They're BACK! And I am turmoiling

Partner I never officially ended it with, but haven't talked to in weeks, has reached out continuously with "I miss you." "Hope you're doing well" "Let me know when you're free to get together." "I want to help you." "I terribly want to see you." "When are you free?"

I feel really bad. I got close, I felt fearful and inadequate, and then I ran. We made plans for tomorrow I felt very much coerced into it with the constant messages of/similar to the above. From the get go, I didn't want to see them again, and I did bail on the plans, and I feel awful about it. They're pretty much demanding to reschedule and guilt tripping me (or at least it feels that way).

This morning I was obsessing about it in the shower and cried on the floor until there was no hot water, and cut for the first time in months. I know I'm pathetic. I need to be more reliable and less emotional. Maybe then I'll be able to be a person.

T says I have a lot of rewiring to do in my brain.

How bad am I for canceling?

Sorryy, but how bad are they for guilt-tripping? "I want to help you" is just about the worst thing someone can say. It shows they are blind not only to your needs, but worse, to their own. I know, because i was that person.

Same as Unaluna i feel some type of way about “ I want to help you”. What the…

I’d say if it’s causing such turmoil, it might be better to not follow up with plans. I don’t believe you owe them a date or get together. Agreeing to see someone just because they are begging isn’t a good idea imho

I think a healthy dose of communication to resolve this matter is the best course of action. Silence and separation only amplifies emotions that are already raw. Explain you want to move on and apologize for not addressing it directly sooner. Walking away is never a respectful dissolution if you had a established relationship. Once you have paid that respect forward, its up to them to accept that information and move on. But I do believe the ball is in your court to acknowledge (through words) that this bond has ended.

When I said "never officially ended it" I don't mean I just walked away. I said "I don't want to talk to you anymore," and they kept trying to get me to talk to them, and I said "leave me alone," and they did not, and then I said "get the fcck away from me and go to hell," and then we didn't talk for a bit. Then came the excessive amount of "hey, you need to come back" messages, but we make plans and become attached again and they send me a pic of one of the men they've fccked? Yeah, I know I'm awful because I didn't directly say "I do not want to be in any sort of relationship with you."

Prior to the last bout of our relationship there was a period of not talking after our first bout of the relationship (I was out of state being drugged and fccked). I told them I don't trust them and freaked out about them being in pornos. They said they see I'm unwell and will give me space. Saw each other at the library when I wasn't crying and-boom-back to talking and fccking.

What do I say, word for word, to get them off my back? How do I say it without having a meltdown? I apparently need a step by step instruction guide because every time *I* end it either we get back together or she kills herself, so...obviously I'm bad at this.

"Do not contact me again, ever."

Then block them on all forms of communication.

If they threaten suicide, inform the police. Do not talk with the person, even if they threaten suicide.

Ending a relationship doesn’t require other person’s agreement or permission. It also doesn’t require special wordings.

If they keep contacting you, block them. Suicide threats are a manipulation but if you are concerned, I agree with Bill about calling the police. After they have police at their door every time, they’ll stop talking about suicide.

We all had relationships where other person wasn’t in agreement about the end. In fact my last ex, before I’ve met my husband, invented a story about him dying from cancer in hopes I come back. Didn’t have cancer and wasn’t dying

Sorry for the confusion. They're not threatening suicide, but one time when I was incredibly blunt and maybe a bit of an a-hole breaking up with someone, she called after she left saying she had 10 bags of H and was going to shoot them all. And she did...

Anyways, we had a little chat, and I don't think they'll be talking to me at least for a bit. After I hung up the phone I cried a little (aka called my CM panicking with tears saying sui-things), and then blocked their number. Went to block them on facefcck and they had already blocked ME! Jesus Christ, man, way to kick a gal while she's down. I hate myself. Already want to reach out and apologize, but I guess I can't do that without hunting them down...mutual friend maybe?

Problem solved and shame increased.

That does place a bit more context to your situation, so it does appear the relationship was over. Perhaps they needed just to hear that spelled out, which it sounds like you just did with that call. I wish you the very best.

You need to mean what you say to them. They keep getting contradictory messages from you, hence keep coming back for more because you ultimately get back together with them.

If you say you do not want to see them anymore, then stick to that. Block them, do not respond and do not go back to talking or hooking up with them.

They keep coming back because they have learnt that you do not mean what you say.

I do mean what I say, it's just what I mean changes. I never claimed to make the healthiest of choices, and I'm trying not to get back into a position of being politely insulted and made to feel like the only thing I'm good for right now is sex, but if I just stayed with them I could be better. While also being toyed with "I could leave you," messages.

I did block them. They blocked me too. It's good right now. I'm fantasizing about a hefty alcohol/opioid combo, but it's good.