Home Menu

Menu



advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
jesyka
Poohbah
 
jesyka's Avatar
 
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: U.S
Posts: 1,443
4
283 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 02, 2023 at 11:24 PM
  #1
I really hate having my pic taken. A few of my friends have kept pressuring me over the years to rake multiple pics with them a few times. They would not take no for an answer. I only gave in one time for special ocassions. I resented them for pushing me.

They all know that I’m very insecure about how I look. I’m twice their size almost. I don’t know how to pose & I always look awful in every single pic, always.

I look like I don’t want to be in the pic too even when I try to smile. I never look like like I’m smiling. I look forced & awkward. Ugh!

I try to say no nicely, but they nag & harass me to death! I told them no more no matter what! They have enough ugly pics of me! They didn’t say anything after trying to guilt trip me with b.s about memories & how I dress nice.

The point is that I said no repeatedly & I hate the wat that I look. No means no. I despise being guilt tripped & begged.

Why do they do this? It’s so rude & annoying! And disrespectful! I think I might snap soon! Has anyone else had this issue too?

How can I get them to stop doing this?

I had these issues with orher pushy annoying people in the past too. Now it’s just them though.
jesyka is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Discombobulated, mote.of.soul, pliepla, TishaBuv
Discombobulated
Elder
 
Discombobulated's Avatar
 
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 5,180 (SuperPoster!)
5
12.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 03, 2023 at 08:47 AM
  #2
I wouldn’t like this. I understand friends sometimes wanting to take pictures but you explained to them and they ignored you

Only thing I can suggest is having a quiet word with the one or ones you feel closest to. Explain how upset this makes you feel. Not at the moment it’s happening but at a quieter time.

If they don’t listen I’d question whether they cared or are really friends.
Discombobulated is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
jesyka
Poohbah
 
jesyka's Avatar
 
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: U.S
Posts: 1,443
4
283 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 03, 2023 at 12:01 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by Discombobulated View Post
I wouldn’t like this. I understand friends sometimes wanting to take pictures but you explained to them and they ignored you

Only thing I can suggest is having a quiet word with the one or ones you feel closest to. Explain how upset this makes you feel. Not at the moment it’s happening but at a quieter time.

If they don’t listen I’d question whether they cared or are really friends.
Maybe talking to each of them privately will have more of an impact on things . I definitely won’t give in next time. No means no.
jesyka is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Discombobulated
divine1966
Legendary Wise Elder
 
divine1966's Avatar
 
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,878 (SuperPoster!)
9
1,294 hugs
given
Default Jun 03, 2023 at 09:17 AM
  #4
Are these the same people you are always having issues with? They don’t sound like actual friends. Maybe just some people you know. I’d limit my time with them if I can help it
divine1966 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
jesyka
Poohbah
 
jesyka's Avatar
 
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: U.S
Posts: 1,443
4
283 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 03, 2023 at 12:02 PM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
Are these the same people you are always having issues with? They don’t sound like actual friends. Maybe just some people you know. I’d limit my time with them if I can help it
Yes. I do limit my time with them now. Why do they constantly do this to me? Why can’t they taje no for an answer? I have to say no multiple times before they stop! It’s extremely irritating!
jesyka is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
divine1966
Legendary Wise Elder
 
divine1966's Avatar
 
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,878 (SuperPoster!)
9
1,294 hugs
given
Default Jun 03, 2023 at 03:07 PM
  #6
Asking why people do this or that is pointless because you’ll never fully know. You can only answer questions about yourself. In this particular case you could ask yourself why are you friends with these people
divine1966 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Discombobulated
jesyka
Poohbah
 
jesyka's Avatar
 
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: U.S
Posts: 1,443
4
283 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 08, 2023 at 03:06 PM
  #7
Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
Asking why people do this or that is pointless because you’ll never fully know. You can only answer questions about yourself. In this particular case you could ask yourself why are you friends with these people
Unfortunately it’s because I have very few options. Believe me, I tried hard to look elsewhere. It seems like not to many people ate interested in being friends with me, ugh.
jesyka is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Rose76
Legendary
 
Rose76's Avatar
 
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,636 (SuperPoster!)
13
5,469 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 08, 2023 at 03:37 PM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by jesyka View Post
Unfortunately it’s because I have very few options. Believe me, I tried hard to look elsewhere. It seems like not to many people ate interested in being friends with me, ugh.
We all need human contact. I can understand the decision to make the best of the associates one has, even when they don't fully measure up to one's ideal of what good friends would be like. What they offer may not even really deserve to be called "friendship." Maybe they are more like acquaintances than true friends. I tend to set the bar pretty high for who I would give the title of friend to. Finding a true-blue, good friend can be like finding a potential partner to fall in love with. Finding either is a tremendous blessing. Sometimes such a blessing eludes us. So what do we do in the meantime?

I wouldn't recommend a steady diet of solitude. Instead, I would go ahead and develop what connections are available, as long as they're not leading you into activity that's illegal or immoral. At the same time, it's okay to make a private appraisal of how deep, or how shallow, these relationships are. I've had "associates" that I learned I could trust only so far, who weren't all that invested in my wellbeing. I'ld rather quietly admit that to myself, than vainly hope for a level of consideration and loyalty that these persons were never going to offer me. Just don't over-invest in them yourself.
Rose76 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Rive.
Magnate
 
Member Since Sep 2013
Posts: 2,193
11
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 04, 2023 at 08:34 AM
  #9
They keep doing this because they have learnt that your 'no' doesn't mean anything as you always end up doing what they want anyway. So they don't respect your boundaries.
Rive. is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
jesyka
Poohbah
 
jesyka's Avatar
 
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: U.S
Posts: 1,443
4
283 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 08, 2023 at 03:07 PM
  #10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rive. View Post
They keep doing this because they have learnt that your 'no' doesn't mean anything as you always end up doing what they want anyway. So they don't respect your boundaries.
True. Ugh! No more! They tried asking for a pic ladt time but then surprisingly looked at each other & said that I wouldn’t want to be in it. Finally! They were obviously hoping U’d say yes though, lol 😆
jesyka is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Discombobulated
Rose76
Legendary
 
Rose76's Avatar
 
Member Since Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 12,636 (SuperPoster!)
13
5,469 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 04, 2023 at 10:09 PM
  #11
You have a right to opt out of photographs. Clearly, it makes you very uncomfortable. You don't owe it to anyone to pose for a picture. Stick to your guns, and let your "No" be "No." Stick with that consistently! Sometimes, you kinda have to train people. I also agree with the suggestion that you talk with your friends individually about how you feel and would appreciate some understanding.

You don't really need to understand why they're not more respectful. They don't really need to know why you don't like being in photos. Any reason you give is apt to seem foolish to them. You simply have the right to decline. Believe that yourself, and keep stepping away from in front of the camera. Decide that this is not a negotiable matter. Hopefully, you won't have to give up your friends over this matter.

If this is just one of many issues that these friends and you have trouble working out, then maybe you would do well to cultivate other friends. If this group keeps pushing and pushing, then they strike me as mean people.
Rose76 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
jesyka
jesyka
Poohbah
 
jesyka's Avatar
 
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: U.S
Posts: 1,443
4
283 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 08, 2023 at 03:08 PM
  #12
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76 View Post
You have a right to opt out of photographs. Clearly, it makes you very uncomfortable. You don't owe it to anyone to pose for a picture. Stick to your guns, and let your "No" be "No." Stick with that consistently! Sometimes, you kinda have to train people. I also agree with the suggestion that you talk with your friends individually about how you feel and would appreciate some understanding.

You don't really need to understand why they're not more respectful. They don't really need to know why you don't like being in photos. Any reason you give is apt to seem foolish to them. You simply have the right to decline. Believe that yourself, and keep stepping away from in front of the camera. Decide that this is not a negotiable matter. Hopefully, you won't have to give up your friends over this matter.

If this is just one of many issues that these friends and you have trouble working out, then maybe you would do well to cultivate other friends. If this group keeps pushing and pushing, then they strike me as mean people.
Thanks. You’re right about what you said.
jesyka is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Amethyst_Stargazer
Member
 
Amethyst_Stargazer's Avatar
 
Member Since Oct 2016
Location: Florida USA
Posts: 375
8
56 hugs
given
Default Jun 06, 2023 at 01:33 PM
  #13
I really relate with you on having my picture taken. I'm the same way, I don't honestly like my picture being taken and I usually shy away from it. It's just one of those things I'm not totally comfortable with due to trauma.

Your friends should be respectful and understanding towards your feelings and try not to push you. If it continues on happening you should talk to a close friend in the group about your feeling regardless of how you feel about the entire situation. I hope you resolve things and they understand your feelings.
Amethyst_Stargazer is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
jesyka
Poohbah
 
jesyka's Avatar
 
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: U.S
Posts: 1,443
4
283 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 08, 2023 at 03:11 PM
  #14
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amethyst_Stargazer View Post
I really relate with you on having my picture taken. I'm the same way, I don't honestly like my picture being taken and I usually shy away from it. It's just one of those things I'm not totally comfortable with due to trauma.

Your friends should be respectful and understanding towards your feelings and try not to push you. If it continues on happening you should talk to a close friend in the group about your feeling regardless of how you feel about the entire situation. I hope you resolve things and they understand your feelings.
So, how do people, especially your friends respond when you say no to having your pic taken? Do they respect your boundaries or do they get pushy with you too? How do you deal with pushy people m? Why do you think that some people try to force other people to be in pictures?
jesyka is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
divine1966
Legendary Wise Elder
 
divine1966's Avatar
 
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,878 (SuperPoster!)
9
1,294 hugs
given
Default Jun 08, 2023 at 03:40 PM
  #15
We all need human interactions. But it’s healthier to interact with one nice person than 10 jerks.

Of course sometimes you have to put up with jerks like at work or sometimes in a family. There’s zero need to put with anyone you don’t have to deal with
divine1966 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Anonymous48010
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Jun 08, 2023 at 06:12 PM
  #16
There is no need to feel compelled by others to believe that you cannot get by on your own. The perceived 'need' for constant interaction often stems from cultural and societal influences. This fosters a groupthink mentality and an addiction to seeking constant validation.

Why are some of my friends disrespectful of my boundaries?
People are like puppets, even more so today with what is parroted on our 'screens.' The power dynamics among peers, as well as the need for constant validation and group conformity, all play into the mix. Often, many of these individuals who feel the perceived need to group up do so out of fear rather than some professed inherent need.

Learning about group dynamics outside the sphere of cultural conditioning has helped me see why people all over the world have become more self-centered and disrespectful. Be very wary of people who tell you what you 'need.' That's just more parroting.

I can only share what I know from my own experience and the knowledge that gels well with me. I guess you could say I am what many refer to as a lifeless blob, the Western take on mindfulness. I'm typing, so I can't be that. My take is often ostracized for what 'others' consider as vulnerability. That's how fear works and our society is full of it because it constantly projects it, often behind a mask of happiness.

My suggestion would not be to see these people in a negative light. We have enough name-calling, and when doing so ourselves, we just manifest more suffering by reacting. This group mentality lives in their own fear, often projecting their own vulnerabilities by highlighting that of others. It helps to see these people as victims, but don't treat them as such because that just plays into the love bombing we often see in forums such as these. That being yet another group dynamic based on all kinds of 'created' 'needs.'

Open Door Policy:
With the above insights in mind, I maintain an open door policy while still communicating my limits and discomfort. How I convey this is crucial, and actions can speak louder than words. Avoiding excessive verbalization often proves effective for me. Others may struggle more in this regard, so occasionally, I find it helpful to step out of my comfort zone to provide assistance.

My primary principle is to refrain from reacting. Once I do that, individuals caught in the group trap will eagerly belittle me in their attempts to outdo one another.

Similar to being labeled a lifeless blob, I am often called a hermit, weirdo, recluse, social outcast, and so on. However, it is essential for me to refrain from internalizing their projections and, more importantly, the negative energy they carry.

For me, understanding the reasons behind such labeling is just one aspect of the equation; the other is learning to embrace the reality I find myself in. This involves dismantling boundaries imposed by others and letting go of those I have set up myself. Boundaries tend to create conflicts rather than earning me respect. Nevertheless, the few that remain should still be honored. As for why they are often disregarded, it all comes down to group dynamics and social conditioning. People connect more out of fear than they do because of some professed need.

Just be yourself regardless of what others perceive.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
TishaBuv
Legendary
 
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,258 (SuperPoster!)
9
1,879 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Jun 08, 2023 at 07:16 PM
  #17
Next time it happens, I’d say, “Sorry, I’m just not comfortable being in the pictures. You guys go ahead without me. I’ll take the photo for you!” If they protest, hold firm, “It’s just how I feel about it guys, so sorry, please don’t make a fuss.” If they persist, then they are really callous and rude and I’d probably leave and stop going out with them. It sounds like they are all about posting the photos on social media. There always just has to be the group selfie! You have every right to your boundary on this, especially given your reason that the photo makes you feel critical of yourself. A friend will understand.

__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T
TishaBuv is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Rose76
Reply



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
People who are disrespectful Fuzzybear Bipolar 5 Feb 12, 2020 02:31 PM
Establishing boundaries with friends... Anonymous43089 Relationships & Communication 26 Jul 11, 2019 05:35 PM
T shocked I can be disrespectful Omers Psychotherapy 8 Mar 26, 2019 01:17 PM
when friends are disrespectful justafriend306 General Q&A 15 Feb 12, 2018 03:56 AM
Disrespectful therapist dancinglady Psychotherapy 4 May 13, 2016 03:37 PM


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:18 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.