Unfortunate trend I have noticed

In the last few months, several people I haven't heard from for years have gotten in contact. They all started with asking me for something - business information for an industry I used to do research about, language classes for their daughter, helping them track down someone in my country. In all cases, they went right to what they wanted from me. Later in the message, there were questions about how I was doing, or can we get together?

I almost arranged to have lunch with one of them, but then I thought, why? He would have never contacted me if he didn't need something from me. I've been married 15 years and the last time I was him was at our wedding. I've gotten one or two LinkedIn messages from him in all those years.

It sucks to feel being used. I won't be in contact with those people again.

Has anyone else experienced this? Is this becoming more common? It feels like this to me, anyways.

Wow! How rude!

I can't believe that the guy took 15 years to want to see you.

Once, I noticed with a "friend" that things were very one-sided, so, like you, I decided to cut things off. Heard from her 2 years later when she wanted something... Um... no.

Yeah, it's completely rude. Sorry you dealt with a "friend" that just got in touch when she needed something too.

I imagine that if I had given him the business information and gone out to lunch, I wouldn't have heard from him for a long time after that lunch because he got what he wanted.

Some people have poor communication skills.

I know that with how we are all connected to our phone technology it took me a while to get used to getting a text then nothing. People used to not call during dinner or late at night. Now people just text at will. This is especially true when owing a business. Now there is no such thing as only calling or texting during 9 to 5 business hours.

We seem to live in a more on demand lifestyle and it can seem rude. It’s different now. No it’s not just you.

Some people have poor communication skills.

I know that with how we are all connected to our phone technology it took me a while to get used to getting a text then nothing. People used to not call during dinner or late at night. Now people just text at will. This is especially true when owning a business. Now there is no such thing as only calling or texting during 9 to 5 business hours.

We seem to live in a more on demand lifestyle and it can seem rude. It’s different now. No it’s not just you.

why? He would have never contacted me if he didn't need something from me.

@rechu, sorry you experienced this kind of an interaction. In many relationships (Not all and not generalizing) I‘ve encountered people where relationships are based on benefit and profit. It’s reduced to kind of like having a checklist and then ticking off boxes , as if the person has to have certain qualities, should originate from a certain class, status almost.
It’s hard for most people (Not saying I‘m free from that) To not have a biased conception of man.
Sad actually, I met two people who have done their PhD and were not quite interested to stay in touch with me because I haven’t done higher studies.

I guess what it it boils down to is what they meant to you before you were married. That phone rings both ways. So if these people were not speaking with you (nor you to them) then perhaps that moment with your marriage placed all parties on different paths in life and everyone (including you) moved on. I don't see a villain here because no one calling is pretty much a silent consensus. Life has a way of doing that without any ill will intended. But through that assessment, you do have 20/20 vision on the past now, so you can determine if those are friendships worth renewing or if it never was much of one to start. But again time on the shelf is itself just a part of life. Friendships start for a variety of reasons and come in various levels of trust or connection depending on how you met them and why. So I would measure each one according to those parameters.

I realized that the guy who wanted the business information was always kind of transactional. He'd want to get together if I could help with something. Other times, we'd discuss getting together and he never would want to finalize plans. So, I gave up trying. That's why I hadn't had contact in a while. I guess it's not surprising he only got in touch now when he needed something.


The woman who wanted the classes for her kid did the falling off the map thing once she became a mother. We were in touch sporadically, again talked about doing things, but she canceled several times due to kid-related stuff, so I accepted that seeing me wasn't a priority.

The other woman I knew from an online forum. She's friends with a family in my country. We got together several times a while back when she was visiting, and had a nice time. However, since then, she messaged me 3-4 times about this family - supposedly they weren't answering the phone or texts, and she wanted me to try calling them from here. Then, she wanted me to try and track down one of them. Exactly how she expected me to do that, I don't know. She said internet searches didn't show anything. She described the area where the woman lived, which could be any of 100 neighborhoods in a city I no longer live in. Was I supposed to go around to these neighborhoods with a picture of her to see if I see someone that looks like the picture? It was bizarre. Maybe they got sick of her too and that's why they aren't responding! She also wanted me to see if there was an obituary. Anyways, the last time she did something like that, the tone of the message was pretty aggressive, almost demanding. Then only after that did she write, "I guess I should ask how you are." I looked over the text history and I just saw it was all about what I could do for her. I told her that I thought it was rude she only gets in touch to ask me to do something. She gave the non-apology, "I'm sorry you feel that way." That was it for me.

Fortunately, I have other friends who check in to ask about me, and vice versa.

Guess I am lucky cause I moved across the country so other than chatting over messenger or FB there is nothing more to it. I have had a couple of people from my past contact me. One from HS & College. He ended up being a jerk so I had to block him. Another engineer I worked with just contacted me. He was just thinking back to people he knew & decided to see if I was still around. I do that sometimes too. It is kinda fun to reconnect with good people from my past. Other times they are best left in the past. One of the good guys from my past in college I reconnected with on here. Lol....we both recognized each other about the same time even with our annonomous names. I still keep up with him & his wife on FB. I also reconnected with another engineer I knew through him. For me the trend is mostly good except for the one guy.

Sorry to hear that. You should block all of those fake users on your phone & social media accounts.

Better yet, ask that guy why he never contacted you in 15 years & just tell gim that you don’t appreciate being used then tell him that you’ll be blocking him, lol.

People need to be called out on their bad behaviour. Unfortunately not to many people have the guts to put people in their place.

I’d definitely do that, lol. One fake friend ignored me for 10 years then she wanted to recconect with me after she broke up with her b.f. She moved back to the town I live in & she thought that I’d be glad to have her back in my life.

I finally realized that she’s a crappy friend as she’d flake on me often & talk about herself & her boyfriend & her daughter mostly. So rude & selfish of her to do.

She got mad at me when I told her how I felt & she then said, oh, conversations with you were boring since you just talked about makeup.

So did she. And that’s not all I talked about, lol. She bragged about being worth 5 million dollars too. Whatever, lol.

I've thought of telling that guy that wanted information why I was blocking him, but I'm not sure I have the energy for it. When I told that other woman I felt like she was using me, she wasn't even capable of giving a real apology.

The stupidest thing was that the information (if I had it, I didn't) would be absolutely useless. I hadn't worked for the company in over a decade. I did consumer goods market research. As you can imagine, trends change quickly, so decade-old information would only serve a purpose if someone was looking for historical data. He seemed to have a general idea that I had left the company quite a while ago. I had worked for a mutual acquaintance for a while after that, and I'm sure he got word of that.


I just had to approach a former colleague that helped me create my website about renewing the hosting and how much it costs. Even when contacting her, I took the time to ask about how she and her husband were doing first. It just seems rude to start off with, "I need this from you", and then put in a lame, "by the way, I guess I should ask how you're doing."