[DCFAC]

I have a friend. He is madly in love with one of his best friends, and has been for years.

He always thinks about her and would do anything for her. She uses him as an emotional punchbag and as a shoulder to cry on.

He has told her that he loves her and that hasn't really changed much in the relationship. She justs aid she never felt a spark. They communicate almost everyday and he thinks about her everytime they're apart. He also takes every opportunity to talk about her, even when there is no relation to what WE are talking about. She has kissed two of his best friends, a few of his friends and even asked his childhood best friend OUT (he declined) So you can see that she is not too sensitive to his emotional turmoil (and trust me, he is in a personal hell).

He knows that he should walk away from her but he can't.

My question is: what advice can I give him? What can I say to him that won't make me sound patronising, clichéd, or idiotic (as I have never felt such powerful emotions, I have never experienced such a powerful, pathetic and tragic relationship that he has)

I have said forget about her, but that is not an option. The perpetual agony is endured for hours spent in her company... even only as a FRIEND, someone to whom she can vent her fustrations and her feelings . I think that she actively encourages his love for her because it makes her feel more superior and desired (I don't blame her- who wouldn't want someone who worships your every move around... of course it's cruel because he is dying inside) I find her very selfish and indifferent to his feelings. Very egotistic and self centred.

I have a theory that he does just not like conventional relationships. He just cannot see himself in a normanl functioning relationship. He likes the tormented soul suffering from unrequited love, he likes have complicated relationships, scattered with emotional landmines that frequently end in fights, arguments and bitterness (on both parts) but every time, he .still continus to love her (and more and more eack time too) For the sheer unparalled EMOTION of it, that cannot be matched in a normal boy girl relationship.

Or he just loves her too much that he cannot even conceive a life without her in it. A life without her is worse than a life tormented by her (even with her total indifference to him)

What PRACTICAL advice can I give him?
Should he get councelling?
Would talking to a friend like me help?

She feels no spark? I take from that that she does not find him physically attractive. She is a hot bombshell while he is... not... let's put it that way

[skymonk]

I think your judgement of this girl sounds spot on from what you describe of her behavior. I'm sure you've already told him all of this-I would suggest that you suggest that he get some counseling for his own benefit&maybe add that you're really concerned about him&the behavior that he's putting up with. I know what it's like to love&not be loved back. IT HURTS!!! And it's hard to let go-but for his own sake he needs to. He hasn't become suicidal over this girl's rejection of him has he? If he has or does, definitely get him some help even if it means taking him to the ER. Hope for the best for you&your friend-hope things can work out.