[jesyka]

I have a problem with a few people in my life who usually try to avoid resolving any disagreements or issues.

My dad, my mom, my sister, my husband, & my bff as well as maybe a few other people are mostly indirect & somewhat manipulative people.

Except for my husband. He just dismisses me, ignores me, interrupts me, never listene to me & is usually acussing me of bring ‘angry’ & part of the problem.

Anyways, it’s extremely frustrating. I can’t talk to them without them getting upset at me no matter what.

None of them are able to communicate in a healthy way. They all view open communication as ‘conflict’ & ‘fighting’. They are often the angry ones when I try to communicate openly with them about any issues.

Why is that? They always blame everyone but themselves for any problems. They never ever apologize for anything either.

Everything is always someone elses fault. Or other people are mean, crazy, stupid, etc, but they’re always right & rational, good, etc…

Ugh. I have tried having discussions about how I feel & I usually get ignored or told that I am the one with the problem & that I’m trying to start a ‘fight’, ugh.

I often feel that I’m being gaslit & that they don’t care about my feelings or my needs. They usually put themselves first.

I’m expected to never get upset & always be happy & never complain about anything which is ridiculous. They can’t handle any negative emotion it seems like.

They get mad when I try to set boundaries, or my boundaries get ignored.

Example: I have told my parents numerous times to stop giving me unsolicited diet advice & to stop telling me that I’m fat.

They ignored me for years until I snapped & starting yelling at them. I then threatened to cut them out of my life if they don’t stop being disrespectful & abusive. They finally stopped then.

My bff recently got mad at me & accused me of bugging her for money & for picking a ‘fight’ with her just for politely asking for $50 from a $300 loan from a few months ago.

She hasn’t paid me back anything yet aside from $60 that I deducted from the bill. She reluctantly paid for a few things a few days ago after I ended up loosing my credit cards in an Uber.

She got irritated at me for asking for help buying a train ticket. It was less than $20 & she’s not destitute. I lost my credit cards that day in an Uber.

She seems like she has an avoidant personality disorder too as she never ever says no to any invites. Whatever she isn’t interested in, she ignores.

I rarely get a no answer from her. She’s a recovering people pleaser too, so that might have something to do with her inability to communicate with me openly. She usually uses the excuse that she’s going through a lot to avoid giving me a direct answer.

It seems like they all don’t want to communicate with me at all. It’s not me. Ex: My husband refuses to tell me anything about what he owes the IRS or anything to do with money.

He plays games with me when I ask for help with expenses. Usually when I ask him for money, he’ll make me ask for money multiple times. He’s always telling me to not spend any money. He is very cheap. I only but stuff that I need mostly.,

Then whatever amount I ask for, he gives me less than that & them waits for me to him again multiple times for the rest. He’ll sometimes lie about forgetting to bring anything home.

He’s lied to my face & said that he didn’t have time to go to the bank that day. He could go to the ATM, but obviously he doesn’t want to do that.

It’s like they can’t deal with anything that makes them feel uncomfortable, so they try to ignore things & not deal with problems or unpleasant feelings & situations.

They make excuses, procrastinate, lie, blame, guilt trip & use passive aggressive behavior & threats to get their way often.

Why are some people like that?

Is there any way that I can get any of them to communicate with me respectfully & openly or not?

It’s like I’m expected to just sit there & not say or do anything that’ll upset them. Once I say or do anything that they don’t like or agree with, then all of a sudden, they get upset with me. Ridiculous!

It’s like I can’t have any thoughts or opinions thst are different from theirs.

How can I talk to them without being accused of trying to start an argument? I try hard to be calm & rational when they get mad & insult me.

Does anyone else have this issue? If so, then how do you deal with difficult closed off people like this?

Is it even possible to communicate openly with an avoidant personality type?

[luvyrself]

I encounter this also in my own family. It's only natural for people to have their own agenda. I keep telling myself that I have to pursue my own passions and find people with whom I have common ground, similar views and interests. Breaking out of a rut is far easier said than done, yes? Hang in there!