Escalating trust issues?

Ok In my many past relationships I've always been self destructive, ending a relationship because I believe my partner is being unfaithful. I've often had no reason for these assumptions. I find it incredibly hard to trust people and always read into little things.

I always want to know who she is out with and what she is doing and when questions are avoided I get suspicious. I don't really want to HAVE to know these things, but again it's my lack of trust that forces me to ask. if I don't my mind makes up it's own conclusions.

Anyway i have recently started dating some one new (almost 2 Months) for the first time ever I have been able to force myself to not think the way I usually do for the most part, and things are going well.

However now I am starting to have nightmares about her being unfaithful. I feel its because I'm forcing myself not to think this way and act this way that I'm now doing it subconciously in my dreams?

I don't really know but its very confusing, I felt as if I'm SLOWLY making progress and that I might not destroy this relationship then I start having a new problem.

Any ideas on whats causing this? Or what a solution may be?

Thanks
Murdoch

Murdoch, since you say it's your thinking that is causing this, have you seen a therapist at all to see why you come up with such thoughts? If you can disassemble the trigger, the thoughts might not be able to get you. I don't think just willing yourself not to think them will help.

Trust issues are difficult and nearly impossible to work with alone? And there's no way to really figure out if it's because you've been or seen someone betrayed or if you're just afraid of the intimacy and wrecking things ahead of time, etc. I'd find a counsellor to talk with and see if you can't get some sort of handle on it all.

I've seen a few counsellors in my time, but I never seem to get any where and end up feeling let down by them.

my first thoughts are comunication, have you tried explaining how you are and why your relationships end, maybe she is understanding enough to help you through this,

i would try small steps in explaining about your trust issues, and also try a t to find out why you have trust issues

hopefully this time around things will be diferant

kathy

Good job on the progress! I've been exactly the same way as you, and I know how hard that is.

As for the dream, dreaming of your partner cheating on you is most commonly related to insecurities, fears, low self-esteem etc.
I wouldn't pay much attention to it, obviously you are still insecure and afraid on some level - but as long as you manage to control it when you're awake you should be fine. Your mind runs wild when you sleep and process all your struggles and subconscious battles, so it's only natural that it would include that.

I've had dreams (nightmares) of my bf being unfaithful as well, and I know how that can trigger the paranoia - so just do your best on saying "It's just a dream" and go on with your day.

Thanks for the help guys, turns out for once I was actually right not to trust her Oh well lifes a ***** huh

Oh my!! Are you sure though?? Sometimes I misunderstand things (subconsciously on purpose) cos it would give me a real reason to not trust him.
That sucks anyway. =/

Yeah I found a bunch of explicit txts on her phone and full nudity pxts to some random guy she used to sleep with before we met. Go figure seems impossible to find some one worthy of being nice to these days. Wish I could roll back a few decades to when people were decent lol

Oh jesus christ. I'm so sorry. I know, she wasn't worth your time anyway if that's the case. I'm just concerned for your paranoia/trust-issued. For me, it's like every incident like that just adds fuel to the fire.