[50guy]

Well, I really don't know where to start,but here goes.....

A few months ago while I was off meds I had a friendship with a woman. It was strictly platonic, she had problems with her husband and I have been a relationship counselor in the past. My wife found out about it and went ballistic. I said some things that were hurtful to her. Since then it has been a rough road. I ended the friendship because I didn't want my DW to think I was doing anything. I never went outside of work with this woman and nothing ever happened sexually.

On Oct. 18th my Mother died suddenly, it was a big shock to me and it was a good thing I was back on meds. My siblings and me were just devestated by the loss and still can't believe it happened so fast. We know the reality of the situation, but just the same we are still in disbelief. She had a massive stroke and heart attack. I spoke with her just that morning and she was fine, at 5:30 my brother found her face down on the bedroom floor. DW and me drove 1260 miles to the hospital where she was on life support. My siblings and I decided to take her off. She died 18 minutes later. I conducted her funeral service and burial. I got through it fine.

We left that sameday to come home. No sooner did we get here and my wife started with the questions about this woman. I told her everything but she thinks there was more to it. I can't take the constant personality changes in her. One day she loves me and the next day she is thinking of leaving. I am DID and she knows the alter I have. She feels that the alter dosen't love her. He does but, he is a kid, 9 years old. He wants everything his way and can be mean when talking to people. I can control him through the meds and he is fine. Buy him candy and do some safe fun things. I talk to him a lot and tell him we have to grow up. He is a kid in a man's body and likes women, a lot for a boy. My DW dosen't fully understand my mental problems, but she know full well who we are. She says my alter is mean. I try to keep him under control. She is afraid of what will happen if I go off meds again. She also thinks that I really don't want to be with her.
We married very young and have been together nearly 36 years. She has changed in the past few months too, she likes sex and to go out dancing. She goes out to clubs without me and dances with men. I don't mind but, she thinks I don't care. I told her I care if some guy tries to hit on her, but I don't mind her dancing. I go with her too and we dance together. The thing is she dosen't know if she wants to stay with me or not. I don't want her to go but, if that is what she wants and it will end this suspicion I would let her. She says she loves me, I love her but, she dosen't want to live like this. She is a good lover and friend but we have reached a crossroads and are wondering what to do.

I am not really looking for advice, just some input on how to deal with it all from you all at PC and I just needed to get this out. I am somewhat perplexed by it all

[sabby]

(((((((((( 50guy )))))))))))))))

Being together through thick and thin for 36 years is one heck of an accomplishment that I hope you can both be proud of. As in any relationship, there are many ups and downs and storms to weather. I would suggest that the best way to deal with this is constant communication between the both of you.

People change over their lifetimes....things that were once important sometimes don't seem as important as we get older....and vice versa. We look at life through different eyes as we age. We sometimes think of what we missed out on in our younger days and may try to recapture it "before it's too late". And sometimes there are things that may have bothered us through the years that we don't talk about and all of a sudden it weighs on our minds so much and becomes an issue, or we just seem to get to the end of our rope with it.

I've known a lot of folks who have been married/together for many many years that go through situations similar to this. I think of it in terms of having growing pains. If the communication and intimacy (not just sexual) can be accomplished, it's very possible that you both can weather this storm in time. I wish you both well!


sabby