[Have Hope]

My family has experienced a most horrifying reality. My sister's abusive ex husband

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repeatedly sexually abused his own son at a young age. He lured him into his bedroom each night to fondle him and touch him inappropriately.

My poor nephew, who is now in his early 20's and a junior in college, is only just now having memories of these horrendous experiences with his father. He is now severing his relationship to save himself and his mental health. His father of course, who is a malignant narcissist, is manipulating all 3 boys (he has 3 sons) and is lying and twisting the facts around about these incidents.

Their father also

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choked all 3 boys at night, and suppressed their screams by holding a pillow over their faces

He should be put in jail, but I don't think anyone is going to press any charges. In my state, you can be thrown in jail for sexual abuse of a child.

My sister naturally is a total wreck, and is in full support of her son severing ties with his father. She is intervening so that the 3 boys, her sons, don't have to deal with their father, or even speak to him.

On top of this most horrifying issue, my sister told me last night that she is moving an hour away from us mainly because she wants to get away from our mother.

Our mother has some pretty big issues, I think. She is frequently just completely out of touch with her emotions and is disassociated. She hops from subject to subject at random too and cannot keep the conversation focused for too long on one subject.

My sister's fiance describes our mother as "cold". She can lack empathy and can come across sometimes as just downright mean and insensitive. She speaks with NO filter and says whatever comes to her mind, even if it completely dismisses your feelings and even if it is hurtful.

She also has a tendency to criticize me and my sister often.

Our father, who is now deceased, I would describe as narcissistic and was emotionally neglectful of us and emotionally abusive, I would say, when my sister and I were kids. I got the brunt of it, and as a result, ended up in multiple abusive relationships with narcissists.

I am now working on my own healing from all past abuse. I just got divorced from an abusive narcissist who stomped all over me and who abused me very badly for nearly five years.

It's just me, my sister and my mother in our small nuclear family. I know that once my mother reaches an elderly age, that I will be the one to take care of mom, and that my sister will likely do very little.

My sister told me recently that she always felt all her life as though mom never loved her, and only me. I got all the attention as the baby because I was fairly sickly as an infant and needed more attention. I think my sister resents me for this... and I told her this last night in our conversation. Or rather, I asked her if deep down, she resents me. She said, no, she doesn't think so.

My sister and I have had our own separate issues. When she was going through her divorce with this a-hole malignant narcissist years ago, she used me very badly and I got very hurt, repeatedly, by her thoughtless and careless behavior towards me. Now I wonder if she treated me that way because ultimately she resents me.

We did have a healthy and open conversation last night about our family issues, me and my sister. I think it was positive. And I reached out this morning to offer all my support and love to my nephew who was sexually abused.

I don't know what to do about our mother though. I am left being the one to spend time with mom because my sister is moving away from us, and deliberately. And mom needs frequent company because our father died only just last year. He was mom's best friend for the last 57 years. They were married 57 years and since mom was only 23 years old.

I need a therapist again. I reached out to one recently. She is very good and I've seen her before. But I know now that I need therapy again to deal with all of these deep painful family issues.

There is also a question in my mind of whether my own father

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sexually abused me as a child. I have had dreams of him sexually touching me and he's behaved very oddly and very inappropriately with me, crossing boundaries more than once.

I do not know for certain, however, so this remains to be a mystery and a question mark in my mind. I have shown several symptoms of sexual abuse myself over the years.

Right now, I am going to be single and alone to focus on my healing and recovery.

I want to also have a candid conversation with our mother about how she treats us sometimes.

The other day, for example, I discovered a hack of my facebook advertising account. I was on the phone early in the morning describing the issue to my mother. She tells me to call Apple Support (I have an Apple computer). So, I protested and told her that the hack occurred on the Facebook platform and has NOTHING to do wth Apple! What does she say in reply? She next told me to "SHUT UP" and call Apple! I was absolutely STUNNED.

And of course, Apple could only confirm that my computer and phone had not been hacked, and of course, I could only resolve the issue through Facebook support, as I already knew. But my mother is so arrogant that she thought she was right, I was wrong and that I was being stupid. Hence, telling me to shut up!

I told her the next day that she cannot say those words to me, that they are unacceptable. So I drew a boundary, and she did apologize.

But it does point to her own arrogance - like I'm stupid and she knows best. Which is how she generally treats both me and my sister. She constantly makes my sister feel like she's doing a bad job as a mother. I told my sister last night that she is doing an amazing job. She needs to hear this from me/us. She needs the validation, especially since she couldn't protect her sons from their father's abuse.

Where does all of this bring me? I don't know... I created this thread to be able to let it all out.. all the issues in my family and to write about my own healing process here....

Feel free to chime in and offer support, if you feel like it and are inspired to....

Thanks for reading this through, I know it is long.

[Yaowen]

I am so very, very sorry for the terrible ordeals your family has gone through and the burdens of the heavy struggles you face. Wish I knew how to help.

Talking to a therapist can be helpful. I hope these Forums will prove helpful to you too. I see that you have been on these Forums for some time so you know your way around

Just heartbreaking, the whole situation you describe!

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Yaowen

I am so very, very sorry for the terrible ordeals your family has gone through and the burdens of the heavy struggles you face. Wish I knew how to help.

Talking to a therapist can be helpful. I hope these Forums will prove helpful to you too. I see that you have been on these Forums for some time so you know your way around

Just heartbreaking, the whole situation you describe!

Thank you! It is heartbreaking. Very much so.

[Bill3]

I'm so sorry for all that you have gone through, and are still going through.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Bill3

I'm so sorry for all that you have gone through, and are still going through.

Thank you, Bill.

[Have Hope]

Oh man.. my poor nephew! He is in crisis right now, and my sister is with him. He may need to be hospitalized. He is having a manic episode. This is all I know. My mom is trying to figure out with my sister what to do.

[Have Hope]

My nephew has been hospitalized. This is the first time anyone else in our family has been hospitalized besides myself. I feel for the poor kid. He's totally traumatized. He severed his relationship with his dad recently too.

[Have Hope]

Holy wow... new information and memories came up while my nephew was in the hospital:

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his dad raped him multiple times as a six year old

I am going to puke... this is beyond disturbing!!!!

[Samicat]

Originally Posted by Have Hope

Holy wow... new information and memories came up while my nephew was in the hospital:

Possible trigger:

his dad raped him multiple times as a six year old

I am going to puke... this is beyond disturbing!!!!

That is horrible. I feel so bad for him. I can't imagine uncovering such memories.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Samicat

That is horrible. I feel so bad for him. I can't imagine uncovering such memories.

Thank you... I cannot even imagine how he must feel! It's horrifying. Mom told me the details of just HOW he did this. It's disgusting, despicable, and way too disturbing. His dad belongs in jail! He's a pedophile!