Had The Strength to Leave My Husband Today

Hey everyone,

Just wanted everyone to know that if you're in a bad situation, you don't have to stay in it forever. I didn't think I could do it. I didn't think it was possible because I love my husband so much, but after last night's abuse and me locking myself in our bedroom, I had no choice but to have him involuntarily committed for his violence and not taking his meds.

It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make.

I am fat and ugly with very low self-esteem. I didn't think it would be possible that I would ever fall in love, because of how bad I have always felt about myself. So, I settled. I settled for a man that I didn't really have a lot in common with, but just someone who needed me so much they showed me unconditional love. That's what I needed. Just someone who would love me.

So now tonight he is going to bed in a psych ward, because I had him taken off our lease and changed our locks. Maybe it hasn't settled yet completely. The fact that I am all alone now, or that he's all alone. But I had to do this for my safety as well as my mental health. What could have I done differently is the question I keep asking myself. He kept hearing voices, the worse one was he kept hearing my voice telling him horrible things in which he would say "Lynn stop talking shyt to me or shut the F up" when I wasn't even saying anything, he was hearing it in his head. The mental and verbal abuse had me living in fear. I wish he would have taken his meds when he was supposed to, but I couldn't force him. I stopped him from doing drugs but to make him take meds too? It felt like so much on my shoulders when I suffer from my own mental health issues too.

I'm hurting tonight. I feel like I did the right thing, but I am having flashbacks of his face in my mind, and the tears are welling up in my eyes. Why does life have to be this hard?

All I know is, if I didn't spend 10 months in jail and 18 months in rehab and then another 9 months in a sober living house, would I have had the strength to leave him today. I worked so hard to gain back my independence, that I can't throw it away so easily for someone else no matter how much I love them.

I just wanted to express my gratitude for this forum always being here to get me through these times.

I'm looking to make some friends too, so please say hello in the comments below.

Thanks again.

I’ve been following your story on this forum. You are an inspiration. An example of great strength and courage. Many hugs to you on your journey. You aren’t alone. If you continue being an inspiration to those who want to make a change in their own lives, you’ll never be alone. People will hold you in their hearts because you showed them how people can change.

You have worked so hard to pull yourself together you deserve to have boundaries. He is mentally unstable and needs professional help. You did the right thing.

Divine spoke eloquently. You are an inspiration. You are not alone.

You did exactly what is needed in this situation. You are strong and beautiful. Go after the new life awaiting you.

Making the decision to stop being an enabler is a big step. This proves that you are willing to continue on your path towards taking better care of yourself.

You made a very wise choice. You have to take care of yourself first & set your boundaries to protect yourself & all you have worked so hard to achieve in your own mental health travel.

I understand how hard it is to leave. I did it after 33 years of marriage. I also know if his love was TRULY unconditional, he would not treat you this way. Lots to sort through.....STAY STRONG. You can get through this & find yourself in a much better place than ever before in your life

Hi Ladyshadow,

I'm proud to meet you. You're a very strong person, emotionally and mentally. You made an extremely hard decision to protect and benefit you and your partner. If you didn't do what you did, there may be a scary news story about you right now.

I have a lot of respect for someone who can move away from addiction and make positive changes and good choices. People like me and you often trust our emotions when it would be smarter and healthier to trust the evidence and make "brain" decisions instead of "heart" decisions.

This board has helped me so much.

Is there something you can for yourself in the coming days? Something to show yourself some self care?

Love yourself. If your friend was hurting and scared right now you'd look after them. So... What would it look like to look after you??

RDMercer

Hey Lady Shadow.

Are you around?

Are you OK?

RDM

Thanks for checking on me. I will be honest, today is Christmas Eve and I've been really struggling. I am haunted. That's the best way to describe it. My heart just hurts.

Hi

I just stopped in to check on some friends here and thought I'd check in on you too.

You're ok. You may a good decision. You're hurting, but you're ok.

There's lots of us here to talk to.

Is there something you can do for you today?

Is there a movie you want to see? Is there something delicious you want to try? Is there a religious service you want to attend? Is there a service you can watch on YT? Are there friends you can phone? Are there lights or displays you want to see?

If this holiday means something to you, do you want to talk about it on here?

What's your favorite holiday movie? Mine used to be It's a Wonderful Life, and a Christmas Story (It's a major award!), but as my kids grew up, we got into the off the wall Christmas stuff.... Like Die Hard.

RDMercer

I'm gonna keep checking in on you today and tomorrow, so you may as well talk to us



RDMercer

Just because you feel bad or hurt doesn’t mean you did something wrong. It takes time and distance to finally realize standing up for yourself is the right decision

I agree with Open Eyes. You made a good, responsible decision

RDM

Hi Lady Shadow

Just checking in.

RDMercer

Thanks for checking in on me and continuing to check in on me @RDMercer

I really appreciate it. I went to service on Christmas Eve and I bawled my eyes out. I didn't even care that people were looking at me especially since I was there on my own. My husband called a lot yesterday and left a bunch of messages, but today he left just one message and it had sounds of acceptance in it- kind of thanking me for everything and to call him some time.

I am in a weird place. I have plenty of people around me, and I am so grateful, but I go with periods of big ups and downs and I think it's my bipolar rearing its ugly head. Night time is the worst so far.

But thanks so much for checking back and looking in on me, nice to know people really care.

@Open Eyes - thanks so much for telling me that, it's something I needed to hear. I was punishing myself really bad on Christmas Eve. I know it will take time, and it's getting better as the days are moving on, but the love is still so strong, and as much as I am thinking how much I know he has to take care of himself and all he had to do is take his meds, I am having trouble letting go. But time heals.

Thank you for the update

🤗

RDMercer

Hi LadyShadow

Some of us are conditioned to feel a lot of responsibility and a lot of guilt.

You aren't responsible for your partner's mental health, and you don't have to carry that guilt.

I hope the emotion you felt at the Christmas service helped you let go of some of that.

RDMercer