[SurgePower]

Hello, I am 23 years old and have never had a girlfriend. I have a history of depression and anxiety issues which, I have for the most part, gotten rid of through hard work and perseverance. I have always struggled in forming relationships, but in the past few years I have really come out of my shell.

I have been on more dates in the past two years than in my whole life; only 5 but its a start. All of the dates went really well but for some reason they never work out. But what I am really frustrated about is every girl I have met and gotten to know has passed me off as secondary. Either they already have a bf or have gotten back together with their bf after going out with me. One particular example is a girl I know likes me and said she would go out with me but already has a boyfriend. She treats me like I am a bf. We have agreed to keep our distance although we are in the same program in school and see each other everyday. I am having a very hard time with this lately and feel more frustrated than ever.

People build me up so much when they are around me and then when I try to get close something gets in the way. They always seem to admire me, respect me, and even flirt with me and when I make a move they push me away. Its making me depressed and I don't want it to get in the way of my studying. I feel like I have waited for long enough and I know I deserve it more than most of the guys my age who get any girl they want. What can I do? Thanks in advance for any advice.

[IDKwhatIwant]

are you social? when you said 'you make a move and they push you away' you kind of lost me. I thought you had anxiety issues. Im social, but I have physical contact issues. It seems common for your age range to not have many or any relationships. Im 20/M with 2 relations that both failed when they got to know me. Kissing was hard enough, but without a goal of sex, the relationship fell apart due to to much space and uncomfortable moments.

I Dont Know, thats Life.
'if its easily gained, its easily lost.' (lol pointless quote)
good luck

[SurgePower]

I'm incredibly social. I used to be very anxious and quiet, but I got myself out of it since I didnt want to be that way anymore. I want people to get to know me. Once they figure out who I really am they like me even more. I don't get enough chances for that. When I have gotten those chances something else gets in the way like their previous bf's or something like that. I've also been told I'm the marrying type and girls my age arnt looking for that which I think is BS. I don't know anymore what girls are looking for. I see the guys they are with and a lot of them are complete losers. I know I wasn't put on this planet to be a loser. I've had to work through more in 23 years than most people a lot of people do in a lifetime and I deserve better than to be brushed aside as second in line. Thanks for your reply. I agree with your quote by the way.

[Gosten]

I'm self described as schizoid personality andt thus far from an expert on relationships, but maybe I can give you something from my history.

I'm a 31 year old male who's never had a relationship last more than 5 dates...roughly three weeks. I'm old enough now to realize I'll never get married and that's probably a good thing. Not to say I don't still meet girls I'd love to be with, I just don't have the ability to form close relationships.

You've dated 5 girls in 2 years at 1 date apiece, which is pretty close to what I did at your age. That's not a very active social life. You don't give any reason for this in your post, so I'll assume it's normal for you.

Regarding the girl you're crushing on, it's perfectly normal to feel that way. Her having a boyfriend dosn't mean she's married. But by agreeing to keep your distance in school means you've already conceeded defeat. Eventually the school year will end, your interaction with her will decline and you'll get on with your life. Your only chance would be to do things outside school with her, such as shopping at the mall or seeing a movie. Without that, you're just friends.

Your last paragraph is a bit confusing. Nobody 'deserves' a girlfriend no matter how admirable their personal qualities are. You have to earn that right through your interactions with her. The guys who get the girls you want still have to work at it. They may have a lot more natural talent such that it dosn't seem like they're working that hard, but nothing in this game is easy.

I'm still amazed when two people I know fall in love. I can watch the whole thing develop over weeks from the outside looking in, but it's hard to comprehend. Physical attraction is important, but I think it mostly comes down to two people being comfortable around each other, making each other laugh, and most importantly having the ability to share parts of themselves emotionally with each other. That last part is where I'll always fail, so that makes it most important to me.

I was 23 years old once, and before that I was 16. You can gain perspective with age, but you never outgrow problems such as this. Realize that every 3-6 months you'll meet another girl you have a crush on. Be prepared to make a legitimate pass at her, go on a date if you can. Don't be supprised if you fail. Endure the pain and loss. Then try again with the next girl who catches your eye.

I consider that my failure. That I was never willing to accept the pain of failure in exchange for a chance at a relationship. I've been told it gets easier with practice, but you'll have to find out for yourself since I'm not going to.

[muscles]

kravman ull be ok just be confident in urself no matter what, that changes everything