it can be, it's also okay to move on, knowing that you've done what you can. And you never know, perhaps that person will have a change of heart in the future and contact you. Know that you are changed, that you do mean your apoplogy, and that you have grown to be a better person. It's okay.

Nammu · May 01, 2023 at 09:24 PM

^^^

Pinny · May 02, 2023 at 06:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArmorPlate108

Part of acceptance can also be accepting that you may not be able to put things right. As sad as it can be, it's also okay to move on, knowing that you've done what you can. And you never know, perhaps that person will have a change of heart in the future and contact you. Know that you are changed, that you do mean your apoplogy, and that you have grown to be a better person. It's okay.

Yes!!

This!

May 02, 2023 at 06:54 AM

The internets loves a ladyshadow

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Nammu Crone Member Since May 2010 Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system. Posts: 71,449 (SuperPoster!) 14 53.7k hugs given	May 01, 2023 at 10:42 AM #2 Yeah, they need to travel the healing path a bit to be able to accept an apology. Sorry. __________________ *Nammu* …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann
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Open Eyes Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Mar 2011 Location: Northeast USA Posts: 23,122 (SuperPoster!) 13 21.4k hugs given	May 01, 2023 at 11:48 AM #5 Yes, there will be responses where some may not react and may even ignore you. Expecting more is not what your attempts at admitting faults and apologizing are for. This step is important to your recovery in that you are on YOUR path to finally admitting how your alcoholism hurt others and yourself.
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Open Eyes Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Mar 2011 Location: Northeast USA Posts: 23,122 (SuperPoster!) 13 21.4k hugs given	May 01, 2023 at 12:09 PM #8 The steps take time to work through. Step meeting are often filled with people that are trying very hard.
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Anonymous32448 Guest Posts: n/a	May 01, 2023 at 06:56 PM #10 I guess all you can do is show in your actions that you have changed
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WovenGalaxy Magnate Member Since Sep 2019 Location: Earth Posts: 2,854 4 4,842 hugs given	May 01, 2023 at 07:17 PM #11 It's hard but I agree with you. We can only control ourselves. I like what willowtigger said too. It hurts, but focus on living a better life, healing and changing.
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Nammu Crone Member Since May 2010 Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system. Posts: 71,449 (SuperPoster!) 14 53.7k hugs given	May 01, 2023 at 09:24 PM #13 ^^^ __________________ *Nammu* …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann
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Anonymous32448 Guest Posts: n/a	May 02, 2023 at 06:54 AM #15 The internets loves a ladyshadow
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