[ncguynva]

This is something that relates to my other thread. See thread on seperated help me save marriage But my parents who I went to when I was suspicious of my wife cheating on me (I regret it in a way, but i dont in others), they told me before I left for Iraq that if I try to work things out with my wife, I will have to move my personal belongings out of their house, which I helped them buy. I gave them around $13000 to help them with the house downpayment/credit score. They told me(when they bought it) that when they pass away, my wife and I could have it and we could retire in that home. Well once my parents learned of her actions and then me and my wife trying to work things out, my parents and I had a HUGE fight. I am 24 years old and I had never came to blows with my father and he is 52 years old. He also has a heart condition and in the middle of the verbal fight, he told me to go ahead and hit him. I told him if I hit him, there would be nothing left.
After my mother seprated us and my parents and I started talking somewhat civial to each other, they said they had no problem with me trying to work on it if I wanted to, but to get my stuff out because she is my wife and she should take care of my things instead of them. I can agree with that, however, my sister who is older, married and has a 5 year old kid has things at my parents house. And she still has it there to this day. They never told her to get her stuff out.
I realize that I promised myself and my parents I would divorce her if she was cheating on me, but my feeling for her have changed since I was suspicious. I fell back in love with her before I actually learned of her infedielity.
My father also constantly nags at me while I am over here when I call or talk to him online saying things such as "I saw your mood on myspace and facebook. You still want things to work out for you two and have given up on the divorce again." I have gotten to the point where I just hang up on him or my mother without warning when they mention it. They reassure me that they will always love me and I will always be their son, but I think their love and respect for me has change. In fact, my dad already said that he has lost respect for me. I hate that.

Are my parents acting childish? Are they trying to control me even after I have left the nest? I know they are looking out for me not to get hurt again by her, but I want this to work more than anything.
I am torn between having my parents pick me up from the airport when I get home on leave or run the chance of my wife picking me up and then she telling me that she does not want to stay married to me. I then lose my wife, I lose a place to keep my personal belongings, and I lose respect for my parents. Either which choice I make, I lose something/somebody close to me. What to do?

[Slothrop]

Wow, sorry you're in this situation.

How you and your wife deal with her infidelity is between the two of you.

Yes, your parents' trying to manipulate the situation via your personal belongings is childish. Yes, they are being controlling.

Just my opinion!

[Doh2007]

I agree that your parents aren't being helpful. They seem to be having a hard time letting you grow up. You could try saying you don't want to hear anything negative about your wife when they bring something up. Just keep repeating it. Be polite. If they insist, say you're sorry, but you have to hang up because you won't listen to anything negative about her.

Then don't go to them for relationship advice.

They might be immature, but you don't have to be. Don't let yourself be blackmailed by your stuff. If they try to manipulate you by saying you have to get your stuff out, say that makes you sad, but you'll respect their wishes.

This is how it's done. At some point, we have to separate from our parents. It's a process. Just try to treat them with respect, but don't forget to treat yourself with respect. If things start to get heated, go out and take a walk. Best wishes and thanks for being a hero.

[ncguynva]

Thanks for the advice guys.....and you are welcome...I would rather be doing this than my children....