[lowselfesteem92]

Hi all.
Last year when my partner and I were living together, his mother came to visit.

I recall her calling him and afterwards he informed me she had come to visit. I retrieved my phone and went to Viber (my notifications had been turned off), and saw she messaged me and called me twice. By that time she had left, after supposedly trying to knock for 30 minutes. I was downstairs but at the time she knocked, I was outside hanging the clothes and did not hear her knock, otherwise I would have let her in.

She claims she walked around the house, called out, looked through the kitchen window but no one responded.

We moved on or so I thought until last week she brought it up (because of another matter). And she said she believed i did not answer and purposely ignored her.

I was trying to explain that all my phone notifications had been turned off even messages from my family as it was overwhelming. She argued that she had looked on viber and saw I was online, to insinuate that I did see her message and chose to ignore it.

I would have been online once I checked my Viber messages, but by this time she left. Before this, I didn’t have my phone on me.

She won’t accept my reasoning, And said because of the war in the 90s, she doesn’t trust people, yet she’s never had an issue with her other son’s wife. I’ve been trying really hard to get along with her, help around the house, cook etc but I was really hurt by this conversation. There’s a degree of mistrust I now have towards her and disappointment, as I would not have made the effort to build a relationship with her if I wanted to purposely ignore her.

How should I now interact with her? More guarded? How do I overcome this?

[eskielover]

I would say, just be there normally for her as yiu were doing. Trust will rebuild.

I have found with my phone also, nitifications can become annoying. I went to my phone settings & selectively only kept sound on for text messages (& for me, FB messenger cause only a few use that to contact me). Everything else I have set to silent notification or turned off completely. Might look at your phone settings for nitifications to make them better suited for your needs

[lowselfesteem92]

Thank you for your advice 🥰

[Rive.]

I would be polite whilst interacting with her but frankly I would be guarded with regards to either trusting her or confiding in her.

So, I guess I would be politely guarded.

[Discombobulated]

I don’t think you did anything wrong, if she has trust issues I’d just be aware of that but I don’t think you need to change anything. I agree with advice to keep friendly but don’t necessarily let her get too close, she may have an issue with boundaries.

[Bill3]

You didn’t do anything wrong.

You can’t overcome what someone else stubbornly insists on believing.

I’d be civil, but very guarded, with her.