Changing my responses

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It caused me to speculate, "Is this is her way of letting me know she isn't working and no longer has health coverage for herself, or shared insurance for the kids, and she's looking for an even bigger settlement? Or is she letting me know she has a new job?" When I asked her, in reply, what this means for health insurance, she didn't reply.

It is normal to do this kind of speculation because the whole divorce has not been resolved yet & there is always doubt in our mind how the "judge" will see it. So many times they see things so different from the way we KNOW it should be resolved. Like I said previous, your lawyer has seen many cases & knows the trending outcomes based on behaviors.

She didn't reply because her text was nothing but bait & she has no real hook to snag you with....lol....just chumming the waters to see if you are still there

Just read through this thread (I am new here)… wow… some really triggering things in here for me which I didn’t expect.

Waaaaay too much to comment on but RD being triggered by your wife’s comments about visiting her work is horrible but completely normal. The worst part of being manipulated by a narcissist is how much it makes you question your reality (even when you know it’s BS) and how much it invalidates your reality and experience. You have suffered this for years, which means you have spent YEARS trying to fight to be validated… for someone to actually see and acknowledge you. It’s a horrible and lonely place to be.

But RD we see you. We see what’s going on. You are not crazy.

Last thing I would say is I strongly suspect your wife actually believes you have been going around to her old work. One of the hardest things to get your head around is that for a narcissist they aren’t fabricating things it’s actually their reality. It’s quite likely she feels insecure about leaving that job and is worried you will find something out (not that you care, but NPD hate their target having any leverage on them). So in her head she imagined you going there and talking to people. And the weird thing with NPD is that in my experience they often can’t differentiate between something they thought and something that happened. So in her reality you DID go to her old work.

Just remember the golden rule “never argue reality with a narcissist”. They are literally incapable of changing their minds even when faced with hard evidence. You can’t win and you are just opening the door for them to pivot and attack you with something else to make sure they always win. So you state the facts “I have never been to your work” and then refuse to continue to talk about it.

I feel for you RD. I really do

So…

I’m in therapy.

I tell my therapist I’m plagued by nightmares but they aren’t related to my life

She says, So what’s going on in them?

I say, I’m pursued by this vicious little monster that keeps tearing at my feet. It can’t really damage me, but it’s relentless and just keeps me running trying to get away from it

Therapist is like…. ???? Seriously??? ..,,.. You DON’T see that as being reflective of your life??

And I’m going…. Oh, ok, I see it now.

This was meant to intimidate and unsettle you. More unsettled you are, more likely you’ll agree to arrangements favorable to her to just end it

My husband’s ex did that.

She did it when they were divorcing but then she tried to do it long after divorce and when he already met me and was already married to me. She was blocked everywhere so she would contact him via third party saying that she’s alerting police because she is being stalked by him (we lived two hours away). Her evidence? She ran into my husband’s former lawyer at a shopping mall and was convinced my husband hired him to stalk her. Good times.

When they were going through divorce my husband was so unwell and so unsettled that he’d agree to give her everything so this horror would stop.

Your ex is playing nasty games

Plant your feet and kick the monster to the curb.

@RDMercer just checking in to see how you are doing.

I’m ok. I’m struggling with rumination.

Trying to be more hopeful and positive

Just trying to become a better person I guess

Ruminating tends to be part of identifying and grieving. The important thing is not to fall into the trap of self blaming and putting yourself down. Life can teach all of us some hard lessons.

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Originally Posted by RDMercer I’m ok. I’m struggling with rumination. Trying to be more hopeful and positive Just trying to become a better person I guess

I call it "sorting it all out, connecting the dots, putting all the pieces together". I also call that "the learning from experience" process so life can be better & we can be aware & act against red flags we previously ignored or logiced away.

This helps us stand strong if anyone challenges our stand because after all tge processing, we "know that we know" what we went through & how to better avoid a similar situation in the future. We know what kind of people not to even allow to enter into our life in the future.

It does get better but it takes time. I left my marriage in 2007 & I finally felt ok with the therapy & processing by 2018 but I kept seeing my T monthly till 2020 just in case something came up I needed someone who really knew me to talk through a rough spot. Been good since then even with the legal crap I am still dealing with because of him.

Don't beat yourself up over things like this. Like my T told me many times, my response is normal for what I went through & needed to process & learn from it. All part of tge journey in recovering

OMG…..

Thirteen years and you’re still dealing with his shenanigans!

And you said 2007 to 2018. Which overlaps with your Eskie…

Maybe an angel came to you when you needed it most

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Originally Posted by RDMercer OMG….. Thirteen years and you’re still dealing with his shenanigans! And you said 2007 to 2018. Which overlaps with your Eskie… Maybe an angel came to you when you needed it most

His financial shenanigans have haunted me constantly since I left. Most was done before the divorce but only found out about some after the divorce which was finalized in Aug 2018. So complicated even my RE lawyer in Calif is having a hard time resolving it.

Lol....a little 4mo kitten showed up on my farm 6 months after losing Leo. He is my angel Gabriel & has a soulmate heart just like Leo had

I woke up early this morning. It was still dark. I was amazed at how totally silent the house was.

After about 20 minutes the birds started singing and I fell back asleep

I woke up later and after 20 minutes I got a text from the neighbors asking if I wanted coffee

Me and the oldest joined them for an hour

Came home and DD was making pancakes

It’s a hard life 😊

That is what real life should be like....this is what heals