Did my new aquaintence have ulterior motives?

First of all, I have NO intention of meeting this person. Especially after the way they treated me. I have finally learned my lesson about what to look out for with most people by now!

Especially men! I have not had any male friends, even online ones for years as I no longer trust any of them due to having a lot of bad experiences with men sexually harassing me.

He saw a thread of mine that I made on another site & contacted me. He didn’t talk about sex, so I gave him a chance. I almost didn’t because I’m that cynical.

Anyways, he’s 52 & he’s disabled, was in the army, was homeless for awhile due to being kicked out by an abusive ex g.f who drained their joint account. She renewed the lease w/o him & changed the locks

Trigger warning:


His story sounded convincing. It could be made up though. He said he was an intern for a sex therapist but quit due to it being tedious.

He then became a cook. We talked about food, our past trauma, etc. He wanted to help me with my issues & to help me get away from my husband.

The weird thing is that he has a long distance g.f who knows about me. She is OK with him talking to me.

What is really weird is that he kept bugging me pics. Especially a full body pic. He said he’d like to eventually talk on the phone too & to eventually meet for lunch in person but not righrt away. He lives far away btw, but still in Ca.

I thought this was an odd thing to ask a stranger right away. He also said that I definitely have a ‘submissive’ personality which I completely disagree with.

He barely knows me & he thinks he knows what I’m like? lol. I’m not a submissive person. I’m not a dominant person, but I’m not submissive either.

He got mad at me yesterday & said that he was trying to help me & why I didn’t trust him & that he’s not expecting sex, he just wanted to know what I look like.

I told him that this is to much to soon. I also didn’t like the fact that he said he has a dominant personality which is another red flag. He didn’t mean that in a bdsm way he said. He said he’d push me when I needed to be pushed.

He obviously doesn’t respect boundaries. He refused to contact me as much after I told him no. He was like, you didn’t even try to work out an agreement to send something eventually or some crap like that, ugh!

Why would he want my pic so badly when he has a g.f? I sense a weird ulterior motive here. I felt like he was trying to manipulate me & that he was punishing me for not doing what he wanted me to do.

Maybe he’s full of crap. His story really did seem to be beleiveable tbh. I’m not thst naieve btw. I let my guard down out of curiosity. I knew that I could always block him & I did.

I was hoping that he was different. He wasn’t. I wanted to meet a genuinely kind supportive, sensitive & respectful male friend who’d be considerate of my feelings. Those men don’t seem to exist. If they do, they’re a rare find for sure.

What a weirdo! I’m officially done with trusting any guy! It seems to me that all they care about is sex, sex, sex & controlling & using women for their own selfish needs & desires! Ugh! Never again!

I don’t even know where to start.

Why were you corresponding with a man like this at all? You are married. I know your marriage isn’t great, but you are married. If you find yourself corresponding with someone and you aren’t open about that with your husband (I am assuming your husband has no idea about this), then maybe you realize it’s not on the up and up to begin with. You aren’t innocent here. You hold some responsibility. Be smarter.

Good to hear you blocked him. Additionally, you probably need to delete your account on that forum. You’ve opened yourself up to scammers and predators. Bottom line: he did this because he’s a scammer and predator.

Stay off of random forums and social media if you can’t preventively lock your privacy settings so people can’t get to you. Don’t correspond privately with people on Internet forums. You don’t know who they are. That’s just basic internet adulting 101. This is how and why the scammers and predators of the world keep staying in business.

What a horrible experience. I'm the same, usually don't even bother giving people the benefit of the doubt because it always seems to end up messed up one way or another. You did a good job sticking to your guns and setting boundaries, definitely not the submissive easily manipulated person he was looking for. He would probably have complimented your body then started pressuring for nude pics. It's a shame we can't trust people anymore.

I get that you are bored and unhappy but this isn’t the way to go. Do check into department of vocational rehabilitation and see if they can help you with getting a job that fits you. You need to be doing something productive to keep you from harm.

Oh he definitely sounds like he was up to something, you did the right thing getting away! Unfortunately there’s a lot of chancers online.

Scammers use pictures of random people to create fake dating profiles and scam innocent victims. He’s not asking your pics for some innocent reason. His stories likely a lie.

You can’t expect random strangers to be your friends. You don’t know them. Are you in the open marriage? If not, then what you do with these men is not very appropriate, in addition to being dangerous

There are ton of great men out there. No it’s not rare. But they don’t engage in dumb talk with strangers online. Certainly not with married women

Don't believe that he was in real. There's no way to know he was even a "he" let alone his whole life story (could be entirely fictional).

Don't fall down this rabbit hole online to seek out emotional validation from other men, since your marriage is rocky right now. "He" sounds like an internet troll of some sort, who seeks out emotionally vulnerable women to prey upon.

Stay away from any/all online communication with men, if you can. I am sorry that you are going through hell with your husband. That has to be stressful and you need to find emotional support from a better source for yourself, then strange men (who may not even be men) online. Hang in there. Stay away from online men. They aren't worth the trouble.

There is not a thread of believability in what this person (who can be a woman) was telling you. I agree with Nammu that you need to find a way to learn marketable skills and get a job.

I would also question the language used here. Why are you calling this person "my new aquaintance"?

Yeah, I made a mistake. I’m lonely & I wanted a friend who’d listen to me & support me. I’m sure it was a guy from the way they talked.

Why would a woman demand pics unkess she us a lesbian?

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I deleted my profile too btw & created a new one. I’m definitely done talking to strangers online except for the people on here. So far no creepy people have contacted me on here, thank goodness!

Maybe. He did make a few sexual jokes which was weird & inappropriate. It was like he was testing me. Ugh.

I know that. I made a mistake. He seemed genuine at first. He was a very good ********ter.

I’m going to start looking soon. I got deleted unfortunately because my husband didn’t pay the credit card on time so I can’t update my resume. It’s to much work to start from scratch. I use a resume service. I’ll do it in the next couple of weeks.

Yeah, that’s what my gut told me. He was very pushy. And he got mean when I said no. Definte red flag alert. He thought he could manipulate me. I showed him that he was dead wrong about me being submissive, lol.

I didn’t think of that. No winder he was pressuring me. I was under the impression that he was pressuring me to do it to see what I looked like & to see if I was ‘worth’ talking to or not.

His story did seem to be to outrageous to be believeable. I have a hard time that a mother would allow a child to be sexually abused & do nothing about it for years.

As for what I did, I wasn’t having an affair wuth him? gee. I was just talking to him. I thought that I could trust him as a platonic friend.

Obviously I was wrong about that.

You’re right about what you said. Why would another woman go out of their way to pretend to be a man though?

That’s bizarre. Unless they’re a lesbian or really crazy, that makes no sense to me at all.

I agree with that now. I was starting to question them too. Their stories sounded really outrageous,

How else am I supposed to describe this person btw? Internet person I met online?

You don’t need a resume service to apply to the department of vocational services to see if they can help you. If they can help then they will test you to find out what might fit.

Doesn’t need to be a woman. Could be a group of teenagers taking turns typing messages and making fun of you.

He’s not an acquitance. He or she or they could be anyone. You need to call it how it is. You talk to strangers online. That’s about it. Not someone you’ve met etc

If you think what you are doing is appropriate, does your husband know?

I gave you coordinates of vocational disability services. Call them and they’ll help you with jobs. You don’t need resume and if you do, they’ll help you

You'd be surprised by the way women act online by impersonating men. Or, it could have been a teenage guy, or a guy of some age but his actions and his intentions towards you were nefarious.

Job sites offer free resume writing services. Also, there should be free resume writing services available to you if you went to college (your alma mater may have a career center where you can meet with a career counselor there to help you rewrite your resume). Also, public libraries have free resume writing services (these are sometimes offered by outside nonprofits, or sometimes at the library by library staff).