[digdug]

So I've just been through three of the toughest weeks of my life - fighting to get my lease broken on my mouldy apt., desperately trying to find a new place to live, and then the move itself - and for various reasons I've been out of touch with my parents. So they finally call me today, and what do they say? How grateful they are that things worked out? How glad they are to hear I'm okay? Well, they did say those things, sort of, but not before lecturing me on how I should have come to them for more help with everything, instead of doing things "on my own" (which means without them, since my wife played the real starring role in getting me through this mess).

I mean, huh? That is their most pressing concern? Not my well-being, but the fact that I didn't ask them for help?

But here's the kicker: for the vast majority of the time while this was going on, both my parents were out of the country!! No joke!! They couldn't have helped, even though they apparently so desperately wanted to.

The thing is, I wouldn't have wanted their help even if it was available. But what do I tell them? Do I say to them that their stressing out over things would have made the situation worse, not better? Do I tell them that their inability to control their own problems have helped make me the anxious/depressed person I am today? No, because I'm more mature than them, and probably have been for a long time now, I'm realizing.

What's also typical is that my Dad only found out about this situation today, even though I e-mailed my Mom about it a few days ago. I'm sure he then had some sort of freak-out and initiated the phone call. That was typical of his way of parenting when we were kids...he would ignore us a good chunk of the time, then randomly flip out when he became aware of what was going on in our lives.

Ahhh...you know, it's ironic that this is election night, because four years ago at this time my Dad was getting double-bypass surgery. And every day for a more than month I spoke with him on the phone, or visited the house, and provided unconditional support while he was going through such a tough time. And this is what I get in return, four years later? Please...

[EJ711]

Digdug,

I'm sorry your parents just don't get some of the basic principles of parenting.

My parents were good people, but lousy parents. My mother has been gone eight years now, and I still can't get her out of my head.

I'm so glad you got things worked out on your own.

EJ

[digdug]

Originally Posted by EJ711

Digdug,

I'm sorry your parents just don't get some of the basic principles of parenting.

My parents were good people, but lousy parents. My mother has been gone eight years now, and I still can't get her out of my head.

I'm so glad you got things worked out on your own.

EJ

Thanks for your support.

I used to think that my parents were good people/bad parents as well. And I guess I still believe that more or less, but I'm getting sicker and sicker of havying to deal with their anxiety and obsessions as I progress into adulthood, and I feel that they at least owe it to me to keep such things in check when I'm in a time of severe crisis.

It's odd, becuase I feel like I'm making daily progress with my anxiety/OCD/depression issues, while I feel that they've barely changed since I was a kid. And, you know, I shouldn't be living my adult life to babysit their chidish behaviour.