wife said shes divorcing me

Sorry, but this woman has done you WRONG. She pretended to be in love with you since the day she married you? She hoped her feelings would catch up to her words? She lied to you! She misled you! She chose to marry you even though you were in love and she wasn't in love? WTF is that? Sorry, but I am angry on your behalf. This woman made a sham of your marriage and life. Are you not angry?

I was planning to go to court when my daughter turns 14 she is almost 11 now. Yes some evidence of abuse is documented. I did receive some insurance money from the fire but stupidly I put it into living expenses where my wife rents. She was out of work for close to a year. I also took out a loan on my 401k during that time as well. Very foolish. Yes she has a good job right now. I'm going to have to move to a lower cost area and find something tiny. My trust is shattered so I'm not looking for anything.

Yes I'm very angry. I'm more in shock and depression right now. We had plans to retire in Florida where her family lives when our kids are out of the house.

She wants me to sign the divorce papers without going to court. I'm going to talk to a lawyer because I dont trust her at this point. We started a business 2 years ago part time that a lot of our money was put into. There's about 3000 dollars in her account from sales of that business.

I am sure if she is almost 11 by the time she’s 14 you’ll have some place to sleep. It sounded very dramatic that your daughter will be homeless if you divorce. Focus on reality. After holidays go see a lawyer.

Divorce can be settled out of court between lawyers. It is much better if you can come to divorce terms out of court. In my case (living 2100 miles away after I left) it was cheaper to walk away then spend any more money on legal fees. I had spent almost 10,000 on lawyers & still came away with nothing cause I wouldn't have gotten enough to even cover those legal fees. Be wise & weigh legal cost vs what you can possibly receive splitting debt & assets. Worth it to have a discussion with a lawyer but be aware that debt & assets are usually equitably split by a judge so you may be better using a lawyer or just agreeing to the split & filing in court yourselves if you can agree.

My now ex fought a divorce when I lived there because later he said he thought it would make him look like a looser & he didn't want to give up "things"....so I left & never came back (lots more to it than just that, but the basics after 33 years in the marriage)

If you share business, you are entitled to proceeds. You don’t need to go to court but you need to see a lawyer

Definitely get a lawyer. She’s trying to take you to the cleaners. Why is all the money in her account? That should be split 50/50.

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Originally Posted by Nammu Definitely get a lawyer. She’s trying to take you to the cleaners. Why is all the money in her account? That should be split 50/50.

Probably because they are not divorced yet. Assumption that she is trying to take him to the cleaners. He had basically nothing going into the relationship & they worked together to create the debt they BOTH OWE which sounds like it may outweigh any assets they both have. Never assume a situation based off one side of the story.

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Originally Posted by aphexx13 She wants me to sign the divorce papers without going to court. I'm going to talk to a lawyer because I dont trust her at this point. We started a business 2 years ago part time that a lot of our money was put into. There's about 3000 dollars in her account from sales of that business.

You do realize that is only $1500 each. Divorce lawyers come at a minimum of $1500 & that was 5 years ago when I got my divorce in the state where I live & my now ex refused to communicate so they just gave me everything I owned in the state I moved to after leaving. Use wisdom & logic given your debt also has to be divided

She didn’t work for over a year, she’s not got much either. She married him under false pretenses. You’re basing your thoughts on your own bad experiences and coloring him as the bad guy cause of your husband. Yes lawyers cost money but she’s trying to kick him out with nothing. After not working for over a year.

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Originally Posted by Nammu She didn’t work for over a year, she’s not got much either. She married him under false pretenses. You’re basing your thoughts on your own bad experiences and coloring him as the bad guy cause of your husband. Yes lawyers cost money but she’s trying to kick him out with nothing. After not working for over a year.

He hasn't worked the whole time either & only thing they were living on when she wasn't working was his long term disability & piling up debt instead of being responsible. Neither were wise but wanting him out while going through a divorce is normal & the lease is in her name.

You are only assuming false pretenses based on his side of the story & that has nothing to do with my experience.....it has to do with logic not emotion. He said she now has a good paying job....that goes into the division or the fact that she will be made to assume more of the debt. Judges & lawyers only care about the bottom line when it comes to dividing assets & debt

Sometimes a person will state that everything is fine when they are not ready to articulate that they are personally unhappy.

It sounds like you end up with women who lack identity and authenticity and tend to pick you because you are nonconfrentational and tend to give them control. And then they get bored because they desire more drama without having to care about you or anyone.

I’d say if she has a good job, she will have to assume responsibility of supporting a man and paying their debt. She might decide it’s too much. I mean yes you made vows but doesn’t she have children she needs to support? I look at it from parenting position. When you have children to support, how responsible is it to add dependent adults to that mix? I just wish she was honest about the whole thing.

I have a income just shy of hers from my long term disability.

How did you two ended up maxing out credit cards then? Between two of you you should have enough credit I’d think? You’ve been together relatively short period of time so it’s unclear how you both got into a bad shape that quick

It seems that this marriage puts you both in a disastrous situation. It maybe for the best to end it. When are you planning to see a lawyer?

We put the wedding and some vacations on the cards. We weren't smart with our financial choices. She wants me to sign the papers this week. We have 3 pets together and I'm really close to one of them and shes saying shes not sure yet if shes letting me have her. The cat is very attached to me. I'm seeing a lawyer this week. Shes not being difficult. Shes says she'll give me my daughter's bed from our house and a few other things on the condition that I sign the divorce papers.

You might not think she’s being difficult but she’s being very selfish

Thing with divorce is that what you come into the marriage with is NOT considered community property, only what you have accumulated AFTER the marriage. That is how the court sees it unless there are other agrements legally made in the divorce.

So basically anything she had before the marriage is hers & same for you. Any Money if in joint account is considered joint. If business is legally in both names then assets & debt are divided just as assets & debts after the marriage are split. Just the way it legally works unless other agreements are made in the divorce. That is sometimes why lawyers are needed to negotiate

I thinks so as well. She gave me no warning and wants me to magically have a place. Her daughter and my daughter are going to be devastated. She wont even give councling a try. She said shes letting me stay at our house for January. She initially wanted me out by January 7th even though I paid January rent. Another condition she gave me for signing the divorce papers with no contentions.

The only thing we have bought together is a couch tv and laptop we also got all 3 cats together. I only want one of them. We have bought a few small items together and lots of stuff for the business.

Hope the business was legally started in both your names or something you will have to seriously discuss with a lawyer assuming that the debt isn't greater than the assets. From the sounds of what you are saying all you both will come away with in the divorce is debt

tonight has been the worst night. i only have my mom left as family and shes 88 shes been in the hospital 3 times in the last week for raspatory issues. if i lose her im totaly alone besides my 10 yr old daughter who i adore. i was freaking out so bad because i couldnt get any info from the er for hours. i made the mistake of not keeping my friendships up during my 5 yrs with my wife. i put all my time in my marriage and the kids. i felt so isolated and alone. i told my wife that i know its not her responsibility anymore to comfort me but i was crying my eyes out and so scared and alone. she told me shes in her own depressive state and needs to be alone. when she gets depressed she goes into a shell. i felt so gutted as she gave me a short hug and said i have to go upstairs and be alone to eat her pizza

i was almost suicidal the pain is so intense. the only thing that keeps me going right now is my daughter i wont abandon her. im scared for my life right now.

Hang in there. It’s tough but it might look better after you talk to a lawyer.

6 cats? Ouch

Don't sign anything until your lawyer reviews the paperwork. You need a divorce agreement to split up the belongings and business you own together. Speak with your lawyer first, and have your lawyer read over the paperwork she wants you to sign. Make sure that you have ownership of all that you own and should own within the divorce agreement. She cannot push or force you to do anything. Don't let her. You should also be taking the cat that is attached to you. It's not up to her to decide. It's up to both of you. It sounds like she is bullying you.