[BlueEyes]

I've been dating my boyfriend for 4 1/2 months. We are both in our mid-forties. I've never been married. He's been married twice and has two older children from his first wife and a younger child from his second wife. The children live in different cities and he travels a lot for his job.

When I met him (on an Internet dating service) his profile said he lived in my town, but he told me he was actually living with his mom in a different city at the time. He said he helped her when she had a bypass in January and stayed there because he was in the process of building a house and she said he could live there until it was completed. This was to be in 4 months.

We have gotten along very well for the first four months of dating. He comes to see me every time he comes through my town. His office is in my town and this is eventually where his home will be built. He has met my family and co-workers. He has stayed ovenight at my home. Over a month ago he told me he loved me. I love him, too.

The problem: Since he said he loved, me, I've noticed a change in his behavior. One thing has led to another, and he has not been able to spend the night at my house. It's usually been a child issue or a work issue. I have never met his family, any of his friends, his co-workers, or his children. When I pressed him on the issue, he said that he doesn't have many friends, where he is living is temporary, that he rarely sees his brother, and that he doesn't want me to meet his kids for a few more months. We never see each other on weekends. I brought up the fact that that was okay at the beginning of the relationship when I was just getting to know him, but that I'd like to see him more often now. There are ways we can do this. He has his children every other weekend. His excuses have been that he is working on repairs on his mom's house, doing odd jobs for others on the side, etc. Always something. I asked if I could accompany him on a business trip this week. It would have been no expense to him and I am on an extended vacation from work. He said he'd basically be working from sunrise to late in the evening and we wouldn't see each other anyway. Every suggestion I made when I confronted him was either met with an excuse or silence. This was a week ago. When he left my house, he said he needed time to "process" everything I've said. Accidently, we both signed online the next night at the same time and he called me. He still was not ready to talk. I told him to call me to come over and talk once he had his thoughts together. He said he loved me and we hung up. That was nearly a week ago. I have not heard one word. I checked his internet dating service account for action. He has updated his profile and his checking his account regularly. I am so hurt by all of this. I will not break down and call him because there is nothing to say. By the way, the ground has not been broken on his house. The house was to be finished this month. That's the only reason I've been understanding about things with him...I thought the house completed would be the light at the end of the tunnel and we could have a normal dating relationship. He thinks that I have too much time on my hands and that once I go back to work, I'll be fine. So, basically this is all my problem. Frankly, I don't know what there is to "process". Either he wants to see me on the weekends, or he doesn't. Does anyone have any insight on this?

[nowheretorun]

Hi BluEyes,
I have to say it does sound fishy. Particularly the part about updating his personal ad.
I have been in your situation. Once the questioning started, I went on a relentless crusade for evidence that I was wrong to suspect what I thought. I never found it to my satisfaction and soon I began to add lying to the list of relationship sins. Needless to say, everything went downhill from there. No one likes to be suspected of lying, including liars. Before long, the issue of lying was lost and replaced with the issue of trust. One was pointing fingers at the other. The reasons for getting into the relationship became lost completely and all we did was try to catch each other at fault. We were married and we did have a child. The marriage lasted 3 years. It's one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made. I knew going into the marriage that she wasn't always honest, but she had never lied to me. I won't make that mistake again.
Hope this helps in some way

"This too shall pass...."