What are you willing to overlook in the name of friendship?

I nannied some kids who were verbally abused, they began to refer to me as their mommy, instead of their biological mother...I spoke up about how they were being treated, and they asked me to leave

AAAAA,

Our families have the greatest power for good or bad of anybody on Earth. I have spent my adult life trying to recover from my childhood where abuse was the largest part of my experience.

Because of that I don't feel I have anything helpful to add to this thread, but I do want to express my sympathy in this difficult situation. It's obvious there are no "easy answers". I believe you will find a way to come to grips with this and work it out.

Like you, I deplore the mistreatment of children and anyone who is weak and defenseless.

Leslie

This crosses the boundary for me. That innocent child didn't deserve the father to abandon that person. If this man is willing to do that to his own flesh and blood, what's he willing to do to his friends.

I say there are so many lonely people out there in the world that are just waiting for a new friend who would appreciate you as well as others in the world. Why waste your caring energy on someone who is doing something pretty horrific.

Not to judge the guy, but I think you can accept him for who he is and realize that you had nothing to do with creating this character defect in him. Just let him be him but in doing so, let you be you.

Friendships are not marriage contracts...fly, be free!

P.S. I know you may feel sad if you decide not to be friends with him anymore. We will be here for you then as well.

[QUOTE=NuckingFutz;814100]This crosses the boundary for me. That innocent child didn't deserve the father to abandon that person. If this man is willing to do that to his own flesh and blood, what's he willing to do to his friends.

I say there are so many lonely people out there in the world that are just waiting for a new friend who would appreciate you as well as others in the world. Why waste your caring energy on someone who is doing something pretty horrific.
I agree, and yet I still agree with Spotted Owl. How do I resolve the two? I wish I could just put this question to rest in my mind with a satisfactory answer. After you work out the triggers, do you still stick around for the fallout of this man's behavior? If I cut everyone out who has relationship issues in this world, I might end up a shorting myself in life.

This topic is really difficult, as I said, I don’t want to be judgmental. I agree with you NuckingFutz entirely. How can you expect someone to treat you better than they treat their own flesh and blood (advice I give my children, nieces and nephews).

This business is a mainly male dominated. When the guys were in the lunch room complaining about the b that is the mother of their kids I said “don’t complain to me, you picked her to have your kids, you’re old enough to know what causes that. If you lay with dogs you get fleas.” One co-worker that I disliked immediately actually complained about having to pay extra for daycare for his daughter with Downs!

I thought that Fred was different than these Neanderthals. I really would like to find out just what would make (my opinion) a well educated, intelligent, well mannered, witty person just abandon a child entirely. Is it really my place to ask? I would have 5 years ago, I would have jumped on it immediately, I would have asked what the hell was going on in his head.

Something changed in me when my dad died. I look at things differently, life is short you never know what’s going to happen. So I’ve spend the last several years surrounding myself with people that don’t create drama and have the similar values. People that understand that our kids come first.

I really would like to find out just what would make (my opinion) a well educated, intelligent, well mannered, witty person just abandon a child entirely.
I am just sitting here shaking my head, people never cease to amaze me. I can't believe I'm almost crying right now. You touched on something that is deep wound in our society. I adopted, I'm everybodies ma'. I've talked to the parents extensively, who have abandoned my kids and they are either procrastinating, really angry and sometimes just plain don't see kids the way we do.

Something changed in me when my dad died. I look at things differently, life is short you never know what’s going to happen. ME TOO I cherish my connections much, much more, good and bad. I've learned to let go a lot too, but I live life to the fullest now.

Sometimes things like your situation don't bother me at all, but once in awhile it catches me off guard, and I really get taken for a fall.

I just pick back up and add it to my list of people not to get close to... and find myself someone who I admire and remind myself to appreciate those people a bit more next time I see them. I hope you find a solution to this. I am scared in a way, that I have become anti-social even though I know tons of people I just can only tolerate so much. I don't know how people like Spotted Owl do it, but their is something to emulate there and I'm just not sure what it is yet. Good luck on finding your peace!

(((((jacqueline))))) I hear what you’re saying, I’ve been accused of being antisocial myself. I disagree I’m prioritizing. I don’t make time for people with negative energy anymore, my time is too precious.

My son's father did the same thing to him after my son turned 5yrs old. My son suffered from this. When he got older 16 or 17 he tried to look him up, found him and the creep wouldn't see him. It is absoultely horrible for someone like that to exist. Sorry, I feel strongly on this subject because it hurt my son, which he never deserved. My T says none of us can help who we are going to get for our parent. I will always feel extremely terrible for the choice I made back then. And, I agree with you. In hindsight though, my son turned out very well, is happily married and doing well. It was better for his father to not be involved in his life knowing what we know now.

Some years ago my husband got a letter from a young woman (16ish at the time) asking if he was her father. It was so very sad, she looked up a name on the internet and wrote to each one of the people listed there wondering if one of them might be her father. She didn't want her mother to know she was looking. Hubby knew that he couldn't possibly be her father (based on her age and his, he would have been 12 when the child was concieved and had never been to that state). We knew she got our address off the internet because to this day if you look up our address there is an error. He wrote her back a letter telling her he wished that he could help, but due several factors, he could not possibly be her father. He gave her dates and locations that he'd been in from birth to current. We never heard back from her. I wonder if she found her father, I wonder how many of the 30 odd people listed online answered her letter.