[bigamyst]

Just got worn down, tired of pretending everything's ok, being strong. Keeping the family together. Husband's bpd is finally under control - leaving other problems. He's not stupid, admits his treatment of me is emotional abuse, but says he can't change what he doesn't understand. Years of hoping things would improve once he got on the right meds, even my caregiving thrown back at me -'you can't be empathic if you could cope when I was down'. He's a genuinely nice bloke, well-liked, charming etc - just totally different at home. Like his father was. My friends and sisters think he's wonderful. People saw me change - nervous, defensive, brittle. See me as the problem, I finally tried confiding a little in the one cousin who had seen one of his rages, tried telling her how lost and lonely I feel. She now avoids me, crosses the road if she sees me coming. Sorry to rant, just needed someone to talk to, determined to avoid using the kids as emotional crutch, thanks for 'listening'.

[Moose72]

Hello. Just saying I'm here to chat with!

(BTW, read your "location" as "Now Here". )

[multipixie9]

i am sorry you tried to reach out and got slapped down for it. that stinks. some people are incredibly selfish and do not want to let anyone push them to the edge even of their comfort zone. that is so lame.

i can not APPLAUD YOU highly enough for leaving your kids out of this as much as is possible. they do not have the resources to actually do anything for you and the price they will pay is sooooo high!!! you are one of the good guys and i respect the fire out of you. my mom pulled me into the middle between her and dad and it did me a lot of damage. they actually call that "emotional incest" if a parent makes a child the "emotional partner" to the parent and tells them their problems and asks their opinions. a child will normally try to rise to the need of the situation from love and need of his/her parent. Thanks for being strong and kind enough to leave the children out of this really tough situation you are in.

use us here at PC to help you as much as we can and you will get through this. leslie and her pixies

[bigamyst]

I am not alone.

[Miracle1986]

I have no words. Just wanted to offer

[SeptemberMorn]

Sometimes the people we reach out to can't cope with our problems. It's not necessarily about you. It's about the other person. It could be that the rage your cousin saw was the limit of what they can endure.

Don't give up on your cousin and don't give up on you. No doubt you were left with bruises and scars from the treatment you got/get from your husband. Have you sought any help from a therapist? I think it would be invaluable.

In the meantime, we're here to listen and offer any help that we can.

Please take care of you.