[benramadan]

Hi. I have a bit of a weird "issue", I wonder if anyone can shed any light on it. I broke up with my long term girlfriend a little over two months ago (all her decision, she couldn't cope with the long distance any more). I'm having enormous difficulty getting over it, because the break up was entirely out of the blue, and I was completely in love with her, I'd taken it as read that we'd be together for ever, etc, etc. It was a real blow to me, to my self esteem, and generally messed me up for a while. She was my first serious girlfriend, so I've never had to cope with break-up before. That's not the whole issue though. She was Chinese, and I'd never really found oriental women particularly attractive before, I suppose she was just a one off. But since the break up, I've become obsessed with oriental women, it's annoying me beyond belief. I'm sure it's totally psychological, something to do with trying to replace my ex with a replica, but it's becoming a real problem. Every Chinese/Japanese girl I see I'm instantly attracted to, regardless of how good looking they actually are. It distracts me from concentrating in lectures, and I've even avoided seeing films with oriental actresses or going places I know I'll see them, just because I know it will affect me. I've tried discussing it with friends but they all think I'm just weird. Sometimes just walking past a Chinese girl in the street can depress me and make me feel terrible for the rest of the day. I'm sure it's because I'm still not over my ex-girlfriend, but I was wondering if this was a common reaction and whether anyone has any advice about how to straighten my head and get rid of this bizarre obsession.

Thanks
Ben

[nowheretorun]

Hi ben,
I guess I'm wierd too. I normally prefer brunettes, but I dated a blonde a fe years ago. Too make a long story short, we broke up after a year. For a bout a year after that, I was attracted to blondes more than brunettes. I thought it strange too, but I think it is the "substition" hangover you mentioned. Maybe we're both normal and everyone else is a freak (haha). BTW, I once heard that it takes 1/2 the time you dated to recover from a relationship. Not true in all cases, but, maybe on average.

"This too shall pass...."