[heyzebra]

Hi everyone.
So.. I had a little epiphany last night about my mother. She has NO IDEA how to listen without talking. And when she talks, she can't help but change the subject. In all actuality, I knew this all along throughout my entire life- talking about what's wrong with her "perfect" daughter (aka me) is completely uncomfortable for her- especially when I'm the one bringing it up.
I needed to tell her about this new diagnosis. I needed her to listen. I needed her to be on my side and I needed her to listen. But I feel like I started discussing emotions with her, and how I felt, and did she see certain characteristics in me that are, well.. characteristic of BPD, and she goes..
"So Trenton got his package. I talked to your niece today, well she just kind of whined" (she's only 5 or 6 months old)

WHAT?!?!

I am trying to connect with her. It's really freaking difficult. She's the best at avoiding what's really going on. How do I get her to see that I need her to listen, without such drastic measures as I've tried before? Obviously they didn't work.

I wish I thought I was taking this all out of context. But when I tried to start the conversation again later- same thing "well, i'm going to get the fabric for the dresses tomorrow. Do you want Megan to come stay with you while I'm out of town?"
This happens 9/10 times in a conversation with her.

GRRRRRR
Any advice?

[Perzephone]

Have you tried asking her why she changes the subject all the time?

[EJ711]

It sounds like you have your work cut out for you.

How about saying something like, "Mom, I really feel like you don't love me when I can't get you to listen to me."

Keep us posted.

EJ

[heyzebra]

Originally Posted by Perzephone

Have you tried asking her why she changes the subject all the time?

I haven't. She's a bit on the frightening side- let's just say I tend to not question her motives to her face.

And for the record, she's never been physically abusive so it's not that- I think I'm afraid of confronting her

[SeptemberMorn]

How frustrating for you! Don't you just love people that seem to be on another planet when you're trying to reach them?

Have you tried telling her "Mom I need to tell you something and I need you to focus, ok?" If she changes the subject, repeat "Mother! Focus!" but do it with a smile on your face.

Try giving her "just the facts, Ma'am" and keep away from emotions as much as possible. The emotion part may be what she has trouble with. Maybe! I don't know, but it's worth a shot.

Good luck!