Dear mom

Mom,
How are you? I’m not feeling too well today. I now understand how you feel when someone hurts you and leaves you to deal with the pain alone. I trusted him ma, and I don’t think he even knows it, that I’m hurt. This much. I apologised, he apologised, but it didn’t change anything. But don’t think I’m doing nothing. I try to study. I have an internship now, so there is something to do. Even when I’m working I sometimes get filled with those heavy emotions. I pray whenever that happens. It took a lot of guts Ma, a lot of effort to get here. I still love you a lot and you know it. I know I must give him his space, as much as it hurts, I need to respect his boundaries. But what hurts is how my boundaries didn’t work out. How could this happen I wonder; I have been very careful before but here I wasn’t. My radar had stopped working after a few conversations with him. I knew long back mom… it makes me cry… I knew long back he’s not right for me… when he said his girlfriend had sex with someone. When he spoke about the first time they hugged, kissed and first time they slept together. I didn’t listen to my gut feeling to be careful. He said his girlfriend cheated on him twice and I felt he might be the same. He said his friend was the kind of person who’d try to hug you, slept around with girls and didn’t respect women, but he himself was like this, he described his own character. I know you want me to move on ma, and I will. Today I cried because I had to respect his boundaries now. While he hibernates away and doesn’t talk to anyone, and says he doesn’t have time, it hurts me Ma, it hurts a lot. I’m having to move on without closure for now. He said he’ll eventually stabilise his work and then find time to meet but my heart is too broken Ma, it is in a million pieces and it needs some sort of superglue to get better. But thank you for understanding me, I never knew you went through such tough things in the past year. I didn’t try to understand you, and I didn’t tell you anything. I really wish I had. I’ll talk to you again soon. Bye ma