Would you date an adult film star?

I think my partner does porn. Income?

I can't predict what I'd do for sure. However, my short answer to your question would be, "No." I can think of two reasons. For one thing, I'd be worried about fidelity. Secondly, though I don't care what other people do sexually with other consenting adults, being willing to make porn films involves an attitude toward sex that does not harmonize with my own outlook on the subject. I could easily be friends with a porn star. I don't think I would want a physically intimate relationship with someone who has such a casual attitude toward physical intimacy.

A third reason just occurred to me. Health. I'd worry about picking up some serious STD.

Yeah, in all honesty I've had an STI from shyt I did in some sort of episode, and they pretty much said "don't worry about it, I get that you have some trouble making good decisions because of your mental state." or something similar. I don't know if I'm just being paranoid, but I feel like the relationship is just screwed at this point. There was the initial idealization I do, and now since they've said they want me in their life "as long as I'll let them", I've just been distant in every way except sexually. That scared the crap out of me. I don't know if this (disorganized attachment/BPD type BS) is more at play or if thinking they're screwing other people all the time is more of it. I was at first completely infatuated with them as I do. There was a period of extreme anger, and then back to the obsession, and now there's nothing.

I don't know. Logically I don't have proof of the porn thing, but I just KNOW they're doing this.

Yeah, sure, as long as you know what you're doing, you deduce them to be honest and you're all good with each others personal lives. No problem.

No.

Well did you ask them? I don’t think it’s anything you need to prove or think about it. You just need to know. In my experience what people do for a living is one of the first discussions people have when they first meet. Did they lie about their career choice and you just finding out now?

I didn't ask them, but they say a lot of stuff like "I'm working with my business partner today," with really vague answers on what the business is and who the partner is.

I'm kind of a little jealous. Like, maybe they'd be able to handle me and my stupid hypersexuality if they weren't out screwing other people, but then again I go through phases of hating or being indifferent to them and ignore them for as long as 5 days straight so I'm not getting any (with them) a lot of the time anyway.

So you two never discussed what they do for a living? Or you did and they’ve been vague the whole time? It’s highly unusual even in the most casual situation. I don’t see the issue is as much about what they do as you not knowing what they do. I’d not be interested in such relationship. You said this person is perfect. They are shady so that doesn’t sound perfect to me.

They've been vague about the business. They've always said stuff like "I was doing door to door campaign stuff," and making money through local gigs (and I did meet them through another musician) but the campaign stuff isn't current and local gigs I think are like $50 a gig around here and it's impressive if you get even three a week. Maybe not even that. I tried doing the same thing solo so not splitting a slightly larger amount up in another city up north and got about the same for a small part on the keys down in MA so I know that's not what's paying their rent.

So, they've said "business partner" with someone I've not met after meeting many local musicians, and pay rent in not the cheapest apartment complex in the city, and, not to be tmi, but there's a lot of quality and not much quantity compared to other sexual partners I've had for a prolonged period of time, so that leads me to the "hiding doing porn" thing.

I don't even think that bothers me though. I'm in a "idgaf" state with them right now (okay, with Snuff by Slipknot on repeat), but I've seen this cycle with other partners and I've been frequently roped back in. It's not like I'm obsessing over them a lot, either in a good way or a bad way. I just feel towards them like just about everything else: numb.

You don’t know if they do porn based on what you shared. It could be anything from innocent to shady to illegal. They might be selling drugs, which is worse than what you think they do. I’d certainly ask them what they do and expect a serious response. If they continue being shady,, you have your answer.

I am not sure what you mean you feeling numb. You wouldn’t care what they do if you were numb

I'm sure introducing my porn star girlfriend to my 89-year-old VERY Catholic Mom would go over real well.

<sarcasm inserted>

why not, i would like to

That's the thing. Stopped feeling anything about them. Don't care. Definitely not a dealer though. I can pick those guys after like 10 minutes of talking to them, let alone after spending a significant amount of time where they live. Maybe they aren't specifically being paid to be videotaped having sex with others, but whatever's going on can stay what's going on with them. They've already described our relationship as "tumultuous," and I don't want to keep this push-pull thing going on forever. When we were talking on the daily, last time I split black on them I spiraled in an almost fatal way, and I'm still in that hole just from the consequences of those self-destructive actions. Relationships fking suck, and I will never get into anything romantic from here on out because the pain isn't worth the pleasure.

Ha, my dad (claimed to be Catholic despite committing just about every sin I can think of without worry, guilt, or desire to stop) would probably hate that I'm not getting paid for screwing them. My mom would probably ignore it.