[JohnnyB123]

I (35m) have known a girl (25f) for a few years but never pursued anything bc I was in a long term relationship until this summer.

A few weeks ago I had an extra ticket to a concert and invited her to come with me. This was the first time we’ve ever spent time together purposely (we’ve run into each other at bars and after hour events). She met me at the venue and grabbed my hand if we walked anywhere. As soon as we’d get to the bar or to a stopping spot she’d almost throw my hand. So I figured she was just holding it to not get separated/lost. After the concert she stayed out with me for a little bit but then left to meet some of her friends.

Two weeks ago I went to an emo night with a friend and text her to ask if she was going - she said she was going with a friend and asked me to stay a little long so we could see each other. She hung out w me and my friend and then left to hangout with her friends there after an hour or two. She text me the next day saying she was so mad and wished she would’ve stayed hanging with us bc one of her guy friends grabbed her butt and she had never given him any reason to think they were more than friends and that she’d never even held his hand.

Last Monday I texted her some pictures my photographer friend had taken of us the first time we went out. The pictures kept saying not delivered so I text to ask if she received them. She didn’t text back for two days and said she got them and to thank my friend for taking them. And also told me the story again about her friend grabbing her butt at the emo night the previous week which I thought was weird to mention again. Later that week we went to a concert together (we’ve had plans to go to this concert together for almost two months). She met me at my house and we ubered to the concert. On the way, she asked me to hold her hand. Then at the concert she did the same hand holding stuff while we walked anywhere. She also wrapped her arms around me at some points, rested her head on my shoulder, and put my arms around her waist. I thought we would spend more time together after the concert bc she took the next day off of work but she said she was tired and was going home.

She suggested we Uber to my house together and then she’d just add a stop to drop her off after. When we got to my house I went for the hug to say goodbye and she went for the kiss. I botched it. I told her I didn’t expect that and went in for the kiss but it was a little awkward now especially w the Uber waiting. I asked her to text me when she got home safe and she did.

The next day (Friday) she text me in the morning to ask me to send pictures of the merchandise table for a concert I was going to that evening bc she might want to get something. I said something like “of course! That will give us a reason to see each other next week” no reply. I sent pictures of the merch table when I got there but no reply. I text her during the last song of the concert to let her know it was the last song and she said “oh okay nevermind then. Thank you though!” I replied “you’re welcome. I’ll find another reason to hangout”

Sunday night I text to ask her to go to a musical on Thursday but have not heard back (almost 3 days later). This isn’t the first time she’s taken 1+ days to respond but it might be the longest time without a response. I feel like maybe I came across too desperate in my texts saying things like “gives me a reason to see you next week” bc everything felt normal until those. Could I text her again or do you think just leave it? What would I text if so?

[FoundbutLost]

Why don’t you try being honest and just tell her it’s obvious that you like her and would like to see more of her but that you are getting mixed signals. And just ask her right out if she wants to give things a shot with you.
I kinda have a feeling that she may be dating someone else, is in a relationship already, or is just really self centered and only cares about herself and what she has going on in the moment. Either way, being direct and honest will give you the answers you need. And you can either move on or keep at it.

[AceRimmer]

I think the reason the other guy grabbed her butt is that she sent the same signals to him that she has sent to you. Just ask her if she wants you to grab her butt. Or any other body part. On the other hand it is much simpler do do what I did years ago and go MGTOW. I don't worry about the head games anymore and I ended up saving a lot of money. Porn is free!

[Tart Cherry Jam]

Stop texting her, wait to see what happens, and post an update on here once you have it (once she initiates contact). Absolutely no more texts coming from you! And if she texts you, as I she very well might, do not respond instantly. Just post an update and we can discuss on here what to do next.

[Embracingtruth]

I don't think this individual knows what she wants unless she's in the moment, which is bad for people like you who are on the receiving end of these attention seekers. I agree with Acetrimmer that her earlier episode with this other fella was likely a similar scenario of wanting attention, but getting more than she wanted. If I were in your shoes, I would not invest any more energy in this person, because if she's this challenging at the easiest stage of expressing yourself, then it's only going to get worse. She clearly doesn't know what she wants, but she's well versed in playing games for the attention, where she can easily default out by saying you crossed a line. Don't waste your time. Life is complicated enough without the mind games. Move on to someone who is better deserving.