How to express feelings so he doesn't lose faith?

How do you communicate your feelings effectively to a pessimist? I'm bipolar II and am forever and always swinging between different energy levels and moods. The medication I'm on makes it easier to deal with, but it's still there. When I'm feeling well, my significant other feels great too and can see how much I've improved, is proud of me, is happy with me, etc. But when I'm in a low phase of my cycling, he becomes so pessimistic.

If I even mention that I'm feeling a little stressed or that I'm a little upset, I feel like he completely overreacts. Rather than being supportive, he hangs his head and turns away. I ask what wrong and he says he's worried. I'll say that I'm still feeling so much better, just a little stressed, and that I just need someone to turn to who I feel comfortable with. He always asks me to tell him how I'm feeling and I know communicating my feelings is the best way, so does he, so I'll let him know why I'm not being quite myself when I'm down. But then he gets so down, saying that I'm "always stressed", and rather than looking on the bright side and seeing how much I've improved, he sees that I still get stressed out and upset, and feels bad. That's a part of me, something he'll need to accept eventually if things are going to work out, because I'm an emotionally sensitive person.

I feel like he doesn't have faith in me and doesn't want to be with me. What makes it worse is that he says he doesn't know if he has faith, and that he doesn't know if he wants to be with me. Its confusing, because its only during the moment that I'm breaking down emotionally that he says that - any other time, its all positive.

Its extremely difficult when during the times that I need his support the most, he withdraws it.

What happens is I'll begin a little bit stressed out, he reacts like I explained, and all the sudden I'm in a panic that I'm going to lose him and I feel hurt that he doesn't have faith that I can make it through. I know it's not my fault that I am how I am, and I know he's wrong... I know I can make it through. But he only sees that when I'm okay.

It just seems like the person I'm closest to should be the one who supports me and believes in my strength when I'm breaking down.

Whenever he does act more supportively and when he does have faith, I tell him after how incredible much it helps me. I'm grateful. But I would never mention when he's feeling pessimistic about our relationship and saying so, because he would just say I'm not being empathetic towards his feelings. Understandable.

What can I do?

Hey jammin.....it sounds like he really feeds off your emotions.

I have a very good friend and children who are bipolar and I know from experience how easy it is to get caught up in the roller coaster ride that the individual is on. It's very hard for us to not ride that roller coaster with our loved ones, but it is also not healthy for us to ride it.

It's very possible that he's at a point where he doesn't know how to handle your lows anymore, or even that he's feeling some depression as well and not feeling in control of his world. It's really hard to see those we love and care about going up and down and all around and it can be tiring and stressful as well.

Maybe finding some books for you both to read on the ups and downs of Bipolar will help you and him to understand what happens and why and how to deal with those things most effectively. Searching Amazon.com will bring up a number of different books on the subject.

I don't know that your boyfriend is wrong...I think he is totally caught up in your swings and is feeling powerless to help you. That can make one feel very low when we know we can't help those we love.

I wish you both well and hope you can find some middle ground and some help in dealing with this issue.


sabby