Changing my responses

Maybe you will have some mini cow milk too (lol....unless it's a mini bull)

I don’t think she’ll ever be a veterinarian

She just wants to hug cows

It’s her life dream to have a horse, a couple of cows, and bunnies

Herbivores. She’s all about the herbivores.

It sounds like you and your kids are quite close, and you enjoy them, and they like being with you. That's very important right now. Your ex-wife sounds rather unstable. Your kids need to know that you will be a stable presence in their lives. Perhaps you will date at some point. No need to rush into that. But, if and when you do, no woman you date should be looked at as having a parental role in your kids' lives. At best, such a woman could aspire to be friendly toward your kids, and that's it. Right now, it's probably good that you aren't involved with a potential partner. Your kids could use some undivided attention from you, which you are giving them.

I agree

No rush. Just enjoying this time

Oh!

Good news.

She’s learned about mini donkeys…

Minni Donkeys are cute. The Minni ponies are adorable too.

@RDMercer checking in on you to see how it’s going.

It’s going really, really well.

I’m happy most of the time. I’m really relaxed most of the time.

Work almost drove me insane until I changed my thinking.

These things are true: I have a good job with benefits and a good work/life balance, I’m respected by my peers and immediate management, but upper management screwed me over. Yup. That happens. There are bigger injustices in the world.

My dad drives me crazy with some stuff. Ok. I voiced it and I keep a boundary. I enjoy him as I can, and there is definitely good in him to enjoy.

My kids are awesome and happy and healthy. They love it at home. They have good relationships in their lives. They are making good choices and I enjoy them so much.

I’m teaching part time at a local community college and kicking butt at it. Apparently I’m extremely good at explaining, helping visualize problems, and I’ve been told “inspiring” to the students. Outside of the class I’ve also been hired to work one on one tutoring tradespeople in math, science, and document use.

DD and I went to visit my parents for the Father’s Day weekend. While away the oldest enjoyed the house with his friends and had the lawn mowed and the alternator changed on my car when we got back. He also bought his younger sibling a kayak so they could go fishing together

Money is tight but all the bills are paid. Some months we have a bit more some months we’re a bit short.

And a very attractive woman at the community college said yesterday “how about we take you to get that tattoo related to your wife lasered off. I’ll wear something sexy. We can post a bunch of before and after photos and selfies together on social media. I know your wife’s bestie. It will drive them crazy.”

It’s not in me to do that, but the offer was funny and flattering. I’ve not told anyone about it in real life

. Last week my wife blocked the mortgage renewal on the house and then withdrew almost $5000 that I’d paid down on our joint LOC. She’s trying to push my monthly payments through the roof

Brilliant plan on her part to do this a couple of months before we are in court again….

I was angry about that for two days, but then it’s like…. Ok….. This is going to blow up in her face. I just have to weather this for a couple of months.

I’m fairly confident things are crumbling for my wife. I’m not saying that maliciously. I feel empathy for her. She knows she basically stole from me. She also should know that any action on holding up the mortgage renewal will be seen as solely punitive against me and therefore the minors.

My DD went OFF last week. I asked her about connecting with her mom. She said “She can’t teach me anything. Not about school or being independent or about self discipline or about being a partner or a parent. She won’t work enough to support herself. Do you think I don’t know what that means? It means she needs a man, but she comes with so many red flags no man is staying for long. So, she takes what she can. She gets her rent, or her car fixed, and HE gets what he paid for before he moves on. That’s who my mother is now.”

That hurt incredibly to hear and to face. It hurt that our child sees that. Like, that REALLY hurt to the point that I don’t like to think about it. I loved my wife and value intimacy, But I expect it’s true.

My oldest had a big outburst last week about never being loved by his mom, and her just sucking up love and resources from the family. He’s a big powerful man and an injured little boy at the same time.

It’s hard stuff. But we’re good.

Oops!

My message came out disjointed

Typing on my phone on a tiny screen

I'm glad you have so much to feel positive about. Life is never perfect, but you seem able to manage the troubling areas. That's the best you can do.

That’s not right that she can extort money like that. You should let your lawyer know about this asap.

It’s hard on children when the parent does toxic selfish things. It’s good that your daughter feels comfortable enough to share her feelings with you. It’s best she has chosen to completely distance herself. I am sure she feels betrayed. There is such a thing as betrayal trauma.

Yes, I’ve read about betrayal trauma.

I spoke to my lawyer

She said, “That’s easily traceable. And you agreed to the new mortgage rate, signed it, then she went to the bank in person and blocked the mortgage renewal. There is no possible way her legal counsel advised her to do that. Her counsel will probably tell her to put it all back and sign the mortgage before court, which is two months away. If she’s refusing to listen to her legal counsel then we’re just dealing with chaotic behaviour and that also isn’t going to play out well for her .”

She seems to be begging for a section 8 or whatever it’s called in civilian life. My ex got ordered to a mental evaluation by our divorce judge. After that he was ordered to only see his daughter under supervision and ordered to cease all contact with me.

My lawyer already asked me about a court ordered psych evaluation. Said it’s time and we can request one.

She said a covert narcissist diagnosis would basically nullify most of her presentation of “fact”

My concern is, what if she has neuro damage from drinking? If she’s actually incapable of working due to neurological damage, then what?

My lawyer said,”I don’t know.”

In the mean time…. I’m liking life.

It was funny the same judge ordered my ex to get a job. Just because he was found mentally unstable didn’t stop him from working. The judge ordered him to work with a placement specialist and they jot him a job. If she can’t work, she can go on disability and live on that. Of course that depends on her work history, which sounds spotty. So she made her bed, she’ll have to live with it. You can’t take care of her, she’s an adult and you have kids who need you.

Nonononono Nammu

You don’t understand

I’m supposed to raise the kids AND pay our debt AND pay for college AND pay for court AND give her 50% of my after tax pay each month.

See? Simple.

She called here last week and told me about a bunch of her financial and health hardships and I just kept saying, I’d prefer not to know… I’d prefer not to know.

Then she tried to tell me about the terrible new place she’s renting and that she’d lost her job and was working someplace new. Again I said, I’d prefer not to know…. I’m not looking for you…I don’t know your car, your workplace, or your address. I’m getting off the phone now.

All those things…. Car, finances, job, apartment…. Those were my fault.

Oh, I do get it. She’s a narcissist. But you don’t have to do all that. That’s why you have a lawyer. And just in case you buy into her bs the least little bit in the back of your mind, nope, it’s not your fault. Your life with your kids and your work proves that. It’s her, not you.

You don't get disability for alcoholism (or drug addiction etc) anymore. I think you could in the 80s or 90s? But they stopped it. You are saying neuro damage, but thats like what, a traumatic brain injury? She doesnt have that! But yeah i agree she should have supervised visitation, IF the kids want it.

There’s things I’ve seen where I actually don’t know if some of this is from alcohol.

The numbers from Australia research are…. For a woman, 400ml of wine per day for 10 years is the threshold at which they see brain injury in 100% of people. Symptoms are GI issues, fatigue, disrupted sleep, anxiety, depression, personality changes, lying, memory gaps, paranoia, brain fog, blood sugar issues, inability to complete tasks, and often a targeted deep resentment against one person

Which all sounds like a personality disorder

And she was WAY past 400ml a day. 3x that most days, sometimes more.

So…. I don’t know if I should request a psych assessment. My lawyer said they are exhaustive and definitely can identify personality disorders