When does a loan become a gift?

I have a great husband, but sometimes I swear that the man is from another planet, one that I do not understand. Quite a long time ago he loaned a co-worker some special edition video games that belonged to the kids.

The person he loaned them to, first changed shifts, then was injured off work and was on short term disability. When he came back to work, at my prodding he asked for the games back. The man replied that he and his girlfriend had split up and she had taken some things that belonged to him and he thought that these games were among them.

My response to this was, I don't care if he's got to get them off ebay and pay twice as much for them he has to replace them! My husband disagrees, he feels that too much time has gone by and is too embarrassed to push the issue.

This is not the first time we've had to replace something because it passed the loan stage and somehow entered the "gift" stage. The last time it was a very expensive stereo system that he borrowed to a friend for a party, and since he didn't bring it home immediately he wouldn't ask for it back.

Am I being unreasonable? These games were brand new when they were loaned out. They are currently selling for double their original price and very hard to come by. Why should WE have to replace them? He's agreed not to loan things out again, but we're still missing these games that belonged to the kids and they would like them back.

Where are you and the kids (rightful owners :-) when he's loaning this good stuff out? I think maybe you could make a case that since he does a lousy collection job on some loans that he's only allowed to lend out his own stuff, not "joint" or the kid's stuff or yours and he has to let you know when he's loaning something out (so you can bug him to get it returned a little faster when there's a chance it will be).

I'd give him good marks for sharing and helping others but he doesn't quite have the financial portion of the partnership down well enough to be allowed out on his own? LOL

LOL exactly! But (ducks) is this a man thing? We had a great debate about this with some of his friends about the stereo. They all agreed that it had been too long and that it should just be written off.

Hmmm.....I've experienced this with my ex........LOL! VERY frustrating.

My mom is like that too - kind of afraid to confront people after a certain amount of time has passed.....I just lost a $3500.00 4 wheeler to the same kind of behavior.

I say he just has to stand up to them! Took me a long time to stop getting run over by others! But I had to do it!

Hope he gets better at his collections skills!

My husband doesn't lend stuff :-) If you want something from my husband you have to ask for it (and he'll lend/give it to you, he's not ungenerous or anything) but if it's money I know his sons have borrowed from us (after he has informed me or asked me my opinion) and they send him "statements" every so often telling him where they're at in paying back, where the loan is, etc. But I can't see him lending an item without someone seeing it and saying, "gee that's great, can I borrow it?" and generally my husband will be through with whatever it is so doesn't care if he gets it back?

What do you all do for stereo, games, etc. that he lends out while you don't have them? I would think he'd get tired of you all wanting whatever he's lent out and complaining to him to get it back, etc.? I give books and have one friend that always gives them back :-) when I don't want them back, that's why I gave them to you! LOL. But most my friends give back what they borrow so maybe it's just his class of friends :-)

Luckily, he has enough of a fear of my reaction not to do it very often, just seems like when he does, it's always to someone that doesn't return it.

Odd that you bring up books. I have a box of books all ready to be returned to a friend. Every time she comes over I say hey, let me get your books, she says, ah, next time. ooooOOOOOoooo Maybe she doesn't want them back!

The games belonged to Andy, the are PS2 games, and when they got the wii, the kind of forgot about them.... for a while, now the 4th installment in this game series is coming out on the 6th, and they want to play the first three (get that from me). He's upset of course, because he can't find them anywhere.

Dad was going to replace them so that mom would quit bugging him. grrrrr, that does NOT fix the situation. Plus, you can only get them second hand now.

So, what's he getting from this loaning behavior? The other guys think he's a great guy? Asking for stuff back would put a damper on that, especially if you have to be insistent/"nasty" about it. Rock and a hard place between you and looking good it looks like :-) You should buy him stuff for holidays specifically for him to give away, LOL.

No I don't think that's it. In fact I was shocked that he loaned them to him, cause they're not friends or anything like that. The guy he loaned them to is an irritating jerk. But at the time, Hubby borrowed some games from him and in return loaned out Andy's game. He returned the games he borrowed when he was finished playing them long ago. For a while the other guy "forgot" to bring them in. Then it was the shift change, injury, girlfriend etc.

Ah, hubby can't borrow comfortably, be in debt to someone; has to make it an even exchange?

You've met him then! No, he does not recieve well. He must be the one to pay for dinner when we go out with friends etc. It's not "I'm the big man" it's that he cannot owe anyone anything.

Ah, one of the many gifts from hanging around our parents. My stepmother taught me to say "thank you" a bit too well; I finally figured out I was having to say "thank you" before I was given the gift Now I'm a bit gun shy about "gifts" too.

Have your husband ask his friend for the ex-girlfriend's phone number, call her up, explain the situation with the borrowed games, and maybe she will be happy to return them. You never know until you try.

That is an awesome idea sunrise, only I'm having trouble getting him to bring the subject up again with the man that borrowed them period. I don't understand why he's embarrassed, he didn't do anything wrong, nor is he by requesting the kids property back. I'll tell you a secret, I know the man, he actually worked with me not hubby (same place, different departments) and I"M thinking of calling him. I know that this will make my husband VERY unhappy, but I don't see him leaving me with any alternative.

I think it would be fine if you called the friend, but I think you should warn husband first you will be doing that. This would give him one last chance to do it himself. Good luck!

This sounds like my husband. He doesn't like to make waves. He'll go to extraordinary lengths to avoid conflict.

My mother had a policy of considering loans "gifts." For her, I'm sure this was a way to get the goods on people.

Oh, I just thought of something else. There are people, like my sister, who will insist you borrow something. Then she expects you to lend her something. But the thing she loaned is something she no longer cares about, and what she wants to borrow is something you really care about.

That guy with the video games sounds like that.

It's a very tough call for me, if I call the man in question there's no way I can tell my husband about it before I do. If I do it, I do it knowing that he will be mortified, put in that perspective is it worth mortifying my husband to get these things returned?

"neither borrower nor lender be"

Old sage advice from the Bible.

I should learn that one.

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Doh2007 said:

My mother had a policy of considering loans "gifts." For her, I'm sure this was a way to get the goods on people.

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You mother was/is a very wise woman.

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AAAAA said:
It's a very tough call for me, if I call the man in question there's no way I can tell my husband about it before I do.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Why not? Are you worried he will get angry at you? I think it should all be out in the open or don't do it.