What causes people to become targets for bullying & sexual assault?

That’s true unfortunately it seems like. Maybe I’m to different from most people.

I do censor my thoughts at times. I guess I should censor them more though. Apparently honesty isn’t appropriate or appreciated at times.

I’ll try to make more of an effort when I’m not to tired, stressed, upset or depressed to do so. It’s not easy living with depression.

Shared interests are a good place to start, that’s how people often meet at sports clubs, crafts groups, you name it there’s often a group for it. Lots of people feel comfortable with an activity to work around.

I went to the volunteer session this afternoon btw, the one I wasn’t looking forward to going to and I really liked it to my surprise- it’s adapted golf for seniors, they need people to pick the balls up, position them, fetch and carry etc. I noticed how focused they all were on the activity and some of these people were pretty seriously impaired physically but they were bonding over the activity. I doubt those people had much in common other than the activity and maybe there’s no close friends there but there was a nice atmosphere of camaraderie and acquaintanceship.

I wonder if you possibly set the bar too high for yourself in that it might be useful to focus on more casual interactions.

I like Una’s suggestion of the social/games threads here too, fwiw I think there’s some really nice, interesting, funny and kind people who post here. You could always join in, you’d be welcome.

I actually give more than most people give me irl I mentioned bring used as a free therapist by these selfish toxic users I blocked for my own sanity. Like I said, I wasn’t even asked even one single question about myself. Not even most of my current friends ask me about myself usually. Only one friend will actually ask me how I’m doing now.

No wonder I’m depressed! No one cares about me but her it seems like.

I feel l misunderstood. I was NOT bring sarcastic or argumentative. Just because I didn’t go out & volunteer right away doesn’t mean that I’m not taking peoples advice seriously.

To much pressure is being put on me. I shouldn’t be expected to do everything people tell me to do. I’ll do what I think is best for me. Not being sarcastic. Maybe I’ll go out & do volunteer work eventually.

People on here need to remember that I have social anxiety & that I suck at group situations. People who don’t have social anxiety have no idea how hard it is to talk to anyone when you have social anxiety It was hard meeting those women I met in person.

I’m not lashing out once again. I’m just stating opinions & my feelings. I don’t understand why people keep on thinking I’m being hostile

Also, I’m not as smart or as insightful or as experienced with things as most people on here, so how can I possibly help anyone or offer any advice? I’m limited on what help I can offer, sorry.

Well, i was being honest when i said your post sounded like you were drunk. You didnt "appreciate" that and you felt attacked! So how can you complain that you were just being honest and didnt mean to attack.

Hey, sometimes we DO get people on here who post under the influence. Either we ignore them or call them on it. Usually ignore. Nobody wants to interwebface with a drunk person, its really unfair.

But again, pretty much everybody on here is moody, sensitive and depressed. That does not make you special here. It makes you an equal.

Why unfortunately though?

Don’t you want friends who appreciate similar things in life? When you describe what friends you’d like, you always list specific things in your posts that are similar to what you like.

You yourself look for friends who are similar to you. You posted lists of preferences several times. You even complained that some people don’t meet your expectations by for example not liking to go to new restaurants. Your requirements for friends are very specific.

Why would you not appreciate that others look for people similar to them as well?

How are you different if you yourself have preferences in people you choose for friendships? You are not different in that sense

There’s a double standard at play.

If always speaking what you think and always being honest is expected and others shouldn’t get upset how you talk to them, then why do you get upset and angry when others just “say what they think”.

Like unaluna mentioned above she said she thought you sounded like you were drunk ( she didn’t say you were drunk), you were upset at what she said. But she just said what she thought.

According to you it should not be upsetting. According to you people should always speak what they think and feel with no censorship. Do you see how this is double standard when it applies to you?

Again no one said you are expected to provide any help or offer any advice.

That’s great that you enjoyed the experience that you had doing volunteer work. I’ll look into those threads soon. Ideally I would like to find some friends irl though.

I have actually lowered the bar as far as friendships go. I still have standards though. I will not put up with people who flake excessively or people who only want to talk about themselves & their problems all the time. I will not put up with rude selfish people. who don’t care about me at all.

I see your point. I’ll try to correct my spelling next time to not appear drunk.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jesyka I do censor my thoughts at times. I guess I should censor them more though. Apparently honesty isn’t appropriate or appreciated at times.

The thing is what you seem to be calling honesty is just your opinion & when one puts out their opinion as fact or truth against someone else's opinion it doesn't come across as opinion but as trying to force your view on them.

I grew up with a dad who was like that & he had no friends. Way back in those days diagnoses didn't exist for many of the mental health issues that exist today but I know there was something going on in his mind that made his communication with others a problem which was why he had no friends & I avoided being out in public with him as much as possible. We were never close.

When we hold on to being different & don't make a real effort to learn social norms then nothing that we complain about will ever change cause we are the only one who can make changes to improve things. Just the way life works

Yes, I’d like friends similar to me. I have actually been friends with some people who were very different from me in dome ways.

One lady was a tomboy who never wore makeup or dressed up. She was really into geeky things. Another was a Christian lady who was against medication & overly boy crazy. There’s more, but that’s the gist of it.

And yes I was specific about some things, but I wouldn’t exactly rule out people who didn’t like going to new restaurants for example. Most people I know or have known actually disliked going to new places.

They had other qualities I liked though. I often find that other people are the ones who are nit picky They only want to go out at certain times & to certain places. I accomodate them usually.

I have my preferences, but I wouldn’t not be someone’s friend for not liking everything that I like. It seems like most people I meet ARE MUCH more judgemental & not as open & flexible as I am.

As I said, they only want to go out during this time on these days or only go to certain places or not go out at night, not see most movies, the list goes on. It’s annoying, but I don’t say anything about it.

One lady I just met complained about the way I ate as she’s germa phobe. See what I put up with? Ugh! Unbelievable!

OK, I see your point.

This. There does seem to be one set of rules for you being “honest” and everyone else being “honest” you ask for feedback then say but I’m sensitive and special don’t tell me the facts if I won’t like them. When you are informed your honesty comes across as harsh you say you were just being honest. But when other people give you honest feedback you say they are attacking you and you’re special. This is a mental illness form, everyone on here is special and everyone ( for the most part) is trying their best. When you constantly get the same feedback, maybe, sit with it awhile and reflect on it.

This has all just been a misunderstanding. Let’s just please forget about this & move on.

Well they might only go out at certain times and days because they lack flexibility due to life circumstances. Not everyone can afford being open and flexible. I only go out specific days and times. Not going out at night is not that unusual either: sleep schedule or not seeing well at night or having to be up early etc You say other people are judgemental but you judge them too for not being flexible or not liking certain things.

I am not saying you must be exact the same but some things just aren’t compatible

I understand that some people have certain schedules, but even when these people are able to go out at certain times, they refuse to do so. One friend who doesn’t work refused to attend a 5p.m dinner for my birthday because she doesn’t like doing anything late in the day & for her, that’s to late.

She couldn’t even make one exception for my birthday dinner!

So it had to be postponed because of her. I’m annoyed but I didn’t say anything about it. Other people are much more judgmental of me.

As I mentioned before. two former friends had the nerve to accuse me of being a drug addict for taking necessary prescription medication that I don’t abuse. Wth? That’s disgusting!

Although one of them was probably an alcoholic & that the probability of them both being sex addicts were high, I didn’t end up judging them for that since it didn’t harm myself or directly harm anyone that I could see, I didn’t judge them for that. They judged me though.

You don't come across as sensitive to me. Someone who is truly sensitive, treats others with sensitively and kindness. The old "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".
In other words, you know what it is like to feel deep hurt, so don't want to hurt others.

You come across as someone who gets offended easily. And that is good news, as that is a choice/behaviour that can be changed. Being too sensitive is much harder to change.

Also, this friend who refused to make one single compromise for my birthday is always trying to get her way with our grouo. And she often gets away with it too.

I said no this one time since it’s my birthday. I already tried to accommodate her by changing restaurants TWICE to suit HER NEEDS and HER tastes for MY birthday dinner.

She is super picky & she doesn’t like sushi so Japanese food was out. Then some other place. What a pain! And now she still can’t go out. So who knows when my birthday celebration will happen. Even her best friend said that she’s set in her ways & very rigid.

I’m being accommodating & flexible & I’m still being thought of as being inflexible & judgemental. I don’t get it. I’m not trying to argue with you. I’m stating facts.

As I said, it’s other people who are usually the judgemental picky inflexible & rigid ones, not me normally.

I have my preferences, but I’m not super rigid & judgmental like most people seem to be.