[essaie_encore]

One thing I absolutely hate about myself right now is that my ex-boyfriend broke up with me and now I have a new boyfriend, but I can't let go of my ex 'cause I depended on him too much in our relationship. I knew pretty much from the beginning that I would start to depend too much on Kevin, but I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't because Kevin wouldn't accept the answer no. He was always asking me to have sex with him and if I said no, he'd just keep asking and trying to convince me to do it until I said yes. I've always had a hard time saying no and Kevin took advantage of that. I tried telling him we were taking things too fast 'cause I knew I'd become dependent on him, but he wouldn't accept the answer no. And now he broke up with me for like the 10th time and I feel like **** 'cause I miss him. I can't let go of him. And I'm just gonna end up hurting my new boyfriend. And my new boyfriend is scared I'll go back out with Kevin, which I want to, but I hate myself for wanting to. I don't know what to do anymore...

[mariemorel]

Not easy to let go....

I would write him (Kevin) a letter, telling him everything that you have just said, how much he hurted you, and how far you became dependant of him. Even if you don't send it, it will remind you everytime you feel like going back to him, how much he's no good for you. Or maybe you just need to look at yourself in the mirror, and think of what you need to change to stop being so self-destructive and dependant in someone. Find something that will you feel independant, something you love for yourself. Step by step, slowly you'll become happy with yourself, and you won't need anyone to be happy. You're partner will only be there to ADD to your happiness no make it.

Good luck

[Perna]

Hi, essaie, welcome to PsychCentral (PC).

It's hard to let go of anyone/thing, especially if they're familiar and what we think or thought we wanted at one time. How is it you have a new boyfriend if you're not willing to be over Kevin? I remember breaking up and it was my new boyfriend (now my husband) who got me "over" my old boyfriend.

I would spend more time with myself and getting to know myself and what I actually want. If you didn't want to sleep with Kevin, I don't see that he's been a very good boyfriend to you, hasn't done you any "good"? What is the attraction there?

Think of the future as an adventure. You're going to spend the rest of your life there, you can't really go back. And it sounds like if Kevin is constantly breaking up with you, why would this time be different? It sounds like Kevin isn't very mature and being with him is not helping you any. I would figure out what you actually want and go for it in the future and let Kevin chase you (which I doubt he will) instead of you chasing him.

[essaie_encore]

Thanks for the advice guys. I wrote a letter to Kevin but it turned out I didn't need to send it. I had a really good time with my new boyfriend today and I guess that's all I needed. I don't really feel like I need Kevin much anymore. I actually feel pretty good right now- I just hope this lasts. I've driven myself too crazy over this relationship stuff.