[Lavendercrandberry]

It's been 3 weeks since a person that I thought really cared and loved me "ghosted" me.

It still hurts everyday...It doesn't help any that we live in close proximity to one another.

It doesn't help that unless one of us passes or moves...we'll have to see and randomly bump into one another for the remainder of our lives.

No matter how many times I try to move on and think I'm making slight progress...All the emotions and hurt come flooding back...

I can't even enjoy looking out of my window as I often did to relax...because most of the time I do, I see him either coming or going.

My anxieties flare up and I have mini panic attacks when it gets closer to the time he is due home from work.

I feel used, ugly, disgusting, and disposable. Maybe it's my fault he lied and ghosted me.

I feel like he fetishized me, and used me to experience someone from a different culture, country, and disabled..who's convient and lonely.

All the women he follows on social media (before I blocked him) are of the same culture as him, big boobs, in shape, feminine, nicely styled, head full of hair, nice clothes, nice teeth etc... poloar opposites of me.

Maybe if I looked like them, and had an actual engaging life, he wouldn't have dropped me.

It bothers me that he is unaffected. He's cheery and happy. Walks around smiling. Had a good time with friends over his place last weekend. .

It doesn't help that he leaves the window either open, or in a highly visible state, with the lights on when he's home.

I feel bamboozled. I just want a happy ending with someone who genuinely cares for me.

I had to endure a life of misery and pain, where's my happy ending to make up or convince me the suffering was worth it in the end??

Everyone that I've ever dated has done this to me. Pretended, ghosted me, some discarded me, and quickly got in relationships that lead to marriage.

I'm tired of being taken for a fool and a toy.

I guess I'm everyone's crash test dummy



I feel deep shame and embarrassment.



I love him very much and finding it very difficult to move on.

[LadyShadow]

((((((hugs))))))) @Lavendercrandberry I am so sorry you are going through this

I was in your shoes years ago, when I would basically engage with all these men online, selling myself short of the beautiful person I really am.

I think we fall into the trap of defining our self-worth on the actions of another, when in fact, they are the ones with the issue not you.

I am here to tell you all those girls on his Facebook that you think have it "all together" have their own issues and it's all for show.

After going through 15 years of basing my self-worth on men, I have come to the point in my life where I enjoy being alone, and if maybe one day I meet someone then so be it, but until then, I try to enjoy life as much as I can. I don't know your situation, but I bet you are in fact, very beautiful and kind, or he wouldn't have been attracted to you in the first place. He's the jerk for ghosting you, I hope you can see that.

I know you can get through this, message me anytime if you want to talk.

[Rive.]

Maybe it's my fault he lied and ghosted me

You can't take responsibility for somebody else's actions or behaviors. HE is choosing to behave appallingly.

I just want a happy ending with someone who genuinely cares for me

His actions reflect his true character. Better to see his true colors *now* than after years of being in a 'relationship' with him. He clearly does not care about you.



I hear the pain of being rejected but would you really want to be in a relationship with someone who shows so many red flags? And because you write that this is a long-standing pattern, it would be worth exploring your pattern(s) of attraction in relationships.

Not saying you are doing anything wrong but sometimes we are attracted to the 'wrong' people, and there are generally warning signs that we choose to ignore. Awareness of these patterns can help avoid more heartache. You do not deserve to be treated this way, by *anyone*.

[Rose76]

Your situation is very tough. Having this guy right nextdoor is making it hard to recover from being hurt. As a caregiver, you probably have limited opportunity to be out among others and meet people. I was a caregiver for a number of years. I know how much that takes over your time and energy.

Your mom is lucky to have you. Her dependency may be a bit unfair to you. Perhaps your mom may be eligible for some hours of caregiving that she might not have to pay for. It takes a lot of investigating to get answers to that. Your local Department of Aging might be able to give you 10 to 20 hours of a home attendant coming by. Medicaid also has a program, but it tends to involve going on a waiting list. If your mother has the means, you could consider hiring someone to give you a break. What you're doing is really too much for one person. You need a bit of freedom to be able to expand your social life. Caregiving does get quite lonely. But I commend you for the wonderful gift you've given your mom. I hope she knows how lucky she is.

[PhilMC]

Ghosting is for children. Probably a good thing he's gone. There's better people out there.

[Open Eyes]

Unfortunately there are people who can pretend they care but it’s just an act to get THEIR needs met. They are just users that move from one person to another.

[RDMercer]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I don’t know how someone can use another and make them feel unimportant. What you’re experiencing is wrong and hurtful.

This person is a real horse’s butt.

RDMercer

[Tart Cherry Jam]

Your story reminds me of something I read many years ago about Pablo Picasso and which I cannot confirm now. What I read was (no claim to authenticity):

With his new girlfriend, he rented an apartment right across the street from his former girlfriend and let the window open without curtains when he made love to his new girlfriend to torment his former girlfriend.