[iamtwilight]

-shivers-

....a housewarming party

christ. i don't have any friends. he has several. he said he has only one "real friend" in the city we're going to be in.

ok, i have one friend, but he's so far away and he doesn't put as much into our friendship as i do.. so he wouldn't come.

i hate parties. even the word makes me shiver. when i was more sociable and, well, happy, i used to love to go to raves. nowadays i start feeling like crap at those.

and every time he says "omg i might get booked to a party in sweden/holland/germany/wherever" i think "ugh, another pain for me.." - i should be happy for him? i've told him i don't want to go raving as much as i used to, because they last long into the night and irregular sleep makes my mental health worse. he said he understands, but somehow he's still assuming i'm gonna go with him to all these countries.

i've seen him play. ok. i don't need to go everywhere with him.

argh. i need to get out, i live in an abusive home, but i don't want to be dragged around like a doll.

frustrated,
twilight