[Helm]

I am trying to break off a relationship with a borderline and feel helpless for her and feel she might not be okay without me in her life to help her cope with this problem and am deeply saddened with the feeling of having to give up but I have lost almost every friend I have and My relationship with my family is very tense.

I am looking for support

[Frances]

Me too

[Frances]

Sorry Helm, that wasn't very helpfull.
I'm not meaning to take your post. You musn't stay with someone for fear of what might happen if you don't. If you are not compelled to stay for a higher reason then you are doing everyone a disservice, you and your partner.

I broke it off with my man tonight. Again. I love him dearly however his issues are too big for me. I can't interface with him when he is off on his .. I don't know where he goes in his head but it sure is hard to connect. So good is so bad. I can't do it as much as I wish it weren't so.

Helm, I have used this analogy here before: in training for water rescue if you can not solicit cooperation from whomever you are seeking to help then you place yourself at risk. We are instructed to tell them you will swim away if they will not cooperate. A double drowning is a real potential in such circumstances. You can only estimate your own capacity, the other has no idea that their actions will take you both down. Self preservation is a first priority. Do what you must.

Regards Frances.

[Zenobia]

Hey Helm,
I am BPD. I know what she will be going through once you break it off with her. It is hell. What I suggest is that you contact her family or her friends before you make the final break. Tell them you have to break it off for your own sake and that they should keep an eye on her. Make sure they know that you are afraid of what might happen with her. That way they can support her during the transition.

On the bright side we have a tendency not to remember people that are not around us. After you break it off you must cease all contact with her. No phone calls to check up on her, no nice letters that tell her you hope she is ok. None of that. Each time you do that it reminds her that she loves you and it will aggitate her more. I pined over my highschool ex-boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. I hurt so bad that he broke up with me. Suicidal and the whole bit. Crying and cutting and all that. Then he graduated and moved out of town. In less then 2 months I met my husband and forgot all about the ex. Just like that, he was out of my mind. That is why I stress you must make a clean break.
Carrie

PS Of course she may be different from me so take my suggestion with a grain of salt. I have discovered I am a wee bit narcissitic and everything revolves around my experience. LOL. But DO contact her family so they know that she is in emotional danger.

<font color=blue>The important thing is this: to be able at any momeent to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.--Charles Du Bos

[LMo]

Interesting - I had a dream about a water rescue last night - it wasn't my depressed boyfriend, but a different friend who I haven't seen for over a year. We were both in the water around a boat, trying to find a way back up, and she was clinging to my neck and was pulling me down. I have been really struggling about what to do about my boyfriend - who I love without reserve but who is severely depressed - and your analogy made sense of my dream for me. I'm going to have to think about that one.

I'm sorry for both of you - Helm and Frances. I am facing the same issues - my family barely respects me anymore and I don't see friends often, mostly because I'm sick of hearing myself talk about it and afraid that they are going to ask how he is doing or if he has a job yet. But, I have decided that I'm going to stay in the relationship because he is now getting help and is on medication.

Good luck to both of you