[Rio_]

Think I'd better begin at the beginning...

A couple of weeks ago, the orchestra I'm in started rehearsals for our tour to Ireland. On the Monday evening before we left, most of us went out for a meal, and I spent quite a lot of the night talking to one of the trombone players. I'd seen him around before, but seeing as trombones are at the other side of the orchestra from the string section, we'd never actually spoken before.

When we got to Ireland, we ended up being around each other a lot as well. He was good at making conversation, which suited me fine because I don't find it so easy (very shy), and was generally friendly, plus he didn't drink and so often ended up walking those people who did back home after pubs because he was one of the only people trusted not to lose keys. Other people in the orchestra started noticing that we were spending a lot of time together, and rumours started going round...despite him referring to me as "a much prettier vision" and "milady", though, I didn't think anything of it, because I assumed he was joking.

I'm beginning to think he wasn't, though. A few days after we got back home, he sent me a text asking what I was doing the following day, and saying that he was going to be in town after a piano lesson. I was free, so I suggested meeting up for lunch, thinking it'd be just a casual thing between friends, but he insisted on paying. I didn't feel right owing him like that, so I said told him that we were meeting up again and that I'd be paying this time! So we had lunch again today, but this time he insisted on walking me back to my place. I invited him in, thinking he'd just stay for a bit so I could show him round (I only moved in last month), but he ended up staying three hours! I'm not the most assertive of people, the biggest hint I managed to give was "what time do you need to be back?", but he either didn't pick up on it or ignored it, and only left after a phone call from his dad.

He's nice and all, but I don't see him as any more than a friend! And I'm getting worried that I'm giving him the wrong idea - I'm hopeless at this sort of thing, have only ever had one boyfriend before and that was when I was 14. He's asked me to a concert with him and his family on Thursday afternoon, and I said I'd go because I thought it might be a bit safer than going to lunch again, but I'm not sure that was wise. I could really use some advice to stop this getting out of hand!

[bananasarecool]

maybe you should just tell him you only want to be friends. it'll hurt both of you, but it will save embarassment and maybe even your friendship.
if you cant, just DONT LEAD HIM ON. if this guys in love with you he will probably jump at any indication that you have feelings for him
hope i helped;
xx

[Lenny]

I know its hard rio..not wanting to hurt anyones feelings..I too, will often take the heat by letting others continue on with their illusions.

But honesty is truly the ultimate gift anyone can give another,,even if it hurts.

It's greatest offering is time,,with Truth we can make choices that can save us much time,,our illusions keep us stuck..

Tell him how you feel. He will then be able to seek another.

IMHO.

Lenny

[Rio_]

Thanks, bananasarecool and Lenny. I think you're right, but I don't know how! It's not exactly the sort of thing that can just be brought up out of the blue. We're meeting up again on Tuesday...I'll need to figure something out.

I ended up asking my parents as well and, typically, they're divided on what they think I should do. My mum reckons I should tell him so he can find someone else, but dad doesn't see the harm in me carrying on seeing him because it doesn't necessarily mean it's going to turn into anything serious. Certainly, he hasn't tried to do anything physical...this is so confusing.

[Rio_]

Couldn't do it. I suck. :Bang-Head:

(I guess I did at least try to be as vague as possible about meeting up again...)

[I_WMD]

Originally Posted by Rio_

Couldn't do it. I suck. :Bang-Head:

(I guess I did at least try to be as vague as possible about meeting up again...)

Hey Rio ,, a friend of ours was discussing your delemia ,, and we both agreed ,, Always take a friend ,, when meeting up >.. And then always take a friend ,, wallet may get lighter ,, but hopefully the message you are trying to get across will be seen quicker by trombone boy >..

>>>. From your Friend and I . xoxox.

[SpottedOwl]

Rio,

I_WMD makes an excellent suggestion.

One rule I have found to work quite well:

If you don't want something to happen, don't put yourself in a situation where it can happen.

i.e. Try not to be alone with him, or do any romantic seeming activities with him.

[Rio_]

Thanks, I_WMD and SpottedOwl. You're both right...I wish I'd made this thread earlier! I'm going to try and just see him at orchestra rehearsals from now on - next week I'm going to be pretty busy with uni preparations, and the week after we start back again, so I've got an excuse. Not great, but the best I can do.