Rude chiropractor. Called him out finally.

My chiropractor kept making this strange remark for months to ‘stay out of trouble’ after I made the mistake of telling him about this one time a former friend & I went out drinking & she ended up getting us kicked out of two bars in one night for being drunk.

He thought it was funny. I should’ve have told him that. He then would loudly say, stay out of trouble almost every time in fromt of his staff & his other clients.

I tried ignoring him, but that didn’t work. So I finally told him to please stop saying that as nicely as I could last time. I told him that it makes me look bad and to please stop & that it’s not funny.

He said sorry but he looked like he was trying hard not to laugh which was so rude & unprofessional!

I was pissed! I handled things fairly well though. I was stern but not mean. I then told him that I regret telling him anything & he said really or something like that.

He was quiet after that. Oh, prior to that day I said ‘whatever’ to his last stupid comment & he burst out laughing. Wth? So immature & rude! This guy is 31 but his attitude is like that of a teenager!

Other than this, he’s OK. He does a good job & he’s affordable.

Why would he treat me like this? It’s rude & unprofessional! My friend said he’s a jerk & that he obviously doesn’t respect me. She said that I can be naive & he probably looked down on me for oversharing a personal story with him.

She’s probably right about that. Still, he shouldn’t be that rude to a client.

Why would he treat me like this? How would you have handled his bizarre reactions other than not going back there again?

That was not my reaction, in terms of his age. When I read your story, I assumed that the guy was older than you, that he was making a patronizing, condescending remark and that you were hurt specifically by that. I was very surprised to learn that he is so young.

I cannot comment substantively as I have never been in such a situation, but I am wondering in what context you decided to tell him the story about being kicked out of two bars. You must have been on really close terms with him for such a conversation to have taken place in the first place. It is not something one normally shares with service providers, even when they practice healing arts (unless, of course, you are in treatment for alcohol misuse). What had the two of you been talking about before you decided to tell him about being kicked out of two bars?

You told him to stop and he did. Previously you ignored his comments so how would he know to stop? Or made comments like “whatever”, which again is not asking him to stop.

When you shared that story before I misunderstood that he kept doing it after you asked. But that’s not the case at all. See you said before that you want people to be honest and direct and tell you exactly what they think and you don’t want them to be people pleasers.

Yet you did exactly that. You kept going there suffering because of his comments yet never telling him to stop. So you were not direct and honest and expected him to read your mind, exactly what those “people pleasers” do.

Now you could say as a professional he should know better. But maybe he thought it’s just a silly banter to follow up your story. You shared about being drunk and kicked out of bars, was he supposed to lecture you on alcohol abuse? He thought you two are just doing friendly banter in a joking manner. He possibly thought you might like these jokes. How was he supposed to know.

All you had to do is to tell him to stop, which you finally did.

My impression was that he thought he was giving you a light hearted ribbing. You probably told him the story in a funny way. He thought he was connecting with you with a running commentary gag kind of comment. His saying, ‘You stay safe now’ sounds cheeky to me, not like he was firmly serious in response to a dark story of danger. He wouldn’t keep saying it if it had come across any other way than a funny calamity and he thought you’d enjoy his teasing.

I’d have said the same thing as you to get him to stop. I’d say, “Ugh, please, I don’t want to be reminded of that. I’m sorry I even told you.” I wouldn’t have been angry at him, but just let’s move on to something else because the ribbing is embarrassing.

Why did you tell him the story? What was your tone in telling it? Do you think you came across as telling it in a funny way leaving it to that interpretation?

The story I told was obviously a mistake. I overshared. The point is that he was very unprofessional & rude to continue to make those comments about not getting into trouble in front of his staff & his other clients. M
It’s highly inappropriate.

I ignored him at first but he didn’t get the hint or he didn’t care. I had enough. When I said whatever, he laughed loudly.

Then he tried not to laugh when I finally told him to stop making those remarks. He had a huge smirk on his face.

Yesterday he behaved. I should’ve spoken up sooner. I just made a mistake. He should’ve have done that. Why would he be so rude & disrespectful?

I see what you’re saying. I should’ve said something a lot dooner. I made a mistake in telling him that story.

I thought that by ignoring him mostly he’d get the hint. He never did or he didn’t care. A friend said that he’s rude & that he obviously has no respect for me. She’s probably right about that.

I don’t know if he thought he was teasing me or not. I just didn’t like the fact that he looked like he was trying not to laugh when I told him to stop.

That was highly inappropriate & rude. You don’t do that when someone is telling you to stop doing this or that because it bothers you. That is bizarre & disrespectful.

Thankfully he behaved yesterday. I truly despise men & most people. They suck!

He didn’t say you stay safe. He said, stay out of trouble. And the fact that he tried not to laugh at me when I told him to please stop doing that the other day was disgusting & rude behavior.

I don’t think he cared about anything but loosing money. My feelings don’t seem to marter much st all. Thankfully he didn’t say anything yesterday.

I shouldn’t have mentioned that, but he shouldn’t react to me in such a rude & disrespectful way.

Well you said you don’t like when people give you hints and want direct communication, yet you expected this guy to get a hint. He’s not a mind reader. He possibly didn’t know it hurt your feelings. When directly asked, he stopped.

As about trying not to laugh, sometimes it’s hard to control, it could be an anxious reaction to embarrassment and being called out. It’s not abnormal to react in that manner.

He possibly didn’t know he was being rude and disrespectful. You shared a story, never asked him not to comment, maybe he just went along. Maybe he thinks he is bonding in that way, maybe he himself was kicked out drunk and he could relate and don’t mean disrespect.

It seems that you assign thoughts and feelings and character traits to people quite a bit. He just wants money (honestly that’s why most people work-to pay bills), he is disrespectful etc

You did not answer my question. I asked you to describe how you told him about being kicked out and instead you judged telling him as a mistake which provides me with zero information.

I can tell you that I agree with Divine in that you expected him to read your mind and he didn't.

Why would you tell something like that to someone that provides you a service in the first place. Seriously that kind of information ISN'T the kind of thing that makes people respect you . If you meant it to be a funny experience that is exactly how he took it & then you didn't like the results of what you did. Actions & words ALWAYS have consequences. We need to think about that before we share with people in general.

People DON'T have mind reading capabilities so to expect him to read your mind when you gave no response or said "whatever" is a problem on your part. You complain about others not being direct....you were NOT being direct until you finally said please stop it.

Given what you said about your "bar" night I probably would have responded in the same way when you left after hearing that story. It puts you in the light of "someone who makes choices that gets them into trouble" & people don't respect that. You don't want people to see you in that way then don't tell them things that make them see you that way. Think before you say something like that because there will ALWAYS be consequences whether you like them or not & it may just be a silent thinking much less of you without saying anything or a response like your Chiropradtor did. You are as responsible as he is for what happened but you never seem like you are ever willing to hold yourself accountable but sure love to "should" everyone else when you don't like how they respond to you

I said: can you please stop telling me to stay out of trouble everytime I leave? It makes me look bad in fromt of your staff & your other clients. I don’t like it & it’s not funny. Please stop. He said sorry & OK.

I said thanks.

I think Tart asked you how did you tell the story about being kicked out from bars. I think that would explain why he keeps joking about it. Like if you shared it as a tragic event or as a funny joke and what was the context?

I understand that. My point is that he was wrong for reacting to me in a manner that was rude & disrespectful AFTER I told him to stop.

He should not be holding back laughter. That is NOT an appropriate way to treat a client. Thst is the only slip up I made with him.

Yes, I shouldn’t have said that & I should’ve said something sooner. HE is the professional & HE shpuld NOT be smirking like a stupid teenager when someone is being serious about a boundary violation.

Why is that not being addressed?

He actually made some comment about drinking & I unfortunately told him that story to whete it was my former friend who got us kicked out of two places, NOT me. I said I dropped her as a friend after that.

I did address it. More than once.

I know that sometimes it’s hard to control laughter and laughter is a very common reaction to being nervous or anxious or embarrassed or being put on a spot.

Also I don’t understand what you mean by “shouldn’t hold back laughter”. That’s exactly what he should be doing: trying to hold it back. You wouldn’t want him loudly laugh with his mouth open. He had a reaction so he was trying to hold it back

So you were casually chatting about bars and drinking in a friendly manner. How was he supposed to know he shouldn’t comment on it after? You really need to communicate directly and honestly and not drop hints expecting people to read your mind. That’s exactly what you don’t want others to do. So be direct.

No, I didn’t want him to laugh, but to react that way when I’m being serious is rude. I wasn’t making a joke. I was telling him to stop making those inappropriate remarks.

This is not what I was asking about. I asked about the whole context of the initial sharing of the bar night experience. How did that come about? What preceded the sharing on your part? In what mood were you? Etc.

Now that I have read your subsequent exchange on this thread with Divine, I have some idea.

I can tell you how you should have told him to stop.

"Hey... I want to talk for a bit about the "Stay of trouble" remarks". Look, I know you have the best intentions and I appreciate your trying to be funny and also being protective of me. But it just isn't funny for me, and I also do not like that you are saying what you are saying in front of your staff. I believe it makes me look bad. Please do not do it again, OK?"

here he would say something

"It is all good. You know that I value your services. And I am sorry that I did not tell you that I did not like the "stay out of trouble" remark when it was first uttered but instead hoped for you to interpret my lack of laughing at it as a hint that you should stop. I won't expect you to read my mind again. You are a chiropractor, not a clairvoyant".

here he would say some more

"It is all good. We are friends. You are the best. And don't you worry, I AM a good girl now and stay out of trouble, with your blessing".

He could not control finding it funny. Or he was surprised at what appeared a completely sudden and out of the blue communication from you and reacted with wanting to laugh. He did not laugh. He did the best he could: he held back laughter. Were you alone in a room with him or where there staff members around when you demanded that he stop making his habitual remarks?