[lifelesstraveled]

I was on the phone with the guy I have been dating for since September 2005. We are currently in a long distance relationship, which is going into it's second year. Last night he told me that he always wants me with him, meaning near him (living in the same state) because I keep him calm, which obviously, he likes. I know the fact that ANYTHING can set him off drives him crazy sometimes and he doesn't understand why he does it, but he says when I am around he manages to stay calm to a certain degree. That's not to say he doesn't have his moments and he has exploded on me and yelled at me less than 5 times over the last three years and has severe road rage (sometimes I fear for my life when I am in a car with him and have to shut my eyes until we get to our destination). In any case when he said this to me, I was taken back a little. It made my stomach turn. He's not one to show or express his feelings(other than anger) and I think I like that about him, because I am the same way sans the impulsive anger explosions. But the fact that he said that made me nervous and I don't know why. I told my T that it's hard for me to accept sincerity and compassion and all that good stuff from people. It doesn't sit well with me and I don't know why. It's like a wall blocks all that from letting it sink into me. I grew up in a very unemotional, distant family and feeling completely unnecessary, ignored and useless, unless I was being yelled at to clean something or do something for someone. Other than that I was just "there" and all I remember is just being "there". I remember feeling no emotions,I remember no specific events of any sort, which i don't understand (maybe I was living in my own world all those years lol). Back to my point, I didn't even know what to say when he said that, I just said "oh" and there was silence. I feel bad. Although he has some issues he needs to work on, not just his anger, he's my best friend. I adore him. I just wish he hadn't said that. It was nice, but...

[Lenny]

I'm not sure I understand the question lifelesstraveled.

Is is that he told you that he needs you to remain calm?

By your description,,his anger could contol him...and thus you.

With Care,

Lenny

[lifelesstraveled]

Hi!
Thanks! I was really just venting there...

[Lenny]

Originally Posted by lifelesstraveled

Hi!
Thanks! I was really just venting there...

Well then...

All is well....

Lenny

[seeker1950]

Hi, Hun...
I'm not sure why you were concerned about his comment, though I AM concerned about what you've stated regarding his temper, and road rage...feeling unsafe in the car with him.
It is a kind of gift to have a calming effect on people. That is a good thing. I've been told by numerous people that I also have that effect on them. I think this may be why I was able to maintain a number of relationships with men for much longer than I should have stayed. Now, in present, being long removed from these men, I look back in a kind of horror! Thinking, WHY did I stay in that situation?!!!
I may sound too negative in saying this, but I think your man's manifestations of anger and road rage are just the tip of the iceberg. It is not your job to be a calming influence for him. You should have a balanced and loving relationship without having to do this.
patty