[seeker1950]

No, not on a singles' site. I had posted my profile on an Alaska website, asking for people there to write to me and tell me about the culture, employment, economy, etc. This fella saw my profile, and he lives in Texas! Writes to me, seems nice, but from the get-go, is asking me to come to Texas to meet him! This is the LOL, folks. OH, and not offering to pay for the trip, of course. Yeah, I guess there are enough gullible women out there who would do such a thing, but I'm far too cautious for such a thing. Also, I just wanted to correspond. Are these men in a hurry, or what!?
Patty

[kim_johnson]

Hey,

You never know... I know a few people who have ended up getting married to someone they initially met off the internet :-) That being said, there are a few important things to do with respect to safety - meeting them in a public place, ensuring you have your own transport etc etc etc. Would you have gone if he had have offered to pay for your trip? I'd worry about that a whole heap more than my planning a trip myself (with no strings) and seeing how things worked out... Don't know where you live, but if it is a fair hike away and you don't want to go there for any other reason then it probably isn't worth it at this stage at any rate. You going to keep chatting to him over the net?

[elizabeth101]

I'd be very careful! You honestly have no idea who is on the other side of a computer! There's been a many of women disappear like that! Serial killers thrive online. I know you don't seem to be falling for the notion of going to Texas-which I believe is a wise choice!

Besides if a man seriously wanted to have a real relationship I would think he'd want to talk for a while first via phone etc... Plus what sort of man doesn't offer to pay if he's asking you to come to Texas? Sounds like an unemployed dead beat looking for something he can't afford!

Believe it or not a lot of women fall for that crap! I think its like playing russion roullette-could be dangerous.

Be careful who you talk to! Some of these predators online can track you down by your ISP address.

[Clandestine]

Just be careful. I seldom trust people easily....
By the way, I met my recent exboyfriend online lol. xD He's the best boyfriend I had ever.. so who knows right? But yeah, you need to be really safe. How about, have him call you first? And why don't he just come to where you are if he really likes you ;]

If he's offering to pay for your trip to Texas, then it's the same thing as him coming to where you live. So just tell him to come over! Lol.

<font color="purple">Clandestine</font>

[sabby]

(((((((((((((((( patty ))))))))))))))))))))))

It's absolutely comical what some people do online to meet others. God only knows what they are thinking or what they are looking for. It is unfortunate that some people are very naive about it all, but for those who have a clue....it is just downright funny as all get out. The things they write, things they say....good grief....definitely sets off a huge red flag.


sabby

[kim_johnson]

What the hell?????

I met my boyfriend and we were together for a month... Then we had a long distance relationship for 6 months... Then he said he wanted me to come and visit him. I said I couldn't - couldn't afford it (and I literally can't). He offered to pay and I was like NO WAY!! How come? Because if I let him pay then I would feel like he had a claim on me. Would be much harder to say 'actually just friends thanks' if they pay for you. I mean... If you offer to pay for a trip for someone then there are clear expectations that something is gonna happen - right?

In the end... I allowed him to put the trip on his flybys. How come? He made it clear that we could 'see what happens' and I came to appreciate that he was a nice enough guy for me to know that I could say 'actually just friends' and he wouldn't pressure me or anything. He also said that... In order for there to be a chance for us... We needed to see each other. That he couldn't go on without seeing me if we were trying to make things work. So... I accepted. But... I didn't feel 100% okay about it...

This might be a generational thing. If I go out on dates I pay my way. That way I don't feel like I owe the guy anything. I might pay sometimes... He might pay sometimes... I figured a system with my ex where I payed for about one third - since I earn about one third of what he earns lol. But to my mind... Safety first.

I don't think it is desperate to meet people off the internet. I've met two people off the internet. One of them flew out from another country to see me. He wanted to visit where I was anyway (the country at least) but, yeah, he was mostly coming to see me. I took my biggest male friend along to his hotel room for a surprise visit the evening he flew in so we got the chance to suss him out.. The thought was that if either of us didn't feel 100% okay about things then my male friend would hang out with us the whole time. As things turned out... I'm still really great friends with this guy who I met off the internet. I've since gone on holiday with him for long weekends etc. We will stay in a cottage together and I feel 100% safe in his company. I'll visit his city for a time etc etc etc. He has become one of my best and most cherished friends in this world. And he is just as socially anxious / awkward as I am lol.

One does have to be a bit careful... But there are things you can do to protect yourself. Don't give him money. Don't take money from him. Don't accept expensive gifts. Don't give expensive gifts to him. Meet him somewhere public - so other people will notice and intervene if things are problematic. Have your own ride in to see him and out from seeing him organized so that you can leave when you want to and go stay someplace you know you will be safe. If you want to go do something with him take a cab or public transport - so there is other people around. You should get to suss things out and see how comfortable you feel... But really... Same caveats apply to blind dates and the like - don't they?

A trip to Texas... Would that be fun for you such that if you met him for lunch or something and found that you really didn't want to be friends with him at all then you could part ways and still have a good time? If so... Then go for it!!! If not... Then nah... Maybe take some time and continue online / phone conversation with him... Hard to know if he is being 'pushy' or if he is just being friendly in a nice guy way...

[seeker1950]

Thanks, y'all, for all the repllies! All good ones too!
All I was looking for was someone to correspond with about Alaska, since I've been offered a couple of jobs teaching there. Not looking for romance in my posting or profile. Then this guy from TX is asking me to fly down there from the beginning. I agree that if he had offered to pay for the trip, it would have also suggested strings attached. Whether I could afford to do such a thing, but the ticket and accommodations (which I can't), I think it was inappropriate so early in the correspondence. Why not just correspond? That was all I was interested in. Men I"ve met on the Internet want to get right to it! What ever happened to getting to know someone? And, there was no mention of phone calls, which I didn't want anyway.
He says he's writing his memoirs of his exp as a military consultant in Afghanistan and Iraq, so I offered to read some of them...Nada..he hasn't put them to paper yet.
Patty

[bebop]

you are a smart lady! this lady I know on another site was suppose to meet this man a town away from her. he was traveling there and had to go right thru her town. he said he was a dr. she googled him and guess what? she couldn't find him. not a dr you think? times say we have to be very careful these days.