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Member Since Dec 2022
Location: New York State
Posts: 269
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#1
Due to being adopted, I struggle to maintain healthy relationships. Of any kind. Friendships, romantic even family.
So that being said... I had a date with a recovering (12 years sober) drug addict/alcoholic who is newly single. Four months since he and his on again off again girlfriend of 5 years split up. As I'm writing this and reading it, I see what a bad idea it is for me. Sent from my SM-A146U using Tapatalk |
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RDMercer, Rose76, TishaBuv
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
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#2
Hmm.. I would want to know why they were on an off for 5 years, but also this all says RED FLAGS. He is in recovery and JUST out of long-term relationship. I would steer clear of this man. You would have to deal with him being a recovering drug/alcohol addict and on the relationship rebound as well. Unless he has been in therapy for the last 12 years addressing his issues, and has a good handle on his health/mental health that led to addiction, this spells trouble for you. Surely, there must be other more eligible singles to date.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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DeeeSchmeee68
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Member Since Dec 2022
Location: New York State
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#3
Quote:
He said his ex liked pills. He also says he attends a meeting once in a while. Thank you for the affirmation. I appreciate an understanding biased opinion. Sent from my SM-A146U using Tapatalk |
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Have Hope
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Have Hope
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Wise Elder
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#4
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His ex liking pills tells me that this man has not recovered. He is drawn towards other addicts. Him attending a meeting once in a while is not enough. He should be attending regular meetings and should also be in therapy. I would not trust that this man is fully recovered. Recovery can be a lifelong process. Eliminate and move on.... I am in a similar boat as you since I have historically chosen unhealthy partners due to not seeing red flags or dismissing them. So the best thing you can do for yourself now, given your own history, is to pay attention to any and all red flags, look at them honestly and objectively, and then decide how to proceed, based on what you witness. Perhaps even do some reading up on red flag behaviors and healthy vs unhealthy behaviors and traits. I am doing that for myself and it's helping me immensely. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes Last edited by Have Hope; Mar 11, 2024 at 06:51 AM.. |
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DeeeSchmeee68
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2013
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#5
Do you think you 'deserve' love or a healthy relationship? Do you struggle with any self-esteem issues? You may need to work on yourself first before jumping into relationships. Otherwise, you would only be repeating the same pattern
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DeeeSchmeee68, RDMercer
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Location: New York State
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#6
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I'm "dating" to learn how to recognize healthy people. My abilities to sense or see red flags is improving. And by talking things out on places like this too. I'm not jumping into anything with anyone anytime soon. Thank you for your reply Sent from my SM-A146U using Tapatalk |
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Rive., TishaBuv
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#7
I can see that you've done some reading!
And your insights are so appreciated. I wouldn't have thought of any of that. But that's why I'm practicing meeting people and recognizing red flags. This is good. Thank you for your help Sent from my SM-A146U using Tapatalk |
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Have Hope
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Have Hope
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Wise Elder
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Location: Eastern, USA
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#8
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__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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DeeeSchmeee68
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Monster on the Hill
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#9
Idk if this’ll come up but it’s a list of green flags to look for
__________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
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DeeeSchmeee68, RDMercer, Tart Cherry Jam, unaluna
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Member
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#10
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Monster on the Hill
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#11
__________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody. |
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Member
Member Since Dec 2022
Location: New York State
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#12
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But I can Google it too! Sent from my SM-A146U using Tapatalk |
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Grand Member
Member Since May 2013
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#13
I'm just going to say, OP, that I appreciate you being vulnerable enough to put this out into the world.
Are you OK with some questions about being adopted? Like how old were you and were the adoptive parents stable? RDMercer |
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DeeeSchmeee68
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Member
Member Since Dec 2022
Location: New York State
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#14
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I was 3 months old. The people that adopted me were not good to me. Sent from my SM-A146U using Tapatalk |
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eskielover, FloatThruThis, unaluna
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#15
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__________________ Bipolar I w/psychotic features Last inpatient stay in 2018 Geodon 40 mg Seroquel 75 mg Lybalvi 5 mg as a PRN Gabapentin 1200 mg, Vitamin B-complex (against extrapyramidal side effects) Long term side effects from medications some of them discontinued: - hypothyroidism - obesity Suspected narcolepsy Treated with Ritalin 5mg |
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DeeeSchmeee68, Rose76
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Member
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#16
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Magnate
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#17
Quote:
- did you learn about his being sober for 12 years, - his going to meetings sporadically, - his being out of a 5 year on-and-off relationship with his ex gf, and - his ex gf's "love of pills" all during this old-fashioned date? __________________ Bipolar I w/psychotic features Last inpatient stay in 2018 Geodon 40 mg Seroquel 75 mg Lybalvi 5 mg as a PRN Gabapentin 1200 mg, Vitamin B-complex (against extrapyramidal side effects) Long term side effects from medications some of them discontinued: - hypothyroidism - obesity Suspected narcolepsy Treated with Ritalin 5mg |
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#18
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DeeeSchmeee68, Tart Cherry Jam
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Member
Member Since Dec 2022
Location: New York State
Posts: 269
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#19
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Does an old fashioned date mean he's a good guy and I should pursue him? He told me all those things on the date and after Sent from my SM-A146U using Tapatalk |
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#20
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Some totally horrible folks have charisma and know what the right things to say to a woman or what kind of dates women prefer. Not an indication of anything |
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DeeeSchmeee68
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