wife said shes divorcing me

divine1966 asks good questions....you might want to seriously consider the answers to.

In many ways it just sounds like you do, or want to do things without thinking everything through logically & realistically.

we had a long talk tonight i took responsibility for my side of things and i didnt blame her. i let her know about my plans to go to counselling. asked her if she would go. she says there is no point because it wont change her mind and will just give me false hope and waste money. she says she never reached that point of being in love with me like i was with her and she was hoping it would get there but never did. she loves me but isnt in love with me. and nothing will change that. the cards she wrote say she is in love with me but she says she wrote that because she wanted to feel that way and she thought i wanted to hear that. she said we shouldnt have married. she said she has only had that euphoric love with one other person in her life but he ended it.

ive stated that we have to pay our cards off before getting a house but she was insistent on trying. my daughter lives with me every other weekend but wants to live with me full time. her mom is a nightmare probably a narcissist. shes very mentaly and emotionaly abusive. she has 3 kids with 3 different dads both of her other kids have left to live with thier dad. my wife wants me out by February. and i only make 60% of my salary on long term disability so its going to be difficult for me to get a place and furniture on what i make. my family i was staying with sadly passed away in 2019 it was my dad. i moved in with him after my 1 st divorce to help him.

maybe so. defiantly something to look into

It’s unfortunate situation all around. Your wife married you without real feelings. How sad. And wrong on all levels.

Again some wishful thinking and fantasy involved. Your daughter wanting to live with you doesn’t mean she will. If courts awarded you with only every other weekend (not even default 50/50?) you aren’t miraculously getting her full time. Do you have actual evidence of abuse? Do you have money to fight for full custody in court?

Your wife leaving you will not make your daughter homeless. She’ll continue living where she is living. You can still have a visitation just not over night.

Did you receive any insurance money after the fire if it was your furniture or it was dads house and dads furniture? When you are saying it burnt out after you moved with your now wife, then it was all dads stuff that burned?

Does your wife work? Can she support herself?

I am generally a big supporter of therapy but I am not sure therapy can fix this situation. Talk to a lawyer and see what your options are.

You don’t need furniture. I’d not worry about furniture. Do you live in a high cost of living area or you could manage if you rent something tiny?

Please don’t look for another woman to marry. Not any time soon

Sorry, but this woman has done you WRONG. She pretended to be in love with you since the day she married you? She hoped her feelings would catch up to her words? She lied to you! She misled you! She chose to marry you even though you were in love and she wasn't in love? WTF is that? Sorry, but I am angry on your behalf. This woman made a sham of your marriage and life. Are you not angry?

I was planning to go to court when my daughter turns 14 she is almost 11 now. Yes some evidence of abuse is documented. I did receive some insurance money from the fire but stupidly I put it into living expenses where my wife rents. She was out of work for close to a year. I also took out a loan on my 401k during that time as well. Very foolish. Yes she has a good job right now. I'm going to have to move to a lower cost area and find something tiny. My trust is shattered so I'm not looking for anything.

Yes I'm very angry. I'm more in shock and depression right now. We had plans to retire in Florida where her family lives when our kids are out of the house.

She wants me to sign the divorce papers without going to court. I'm going to talk to a lawyer because I dont trust her at this point. We started a business 2 years ago part time that a lot of our money was put into. There's about 3000 dollars in her account from sales of that business.

I am sure if she is almost 11 by the time she’s 14 you’ll have some place to sleep. It sounded very dramatic that your daughter will be homeless if you divorce. Focus on reality. After holidays go see a lawyer.

Divorce can be settled out of court between lawyers. It is much better if you can come to divorce terms out of court. In my case (living 2100 miles away after I left) it was cheaper to walk away then spend any more money on legal fees. I had spent almost 10,000 on lawyers & still came away with nothing cause I wouldn't have gotten enough to even cover those legal fees. Be wise & weigh legal cost vs what you can possibly receive splitting debt & assets. Worth it to have a discussion with a lawyer but be aware that debt & assets are usually equitably split by a judge so you may be better using a lawyer or just agreeing to the split & filing in court yourselves if you can agree.

My now ex fought a divorce when I lived there because later he said he thought it would make him look like a looser & he didn't want to give up "things"....so I left & never came back (lots more to it than just that, but the basics after 33 years in the marriage)

If you share business, you are entitled to proceeds. You don’t need to go to court but you need to see a lawyer

Definitely get a lawyer. She’s trying to take you to the cleaners. Why is all the money in her account? That should be split 50/50.

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Originally Posted by Nammu Definitely get a lawyer. She’s trying to take you to the cleaners. Why is all the money in her account? That should be split 50/50.

Probably because they are not divorced yet. Assumption that she is trying to take him to the cleaners. He had basically nothing going into the relationship & they worked together to create the debt they BOTH OWE which sounds like it may outweigh any assets they both have. Never assume a situation based off one side of the story.

Quote:

Originally Posted by aphexx13 She wants me to sign the divorce papers without going to court. I'm going to talk to a lawyer because I dont trust her at this point. We started a business 2 years ago part time that a lot of our money was put into. There's about 3000 dollars in her account from sales of that business.

You do realize that is only $1500 each. Divorce lawyers come at a minimum of $1500 & that was 5 years ago when I got my divorce in the state where I live & my now ex refused to communicate so they just gave me everything I owned in the state I moved to after leaving. Use wisdom & logic given your debt also has to be divided

She didn’t work for over a year, she’s not got much either. She married him under false pretenses. You’re basing your thoughts on your own bad experiences and coloring him as the bad guy cause of your husband. Yes lawyers cost money but she’s trying to kick him out with nothing. After not working for over a year.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu She didn’t work for over a year, she’s not got much either. She married him under false pretenses. You’re basing your thoughts on your own bad experiences and coloring him as the bad guy cause of your husband. Yes lawyers cost money but she’s trying to kick him out with nothing. After not working for over a year.

He hasn't worked the whole time either & only thing they were living on when she wasn't working was his long term disability & piling up debt instead of being responsible. Neither were wise but wanting him out while going through a divorce is normal & the lease is in her name.

You are only assuming false pretenses based on his side of the story & that has nothing to do with my experience.....it has to do with logic not emotion. He said she now has a good paying job....that goes into the division or the fact that she will be made to assume more of the debt. Judges & lawyers only care about the bottom line when it comes to dividing assets & debt

Sometimes a person will state that everything is fine when they are not ready to articulate that they are personally unhappy.

It sounds like you end up with women who lack identity and authenticity and tend to pick you because you are nonconfrentational and tend to give them control. And then they get bored because they desire more drama without having to care about you or anyone.

I’d say if she has a good job, she will have to assume responsibility of supporting a man and paying their debt. She might decide it’s too much. I mean yes you made vows but doesn’t she have children she needs to support? I look at it from parenting position. When you have children to support, how responsible is it to add dependent adults to that mix? I just wish she was honest about the whole thing.

I have a income just shy of hers from my long term disability.