[Zloppy]

My friends at lunch bug me to ask out this girl who I like. They try to get me to ask her out everyday. I don't mind them doing that because I like her, but I also don't want to ask her out. She is also a friend of mine who I have liked for about 3 years now, and she knows I like her. She, though, likes this guy who just moved to another state, and she is sad. She is like the girl clone of me exactly, just looks different. I would feel bad asking her out because she still likes that guy who moved. Even though I am depressed and a relationship would make that better, it will only last so long before a break up. And that I would not be able to handle and yeah. And I want to avoid that. Should I ask her out or not? The first time she found out I liked her, I was rejected, and that itself was one of the reasons I became depressed and cut. And I don't want that to happen again.

[cantstopcrying]

You've been friends for 3 years? That's awesome. My personal opinion is leave it as it is. Friendship may grow into something else or it may stay a precious friendship.

[Zloppy]

True. Anyone else have some thoughts?

[Lenny]

There are few things more valuable than good friends. Good freinds are not found,,but built and usually the bricks and mortar are honesty and care.

She sounds like a good friend..How about building upon it?

Suggest to her that you know she is hurting because of the separation...and that you would like to offer your company to help her along...something innocent like a ball game or movie...

I'm sure she would appreciate the distraction and maybe during your time you can explain the value you put upon your freindship..

Another brick or two...

Lenny

[Zloppy]

thanks I will try going with that.

[digdug]

My wife and I, who met in college, were good friends for a couple of years before things became more than that. I was rejected at least once or twice by her before that happened, though.

Same thing happened to my brother with his wife, and with my Dad. The males in our family are a persistent lot.

Since you're very young, I would suggest not pushing things too hard. If this person is such a good friend, make sure you stay in touch no matter what. Such a good friendship in itself is a good thing, as other posters have noted. If things are fated to go further, they will when the time is right. That's my opinion looking back on how things went for me.

Of course it also sounds like you are uncertain about a committed relationship yourself at the moment, which is also valid, no matter what your friends say. Always have to look out for yourself first.

[Zloppy]

I see. If we are friends we would be friends for a very long time. And IF anything happens it would happen by its self basically.

[digdug]

Originally Posted by Zloppy

I see. If we are friends we would be friends for a very long time. And IF anything happens it would happen by its self basically.

Yeah, I think...hard to tell with girls/women sometimes. If you do have strong feelings for her and don't want her to get away, you may at some point have to make yourself heard. But don't do anything drastic until need be, I'd say.

[nicunurse]

Special friendships are rare. Keep them close to your heart. Let your heart lead the way - friendships, true friendships are rare jewels. I am happy for you!
~Melissa

Originally Posted by Zloppy

My friends at lunch bug me to ask out this girl who I like. They try to get me to ask her out everyday. I don't mind them doing that because I like her, but I also don't want to ask her out. She is also a friend of mine who I have liked for about 3 years now, and she knows I like her. She, though, likes this guy who just moved to another state, and she is sad. She is like the girl clone of me exactly, just looks different. I would feel bad asking her out because she still likes that guy who moved. Even though I am depressed and a relationship would make that better, it will only last so long before a break up. And that I would not be able to handle and yeah. And I want to avoid that. Should I ask her out or not? The first time she found out I liked her, I was rejected, and that itself was one of the reasons I became depressed and cut. And I don't want that to happen again.

[Zloppy]

Originally Posted by nicunurse

Special friendships are rare. Keep them close to your heart. Let your heart lead the way - friendships, true friendships are rare jewels. I am happy for you!
~Melissa

Yeah, She is the only person who I ever told about my cutting to. I didn't even tell my therapist guy. I can trust her and relate to her very easily, we have the same personalities.

[Perzephone]

Be friends. A man & a woman can be just friends, even though many people think otherwise. And you can still ask her to go do stuff with you, even if it's just bumming around a mall or a park or something.

One of my guy friends is a photographer & I used to tag along w/him (he moved to Minnesota, brrrr) to take photos of interesting graffiti & weird trees. Even though he moved out of state, we still send each other post cards & funky e-mail - I've known him since forever & we have a brilliant relationship.

[Zloppy]

Yeah, I know that, but the problem is, I like her, a lot. So in some ways it kills to not say anything, yet I want to have a lasting friendship.

[Irine]

Its hard to say if anything is going to happen, but i think that in this post you are really doing things correctly. You don`t need to listen to anyone but yourself....you are thinking of her and being sensituve and careful with her feelings. you are a rtue, good friend and you know her well and can amalize the situation. Those friends are not as smart/sensitive as you are........