Feeling guilty

Ok where do i start? I really need to get this off my chest, so i apologize for the lengthy post.

Well i've been in a relationship for 3 yrs. Problem is here, I have an online friend, and we have been talking regularly for the past month although i knew him for sometime. This guy is my 'dream guy', i like him physically, and mentally i guess, and in my mind i see him as a forbidden dream, i live in Europe and he lives in the U.S , so theres no chance for me meeting him, thanks god or that would make things much worse. Well i like him, he likes me back and he flirts alot with me, i like the attention and i do flirt back although i do try to keep myself from doing it, and so i keep the flirting limited from my side, or at least less blunt than his. Many times i find myself fantasizing about going to the U.S and meeting him and that really excites me. I mean all the trip thing and meeting him, he's also a couple of yrs younger than me, and he is quite independent and different from the guys i encountered i guess because he's a foreigner, and all that fascinates me.

Im quite bored in my relationship, although i feel i love my bf and i feel safe with him, still this other guy makes me wondering whenever i talk to him. And yes i feel guilty for this, see, i kind of go alot by morals, and i know me fantasizing and lusting over this guy is not right, but i cant help myself. im so confused. I was thinking of stopping talking to this guy, at least not regularly but he's kind of a good friend so i feel bad not talking to him, and i do enjoy speaking with him,regardless of the flirting. The major problem is that im kind of sensitive to this things i almost begin to obsess about him sometimes. And when im with my bf sometimes i think of this other guy and i feel so guilty i began to ignore my bf because i feel ashamed. Still if i was single i would think of traveling all the way to the U.S to meet him, and sometimes he does mention alot of what if's, and jokingly he implied quite a few times that someday we will meet. That makes me even more guilty, the fact that i fantasize about it too.

So yeah i guess the question is what is this? is it me falling for this guy? for now im sure its just infatuation, but why? why cant i feel the same excitement for my bf? why i feel so drawn to this other guy? *sighs* Am i cheating?

thanks for reading this all through, any opinions, suggestions or advices are appreciated.

I imagine that this is very hard for you. You have your dream guy, but you've not seen any of his faults. It's really hard for someone in real life to compete with the fantasy that the two of you have created. It sounds like you're trying to escape the same ole by chatting with Mr. Wonderful.

I think what you have to do is realize that although this guy that you're chatting with online has some wonderful qualities, he also has a list of flaws that you're unfamiliar with.

Three years is a relatively long time in a relationship, you know each other well and there are no surprises. Personally I'd quit talking to the guy you know you'll never have a relationship and take a good hard look at the one you're in. Talk to bf about the things that you dislike in the relationship, ask his opinions on what he'd like to see changed. See if the two of you can't make your relationship better. Good luck!

It's easy to present oneself as perfect online. No bad breath. No love handles. Etc.

If you want to be with your bf, I think you should cut it off with the online friend and do everything you can to make the relationship work.

If you do not want to stay in the relationship, it may be time to work on what you need to do to say good-bye.

But I wouldn't take what I say too seriously if I were you -- I do not have relationships, so what would I know?

Thanks both of you for taking time in replying this.

Yes i was thinking of stopping talking to this guy, at least not regularly, so im blocking him on chat. Yes i believe you are very right in saying that online a person cant shows its flaws... i thought about that too. I talked to him about this actually, indirectly i made it quite clear that there's no chance of anything more than friendship since im already with someone anyway, and he agreed with me. Still he keeps on flirting with me and he puts me in an uncomfortable position, i dont like to put people down by nature, so i kind of hesitate telling him to stop, and not to be a hypocrite, i think i do enjoy the attention sometimes :/

I think im drawn to him just because i can see in him things my bf lacks, but i do realize that i dont know him that well, so most probably he lacks things my bf has. I think i just find this guy as a way to escape reality and make my day more interesting, since in my mind he equals adventure and new experiences.

Mah, thing is im feeling guilty, do you guys consider all this cheating?

I'm not really familiar with the cyber sex thing. I guess to answer the question if it's cheating you must determine if you view this online relationship a romance? Have you avoided spending time with your bf to chat with the online guy? Do you feel the need to hide the nature of your relationship with the online guy from your boyfriend? Would you think your bf was cheating if he had a similiar relationship online or in person with another woman? If you answered yes to most or all of those questions then it would be a form of cheating. The same as going out and having sex with someone, probably not, but I'm sure that your boyfriend finding out about this online thing would be very hurtful to him.

The fact that the online guy makes you uncomfortable with his flirting after you've already made it clear that you're not open to that type of relationship speaks to the man's character, and not in a good way.

Like I said, find ways of spicing up your real life so that you're not lost in the fantasy of online. Cheating is very rarely just about sex, there is something lacking in your real relationship, try to figure out what it is and fix it. You'll be much happier in the end.

Oh no no, we never had cyber sex. Maybe i wasn't clear sorry.
Its just flirting like kisses and hugs and stuff like that. Yea i figured out i need to step back and stop chatting to him for the moment, at least till i clear my mind. I dont wish to cut all contact because he's still a good friend, and it would be disrespectful from my part to just stop talking to him like that.
I get easily infatuated and attached to people and that was always a problem of mine. That's why when this happens i need to step back.

I dont see it as a romance, but more of a infatuation and a 'fantasy'. I would only consider him more than a friend if i ever will be single again, and if the circumstances are appropriate, he knows this, and i think he understood it, he just likes to make people feel good i think thats why he keeps on flirting, im not sure.

As for my bf, i realize that this would hurt him, it would hurt me too if it was me instead, thats why im feeling guilty I would NEVER cheat on my bf in real life, im pretty sure of that, i had quite a few opportunities if i wanted to, but i never acted on them because i love my bf although things aren't perfect. So yes i guess the fact that this guy lives so far away kind of reassured me that nothing could happen even if i was tempted, i think that's why i let myself go along.

The thing that bugs me is why i see other man attractive (this guy in this case) and i infatuate myself so easily when i shouldn't. Maybe a part of me wants to be free and experience new things, i was pretty young when i hooked up with my bf and i guess im feeling the consequences now, but i dont want to loose him on the other hand because i can see a future with him.