What do I say?

<font color="#880000"> Okay, I've been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now, and I've noticed that she's been putting on a little weight. Don't get me wrong, I like bigger girls. (( Skinny girls are for wimps lol )) But I'm starting to get a little worried.
Her mother is at least 300 lbs, and her family does not eat healthy at all. For quite a few months, my girlfriend was full out vegitarian, but has since gone back to a "regular" diet of greasy junkfood her family lives on.
She already had self confidence issues, and now she tells me about how she's embarrassed because she's going into plus sizes and how she's bound to end up like her mother.
I'm concerned about her health, and I want to tell her I'm worried and that I think she/we should exercise more, but how do you tell a girl that you think she's gaining too much weight?
And what scares me even more about this is that she used to be S I. I also found out that when she was skinnier, it was because she had basically stopped eating. I don't want to push her back to those either.
I really am not sure how to approach this.... </font>

Just how big is she?

Is it a problem to you? If so you need to let her go now rather than later.

I know guys are attracted by what they see so this could be a problem for you in the future. Is she cute? Lots of guys like big girls.
Can you see past the weight? Apparently not, so you better get it over with sooner rather than later.

Well, I'm 5' 11" and 205 lbs, and she's a bit shorter but probably weighs somewhere close to 200.
And no, it's not really a problem to me.
I would never let her go just because of something like this, I'm not the typical 16 year old guy that thinks with his ****.
She's beautiful, and this is love not lust.
If I couldn't see past the weight then why would I even be on here talking about how worried I am about her HEALTH ?
I don't want to see her give up and just let her self go, not because it will change how she'll look to me but how she'll see herself.
And I don't want to loose her. I can't loose her. After what we've been through, what she's put up with, I won't give up on her.

Maybe the best way to go about this is to sit down with her and make it a combined effort to eat more healthy and start exercising TOGETHER! That's the key word....TOGETHER. Making a habit of going for walks together every day...sharing in the shopping and preparing of the healthy meals TOGETHER can make all the difference in the world no?

Doing the things together that will help make you both healthier is a great way to stay on track and to feel connected!

Wishing you both well!


sabby

Well, ok then. I'm glad that is out of the way. You love her.
Listen, I got married when I was 16 so, I know where you are coming from. I've been married more than 35 years.

The first thing I recommend is that you both cut out trans fats fron your diets. No more fast food, no soda with high fructose corn syrup
and cut the mono sodium glutamate. There is a lot of food other than that crap. Go to a health food store in your area or eat locally raised food products. D you have a Trader Joe's store in the area?
Eat organic raised foods and make sure you remember this....
For breakfast, eat like a KING, for lunch eat like a QUEEN and for dinner, eat like a peasant.

Exercise, like Sabby said is a big factor in dieting. Do you like hiking, biking, swimming or any physical activity (outside of sex)
that you can do together? If so, get to doing it and have fun.

Good luck to you both.

I agree. Come up with some fun ways to get some exercise together.

From a girl's standpoint (a 30 something girl that is!) you do have a difficult subject ahead of you.
How about encouraging her to talk about her feelings about her family and their weight issues? How weight has affected them and everyone around them and specifically their outlook on life, etc.? Allow her to vent about that and then slowly try to work towards how she is feeling now without exactly saying - hey, your gaining some weight and it is scaring me.
I suppose telling her over and again that you love her for her and not anything else would really help. Maybe if you can help her to connect to why she is eating more, ask her why she gave up the vegan, how she feels about eating disorders, etc. My suspicion is that there is so much more going on. If she can make the emotional connection to why she is gaining weight then maybe she will get back to a healthier lifestyle again without you ever having to say the words, hey your gaining some weight...hope this helps some...

This is such a touchy subject, I don’t envy you. I would tread very carefully here, especially if she has issues with food and body image already. I agree with everyone that suggested that you and she find fun activities to do. Racquetball, Tennis, swimming, hiking, etc. I understand that you’re concerned for her health, but I really can’t see a way that you can approach her on the subject of what she eats without making her feel bad. Maybe when you’re out hiking or swimming you can pack a picnic lunch with things she likes that are healthy so that the option for fast food is not there.

Why don't you take up swimming, biking, walking along the beach, hiking, wind surfing, rollerskating...anything you can enjoy together. You don't really need to say anything, just find ways to be more active together.

((((((((((((((phantasmagoric)))))))))))))))
It's a hard situation, I'm sure, but it sounds like you are wanting to handle it in a wonderful way. Definitely don't want to trigger eating disorders and/or more SI behaviors. I think what everyone said about together is a really good way.

I would imagine that she might already be concerned that you might find her less attractive due to her weight gain. Perhaps you can express to her that you do find her attractive as is (I have a feeling that you are already doing that) .

Also, it doesn't have to be all about diet and exercise. It can be learning how to cook this dish and that dish, learning how to cook healthy and wanting to get out and enjoy the fresh air more. Take time to enjoy things together. Keep us posted.