[StephenT]

They call me every 6 months or so, saying they're troubled and want my support. In good time, they try to get me to say certain bad things about people I care about. I feel compelled to play along.

I have it on good authority that they are known for this. They don't notice how much it hurts me to say these things and I haven't told them that I know what they're doing.

Meanwhile the people I don't want to hurt may have been listening to rumours for years and I've been keeping it to myself.

What could I do to put an end to this and to set everyone straight?

[Embracingtruth]

If you understand the whole matter to be a manipulation to backstab others at your expense, then quit engaging in the exercise by either removing them from your life or nip it in the bud the next time by telling this individual if he has issues with others to address those matters with them directly.

[StephenT]

Thanks.

I'm more concerned how to approach the others who are the subject of the talk.

[Tart Cherry Jam]

If there is something you feel at fault for, apologize and commit to never doing it again.

[Revenge Tour]

What could I do to put an end to this and to set everyone straight?

I'll state the obvious but don't participate. These discussions have nowhere to go but south and you will get roped into something ugly. Have the courage to call them out and keep you out of their drama.

Not long ago I had a coworker badmouth our boss because he and my boss don't get along. This coworker was trying to "recruit" me to his "side". I got a little nasty about it and told him we're not going to have this discussion. If it's something work-related, cool. If not, get stepping.

[Embracingtruth]

Originally Posted by StephenT

Thanks.

I'm more concerned how to approach the others who are the subject of the talk.

Don't say anything because first it's gossip which you're spreading for this person and second, its not anything you want to be party to because it makes you culpable. Whatever has been said, just let it go. Moving forward stop them before they start in on something else. Just remove yourself from that dynamic and separate yourself from the spotlight this person is trying to get you to share with them.

Also remember, people who are trash talking about others to you are likely trashing talking about you to them. People who instigate conflict, love to set up sides to control the narrative. The best way to avoid that is stay out of it completely.