[Rose3]

With some people, conversation flows comfortably and respectfully.
Yet with some who I know, getting together is unpleasant - because the other person tries to control the entire conversation by asking intrusive personal questions, that are of topics that I simply do not wish to discuss.
That is not a conversation.
And if I don't respond to suit the person - then I get criticism or snappish nastiness, etc.
I am dreading getting together.
I see the person in both postive and negative ways (so the person is not all negative).
So what can I say or do in order to bring about more friendly interactions (instead of controlling). I don't believe that it is my responsibility to "entertain" this (these) other person (people) with my personal life, etc. How do stop the "Gestapo" questions - one after another, non-stop questions?

[sabby]

I think my reaction to their inquisitions would be -

"And you need to know this informatin because????"

If you are uncomfortable with that...then looking at the next person and discussing something totally different may put that individual off. If not, staring at them with a smile and not saying a word could make them feel pretty uncomfy to the point they get the hint


sabby

[Rose3]

thank you
I need as many ideas as possible - to be prepared.
What other topics could I introduce to stop this person
from targetting me?
I just don't like being forced into a series of "answers" -
it seems like maybe this is one of those people who can't
tolerate silence (so tries to make me do all the talking - which is
also out of character for me).
Any more ideas about what to say to this person?

[50guy]

Hi Rose3,

You could just say, "I'd rather not tell you that," or "I'm not comfortable answering those kinds of questions."

If ya really get courageous you can say "I think that is none of your business." Also, "I can't believe you would ask that", works real well too

Good luck to you.

[Doh2007]

Redirection works best for me. In other words, change the subject. Surprisingly, this works amazingly well.

Someone once suggested this: I will forgive you for being intrusive if you will forgive me for not answering.

[Behindthemoon]

i might say : Hehe, it seems you are making a questionary or so?
At the same time , give him a big yet weird smile.

[Fuzzybear]

[sabby]

The information you are requiring from me is on a "need to know basis only" and the way I see it, you don't need to know

[AAAAA]

I agree with 50guy [shock], simply tell the person involved "I'm sorry I just don't feel comfortable discussing that part of my life."

[Rose3]

these are all really great answers,
thanks everybody

And I also just thought of a response - I could sit there with my friend and just start laughing. That'll really be strange - she might snap at me.

(what can I redirect the topic onto? - work, computers, - maybe me and my friend have only a few common "interests" - - and generally good will)

[Doh2007]

I can usually find something going on around us. I might say, "Look at that lady. Cute hair."

[sabby]

Ok, then....you can always say

"How bout them Celtics??"

or

"How bout this crazy weather we're having??"

or

"Hey, I gotta say that your new hairstyle really doesn't fit your face...."

[Rose3]

what are Celtics?

thanks again for the good ideas.

[psych16m]

i agree with everyone here, but i'm not a really talkive person in real life. i usually listen in. you should tell ur friend that u rather not answer "those" kind of questions but other questions would be acceptable.
see if she will be open to asking more general questions rather then personal questions.
also, when someone asks me a question like that i usually change the subject and if they asks me why i changed the subject i usually tell them that id rather not answer that. it may make her mad but she should have some respect for u and ur personal space.
hope this helps and best of luck.

[concerned4stepkids]

I have a friend the same way. The friendship is going on about 5 years now. I have accepted she's a bit pushy for details, so immediately before she can ask anything, I volunteer some information I feel free to give then redirect conversation on her by asking about something in her life.

What I have funny about that, is that she is really wanting to talk about her life. I guess all this time she was drilling me for info on my life, she really wanted to talk about hers.

It seemed to help me with this approach. Now, I enjoy talking to her.

[Rose3]

Thanks again

It's like - why do I have to keep answering questions?
I don't like that. Maybe she's asking the wrong kinds of questions (because we don't share enough mutual interests).
Why doesn't she introduce "topics that are of interest", instead of drilling me for personal information?
Anyway, the result has been - that I don't want to go out with her.
It is almost too much of a drain on me to be with her.

And when something of importance had happened in my life - she wasn't interested.
Anyway - oh this is so pathetic, and in no way links with the background of our acquaintance and past history when we had spent some valuable experiences together.
I feel like I'm being treated like a 6-year old (we've been acquainted for over 30 years).

[sabby]

Woops... the Celtics are a basketball team from Boston...so you can insert any sport's team that would work for you