Heartbreak sucks

Still heartbroken over neighbor guy that I've previously posted about.
It's gone on two months since we've last communicated.

Today my heartbreak reached a new level when while I was waiting on my mother to return from a doctor's appointment, I saw him leave for work. Then shortly after he left, (a woman who I suspect lives with him) ...came out of the house as if to look for him...by then he wasn't in the area anymore and she went back inside..

Shortly after, he came back home ..(.perhaps he had forgotten something) and then left again.

I suspect that she had called him and told him...

At first, I was giving him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he wasn't lying about anything and really had been single...that since he shares a house with other guys ..that maybe she is one of their girlfriend's....but I have seen her in the window of his room a few times...
When he's not there, I see the light come on and off and movement in his place.

Sometimes when he returns home, I see him and her interacting..I know that it's her..she wears pink quite frequently.

I keep trying to convince myself of an alternative reality where he meant everything he said, that he's just as heartbroken as I am (he is unaffected and walks around smiling and genuinely a happy aura surrounds him) that he will change, apologize, and come back to me.

I am soo heartbroken and distraught. I thought I was slowly getting over him, but I realize that I was only fooling myself. It hurts to be treated with such disregard...and to have people pretend that they love and care for me, then to just ghost me and discard me like garbage.

I love him. I thought he loved and cared for me. I am still very confused. Was it all pretend...even though we had over 8,000 conversations and discussions about alot of things...via text..since the beginning? Up until he blocked me, whenever I called, he would always answer or get back to me when he could.
He still watches my house going to work...
Was it all for nothing??

I just don't understand.
Everyday I struggle to respect his wishes and not confront him..

It's hard to let go...especially when he lives in such close proximity.


I want to move on, but I don't know if I am capable or will ever. Maybe I'll be one of those people who never move on. Despite what many might think...there are things each one of us will never move on from.

I feel like I deserve the hurt and pain. Maybe it's my fault that I been used, and discarded like trash.. he isn't the first to do such a thing to me.

I cry.