What causes people to become targets for bullying & sexual assault?

Also, very few people ever wanted to be friends with me growing up. Some did in school, but those friendships never lasted long or the friendships never became close ones. I’m not sure why that is. Maybe it was because I was to shy & quiet or boring for most people? Idk.

Maybe it’s that way not too? I’m not as shy & quiet now, but I’m still shy & introverted. I have a very difficult time connecting with other people. I try to connect, but it’s almost impossible for me to meet anyone who actually seems to genuinely like & care about me who I feel the same way about.

I will never forget this - a boy in high school once told me that my saying, "Got you there!" was NOT the way to make friends. I was shocked. I was acting the way my older brother acted towards me, always trying to catch me out if i misspoke, always trying to one-up me, always a smart or sarcastic comeback. I thought people would admire me for being quick-witted and want to be my friend. You seem to be in a similar situation.

We are trying to tell you that, for some reason, you take our suggestions and call them wrong, every dam time. Maybe thats how your family or your husband treats you. You said he blames you for everything. It feels like you do the same thing to our comments.

It takes some bravery to post when you see this coming. Thats what therapy is about.

I said, "LIKE you were drunk." I did not accuse you of being drunk. Some of your posts about the Lyft incident had so many misspelled words that i could not figure out what you were trying to say. I thought maybe you were drunk then too, but i didnt say anything. If you dont care to post clear thoughts, why should i beg?

And i felt you were being evasive about what happened. Friends dont want to hear lies, they want to share truths.

Your truth seems to be that you are anxious and sensitive. Hello?! This is a mental health forum! Who the heck ISNT anxious and sensitive here? You are probably not going to get special treatment for that. You are going to get the kindest treatment we people in recovery can give you, with help from the moderators.

I wasn’t being sarcastic. I was being honest. I never told anyone that they were wrong exactly. I was merely stating my opinions. I may have been uncertain about some things, but I never told anyone that they were wrong exactly. I never ever once used the words you’re wrong.

There are some obvious misunderstandings going on. Sorry for the typos. I dont spell that well on a phone.

I thought I answered everyones questions. I went into a lot of detail I thought. I wasn’t drunk btw on the thread or during the ride.

And I wasn’t lying.

When I said that sometimes honesty is needed and sometimes it’s not needed, your response was “so should I lie about everything?”. But I never said anything like that. I never said you should never be honest. So you either don’t read everything or don’t understand or want to argue regardless what about.

So I think if that’s how you interact irl, it might explain difficulty with making friends. Like sarcastic or brash come backs or appearing not understanding what people say. It would push people away quick

I am not saying it to upset you but rather as a feedback what you could do to have better experience with people

Sorry for the misunderstanding. I wasn’t being sarcastic at all. I’m just honest. Maybe I came across as sounding sarcastic

I honestly don’t understand a lot of things obviously. That’s why I’m always asking a lot of questions obviously. As for making friends, I think it’s a combination of a lot of things like not being the right fit, me maybe being to introverted, me maybe being to shy or not confident enough, not being on their level intellectually or as successful as them, etc.

I wasn’t sarcastic with the people I met. I listened to them & asked questions & intiated contact.

I listened to them talk about themselves more than I should’ve at times tbh.

I tend to attract very selfish self absorbed people for some reason most of the time. Honestly, I think that most people are way to picky, judgmental, want friends who are like them & are intolerant of differences it seems like .

I’ve had so called former friends who accused me of being a drug addict for using prescription medication for my anxiety & depression. I found that out after our friendship ended. I’m so sick of being judged.

Also, here are a few examples of what the women were like who I met. There is a definite pattern here.

They were mostly selfish people

1) This lady had health issues & could only eat certain foods. I went for a walk with her a few times. She literally talked nonstop about her health issues & only asked me once about me. She said oh, I was talking about myself so much, so, tell me about yourself. So I did then after 30 seconds she started to talk about herself again.

I had enough & stopped talking to her.

The other few women I went on a walk with were similar to her as well. And I had to work around their schedule on top of that too.

A few other women continually flaked on me, so I gave up on them. I even gave one lady 3 chances!

I intiated contact twice with two women. They never once initiated plans ever, so I took that as a sign of disinterest of course.

Can you see why I’m so frustrated & feel like giving up? I asked questions & I wasn’t sarcastic. This is very frustrating.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jesyka I wasn’t being sarcastic. I was being honest. I never told anyone that they were wrong exactly. I was merely stating my opinions. I may have been uncertain about some things, but I never told anyone that they were wrong exactly. I never ever once used the words you’re wrong. There are some obvious misunderstandings going on. Sorry for the typos. I dont spell that well on a phone. I thought I answered everyones questions. I went into a lot of detail I thought. I wasn’t drunk btw on the thread or during the ride. And I wasn’t lying.

How "not exactly" did you tell them they were wrong? That usually (not always) means the use of passive aggressive talk & no one wants to be friends with a person like that.

It sounds like YOU have a way of communicating with people that causes them to strike back at you & maybe that is what you are consider to be bullying because you don't see their side of the situation.....also no one wants to be a friend with someone who behaves like that toward them. You are only seeing it from your point of view.

I know we are just online, but everyone here is trying to be your friend. It feels to me like we give you a lot of time and attention and energy, but what do we get back?

What do you mean by your first statement exactly? How do I communicate things in a way that upsets people? I just say what I think. I’m sorry, but I don’t understand what you’re saying. I’m not passive aggressive. I do try to listen to people & I do try to see their side of a situation. I obviously don’t always understand things, but I try to. That’s why I ask questions.

I do appreciate that. What do you expect of me? I only give out advice when I feel like I can offer it which isn’t often.

I can barely help myself , so how can I possibly help anyone else? Sorry. I wish that I could help more, but I can’t.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jesyka What do you mean by your first statement exactly? How do I communicate things in a way that upsets people? I just say what I think. I’m sorry, but I don’t understand what you’re saying. I’m not passive aggressive. I do try to listen to people & I do try to see their side of a situation. I obviously don’t always understand things, but I try to. That’s why I ask questions.

You are the one that used the term "exactly". I am just asking you if you didn't "exactly" tell them they were wrong then how did you tell them they were wrong? If you "didn't exactly" tell them they were wrong then you did tell them they were wrong some other way.

When I voice my opinion that IS NOT telling someone they are wrong (not even "not exactly") unless I insinuate with my attitude that my opinion is the only thing right in the conversation. People don't stay friends long when someone is like that

Most people want friends like them. Similar life styles, interests, hobbies, worldviews etc It’s nearly impossible to make friends with people who are vastly different. You could be acquittances but not friends.

It doesn’t make people intolerant or self absorbed. It’s just how friendships work. All my friends are very similar to me. I could hang out with people who are very different and I can tolerate them but they aren’t going to become my friends.

And that’s maybe where the problem lies. Again there are times to communicate what you think and there are times when you shouldn’t. Always saying what you think turns people off.

To quote Frasier Crane “it’s acceptable to have unexpressed thoughts”. Unexpressed thoughts help people to be socially civil. As civilized people we need to be able to hold every thought we have.

And I am a blunt person so I recognize it’s not always easy. But if you insist on always saying what you think and always be honest, and the result is having troublesome relationships with people then you have choices to make.

There is lots of social stuff happening on here, about pets, tv shows, school, exercise, food, and just support in general. There are very few people who are standouts at being good at stuff - most of us are just muddling thru and appreciate a warm comment from someone with a shared interest.

I don’t think una meant you need to give anyone advice or help people. She meant creating friendships on here. Give and take. You can start with friendships on here

When you ask for help and people give many many suggestions taking their time to do so, but you always respond harshly and with the argument, we don’t feel we get the same effort back as we give you. If that’s what happens in real life, then it explains trouble with friendships. And even on here eventually people will stop responding.

Agree. Lots of social interactions that very much resemble real life friendships in many ways.

That’s true unfortunately it seems like. Maybe I’m to different from most people.

I do censor my thoughts at times. I guess I should censor them more though. Apparently honesty isn’t appropriate or appreciated at times.

I’ll try to make more of an effort when I’m not to tired, stressed, upset or depressed to do so. It’s not easy living with depression.

Shared interests are a good place to start, that’s how people often meet at sports clubs, crafts groups, you name it there’s often a group for it. Lots of people feel comfortable with an activity to work around.

I went to the volunteer session this afternoon btw, the one I wasn’t looking forward to going to and I really liked it to my surprise- it’s adapted golf for seniors, they need people to pick the balls up, position them, fetch and carry etc. I noticed how focused they all were on the activity and some of these people were pretty seriously impaired physically but they were bonding over the activity. I doubt those people had much in common other than the activity and maybe there’s no close friends there but there was a nice atmosphere of camaraderie and acquaintanceship.

I wonder if you possibly set the bar too high for yourself in that it might be useful to focus on more casual interactions.

I like Una’s suggestion of the social/games threads here too, fwiw I think there’s some really nice, interesting, funny and kind people who post here. You could always join in, you’d be welcome.

I actually give more than most people give me irl I mentioned bring used as a free therapist by these selfish toxic users I blocked for my own sanity. Like I said, I wasn’t even asked even one single question about myself. Not even most of my current friends ask me about myself usually. Only one friend will actually ask me how I’m doing now.

No wonder I’m depressed! No one cares about me but her it seems like.

I feel l misunderstood. I was NOT bring sarcastic or argumentative. Just because I didn’t go out & volunteer right away doesn’t mean that I’m not taking peoples advice seriously.

To much pressure is being put on me. I shouldn’t be expected to do everything people tell me to do. I’ll do what I think is best for me. Not being sarcastic. Maybe I’ll go out & do volunteer work eventually.

People on here need to remember that I have social anxiety & that I suck at group situations. People who don’t have social anxiety have no idea how hard it is to talk to anyone when you have social anxiety It was hard meeting those women I met in person.

I’m not lashing out once again. I’m just stating opinions & my feelings. I don’t understand why people keep on thinking I’m being hostile

Also, I’m not as smart or as insightful or as experienced with things as most people on here, so how can I possibly help anyone or offer any advice? I’m limited on what help I can offer, sorry.

Well, i was being honest when i said your post sounded like you were drunk. You didnt "appreciate" that and you felt attacked! So how can you complain that you were just being honest and didnt mean to attack.

Hey, sometimes we DO get people on here who post under the influence. Either we ignore them or call them on it. Usually ignore. Nobody wants to interwebface with a drunk person, its really unfair.

But again, pretty much everybody on here is moody, sensitive and depressed. That does not make you special here. It makes you an equal.

Why unfortunately though?

Don’t you want friends who appreciate similar things in life? When you describe what friends you’d like, you always list specific things in your posts that are similar to what you like.

You yourself look for friends who are similar to you. You posted lists of preferences several times. You even complained that some people don’t meet your expectations by for example not liking to go to new restaurants. Your requirements for friends are very specific.

Why would you not appreciate that others look for people similar to them as well?

How are you different if you yourself have preferences in people you choose for friendships? You are not different in that sense

There’s a double standard at play.

If always speaking what you think and always being honest is expected and others shouldn’t get upset how you talk to them, then why do you get upset and angry when others just “say what they think”.

Like unaluna mentioned above she said she thought you sounded like you were drunk ( she didn’t say you were drunk), you were upset at what she said. But she just said what she thought.

According to you it should not be upsetting. According to you people should always speak what they think and feel with no censorship. Do you see how this is double standard when it applies to you?

Again no one said you are expected to provide any help or offer any advice.

That’s great that you enjoyed the experience that you had doing volunteer work. I’ll look into those threads soon. Ideally I would like to find some friends irl though.

I have actually lowered the bar as far as friendships go. I still have standards though. I will not put up with people who flake excessively or people who only want to talk about themselves & their problems all the time. I will not put up with rude selfish people. who don’t care about me at all.